Don't Fade Away
by prettykittydarling
Summary: AU.Mello & Matt are in high school and mello falls for a lonely girl with an abusive past. matt decides to get the pair together for his own amusement,and the 3 of them end up falling for each other, leading to...other things. rated M for a reason COMPLET
1. Chapter 1

**Don't Fade Away**

**Sudden inspiration for this hit at exactly 2:33 in the morning. Must keep writing…when was the last time I went to sleep before 5?? Can't even remember. Oh well.**

**Disclaimer: This really makes me unhappy. Very well. I do not own Death Note or its characters. I do not own the lyrics at the end of each chapter, they belong to Milla Jovovich. **

**However, I do own my original characters, and the poetry/journals, etc. the characters write is my own. **

**Prologue **

**From the first day of high school she'd felt out of place. It was too loud. Too many people around her, making her feel like she couldn't breathe.**

**She usually sat alone. That was fine with her. A new school, new family, new everything. **_**Fail. **_**That word berated her, day after day. **_**You're destined to fail. Everyone knows it.**_

_**That's why you sit alone.**_

_**That's why they stare.**_

_**That's why when you come home nobody cares.**_

_**Because everyone knows.**_

_**Even Pollard knows, and he's an idiot.**_

_**Because you're doomed.**_

_**Doomed.**_

_**Doomed.**_

_**You're not even worth looking at.**_

_**Why bother when they know that you are going to fall.**_

_**Be gone soon anyway.**_

_**And who even cares?**_

**Day and night that stupid voice in her head. She'd actually written down those thoughts and made it a poem, titling it Nameless. That was what she was to anyone else anyway. Nameless. Her soul emptying out like sand.**

**She taped it to her door. So that every morning when she woke up, she would see it. See the angry pencil scrawls smudging the page; its paper torn and crumpled. It leered at her when she got ready for school and at night when she lay with her eyes open in bed.**

**Just in case she might forget.**

_**No I haven't seen the flowers yet**_

_**From the broken seeds I'd planted**_

_**But the ground is still too red**_

_**From the wickedness you did**_

**So, read and review please. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Another disclaimer: I do not own anything except my own characters and what they write. Death Note, and my extension Mello are sadly not mine…the poem Jade reads out loud is owned by Fannie Heaslip Lea**

**Chapter One**

**The alarm rang. She got up, as usual. She considered skipping the whole day and just going to the café and…no. The school might call her foster home, and then they'd just complain about her to Pollard. **_**We do all this for her and she can't even go to class?**_** And that would be the end of her. Again. As much as an outcast as she was, it was better to be an outcast where she knew the area and had places to look forward to going to after school.**

**Maybe I should get a pet, she thought. Something easy to take care of, but I can cuddle with. Like a cat. She seriously considered the idea and thought about how easily she could hide it from her foster parents. If they ever bothered to look in the attic that her room was in anyway. **

**She smiled. A cat would be nice.**

**Dressing for school was never a problem for her. In the movies the girls always spent time styling their hair and putting on make-up, spending time to choose what outfit to wear.**

**No one even noticed if she wore the same clothes for days in a row. What was the point anyway? Nice clothes were for pretty girls to squeal over with their friends over, hair for others to compliment, make-up to look more attractive to a guy or something. Since no one really noticed her anyway, those things were pointless.**

**She got dressed quickly, throwing on a black hooded sweatshirt over a long white sleeveless tank, and jeans. To complete the blending-in-with-the-scenery look she put on combat boots that were completely hidden under the baggy jeans. Her only concessions to beauty were silver hoop earrings she always wore, they had been a gift from her mother and she wore a small gold chain with a tiny cresent moon pendant for the same reason. **

**She looked in the mirror. Reasonable. She wasn't ugly, so she didn't stick out. She was average. Her eyebrows were tweezed, her skin smooth. She blinked. Average.**

**She walked downstairs. Lydia was on the couch, watching the News before work. The girl's bag was at the door, as usual. **

**She went to the cupboards and took out a nutrition bar that would serve as breakfast, and took a cold bottle of water from the fridge to put in the bag. "Lydia, I'm going to school." She paused, not expecting a reaction but hoping for one. "Bye."**

**In response, the woman flipped a channel. She doubted she'd heard. The money for her lunch was on the counter as usual. $7. Enough for her to get a sandwitch and maybe a dessert of some kind. She usually didn't spend the money but kept it, along with the money she made from her after-school job at the library. She never knew when she might need it.**

**She left the house and walked to school. She hated the bus, the closed space and people she didn't know that didn't know her yammering in all directions, like a slow suffication.**

**School was as dead as always. Her first class was English. She was taking the advanced course, and the class was small, only 13 people aside from the substitute teacher, and 2 students were missing. She looked around. Everyone sat with a friend or group of friends, except for her and another boy. She looked over at him.**

**She'd never had a crush in her life, unless she counted some characters in the novels or movies she'd read and seen. And her sexual experiences had been nothing short of terrifying. **

**But she looked at this boy, his long blondish hair, annoyed expression, and black leather; she felt a strange sensation creep over her heart. She looked away quickly.**

**The previous day's assignment had been to collect a favourite poem and a favourite song's lyrics and bring them to class. They had to discuss as a class the meanings behind each one and then seperately take some of those themes and write a short story using one sentence from either as an opening line, and one as a closing. The short story part they were told about that day.**

**The boy fell to the back of her mind as she pulled out her journal from behind the binder pages. They had to begin each class with a short journal, and she wrote quickly about wanting to get a pet cat and disliking the school bus because she was claustrophobic. That should satisfy the teacher.**

**She looked at her real journal. The worn black leather gazed fondly back at her. She never bothered to date them, just went to a fresh page and wrote.**

_**I decided today is the day I commit suicide. I don't know why exactly I picked today, but I feel it is time. I already have the knife with me, tucked inside my belt. I know what I will do. The best place is the school roof, no one is ever there, hardly. Or maybe someplace a bit more secretive, like somewhere behind the park by the apartments?**_

_**I will then proceed to slit both my wrists and sit back, and relax. I wonder how long it will take for me to die? And how long for my body to be found. If someone found it at school, would they recognize me or care? Who would come to my funeral? I don't know why this thought bothers me, but it does.**_

_**I'm afraid of no one coming. I suppose even my death will be insignificant. But at least I will be gone and won't be able to be a nuisance to anyone. More than that, I suppose. The family I live with can get someone better, someone who is prettier, and better than me. Someone who smiles and spends more time out with friends than alone reading.**_

_**Its too bad about the boy though. He's beautiful, like an abondoned poem left crumbling on the shelf. No one bother to looks at it, but it has its own beauty and secrets. He looks abondoned, somehow; and almost lost. I suppose its not even my buisness. Not that he would notice anyway.**_

**Mello sighed with boredom. He sat in the back of the class, his own self-exile. Whenever a student tried to get friendly with him he gave them a well-deserved glare and they usually scurried away. How boring. Too bad Matt wasn't in this class.**

**But Matt said he didn't care about English anyway and no way was he taking the advanced course for no reason. Mello couldn't agree more but…Near had taken this class. Ever since their days at Wammy's House, they had been rivals and Mello was determined to best him at whatever he could. Even if it was a stupid course he didn't care about.**

**Near sat surrounded by some people Mello vaguely recognized. They all fawned over him, giggling that he wore pyjamas to school and begging him to help them think of meanings for their choices. Mello didn't think there was anyone in the stupid class that really took it seriously anyway. Except Near, who was blatently ignoring the death glares Mello sent his way.**

**Fantastic. Now the teacher was picking random people to read the lyrics they had chosen. The first girl to go up was clearly an airhead, reading out some Britney Spears song and saying that the song reflected a very difficult period of her life and the pain of her break up with Justin Timberlake. **

**The sub laughed and asked for class opinion.**

**Mello seriously felt like shooting himself in the head.**

**She looked up, they were discussing poems now. She pulled hers out lightly. The poem was one of her favourites and she relished being able to write about it. She was glad that she was never chosen to read out loud. **

**She smiled dreamily and looked out the window. **

"**The girl in the black hoodie! Hello!"**

**She turned abrutly. Most of the class was giggling. She realized, blushing, that the teacher had obviously been trying to get her attention for a few minutes.**

"**Sorry sir. Can you repeat yourself?" her voice was soft even in her own ears; a small voice, almost hoarse but she thought, still pretty. She liked hearing herself read out loud. **

**But not, she thought, flushing, in front of the class.**

"**Your name, miss?" he asked, pencil poised over his sheet.**

"**My…my name?" she stammered.**

"**Yes, I presume you know it," he said sarcastically. The class was openly giggling now.**

**She flushed deeper. She was just surprised, with no one to talk to for a long time…no one had asked her name in a long time. **

"**I'm…I'm Jade." She said it shyly, wishing the earth could just swallow her up.**

"**Well Jade, stand up and read us the poem you picked." **

**Shit.**

**Mello watched her get up. Aside from him, she was the only person in the class sitting alone. Most of the poems read he had found stupid and pointless and shallow, worth talking about in a grade 3 class maybe.**

**Somehow though, he thought that hers would be different. Maybe because she so obviously didn't fit in with the rest of the class that it had to be. **

**She stood up, holding a paper loosely in her hand. "What is she wearing?" Some girl in the front row snickered. He saw her flush even deeper and lower her head, thick hair hiding her face. **

"**My poem is by Fannie Heaslip Lea," she began. The name alone brought snickers to most of the class, but she ignored it and continued. "Its called 'The Dead Faith':**

**She made a little shadow-hidden grave,**

**The day Faith died;**

**Therein she laid it, heard the clod's sick fall,**

**And smiled aside—**

"**If less I ask," tear-blind, she mocked, "I may**

**Be less denied."**

**She set a rose to blossom in her hair,**

**The day Faith died—**

"**Now glad," she said, "And free at last, I go**

**And life is wide."**

**But through long nights she stared into the dark,**

**And knew she lied. "**

**She finished it. Mello was actually a little impressed with her choice. **

**The teacher clearly wasn't. "Well that was cheerful," he said cruelly. "And what might your thoughts on it be."**

**She sat down. "Um…to me it's about a girl that loses not just her faith, but…her innocence. Like her childhood has been taken away from her and she tries to pick up the pieces but she can't. She tries to lie to herself and say that it doesn't matter and that she is better off where she is now but she knows that's a lie…its not better. Its worse."**

"**Very interesting." He said dryly. Mello wanted to kick him. Someone finally gave a serious answer and instead of being impressed he was bored. "Anyone else got ideas on it?"**

"**Why'd you pick such a depressing poem?" some girl asked, Mello recognized her face…her name was Alice. "Seriously. I mean emo-much?"**

**The girl bit her lip. "It reminds me of me and my mom."**

**Alice laughed. "I'm sure she'd love to hear that! Maybe we should tell her what her daughter thinks of her!"**

**The class laughed. Except for the girl, Near, and Mello.**

**Jade's face didn't change. "You couldn't." she said, her voice soft. "My mother is dead." **

_**Stepping over**_

_**Shadows from your smile**_

_**Losing myself**_

_**In these waves of light**_

**Near and Mello make an appearance. What do you think of the poem? The chapter?? Whatever?? Just review please.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Death Note, characters, Milla Jovovich lyrics, etc. There. I admit it. **

**Chapter Two **

**Well, she thought to herself during math. English class was…awful. She sighed. It had been bad enough to have to read her poem out loud, but…she knew they wouldn't get it. Their regular teacher Mrs. Schietzer would have understood it, she knew that. But the substitute hadn't. **

**Then Alice had to bring up her mother. Jade wanted to wring her scrawny little neck for saying that. **_**No one gets a thing about me! No one…**_

**Fuck the rest of the school day, she thought. I'm going to go kill myself.**

**The teacher got called down to the office; "I'll be right back stay where you are," he said. Most of the kids got up a minute later, some started wandering outside.**

**Jade took her things and walked out.**

**No one noticed.**

**Mello and Matt were skipping class and just roaming the halls. Mello was bored and telling him about the incident in the English class and paused when Matt asked him about the girl. Not that he was interested himself, there was just nothing really to talk about.**

**Mello paused. He wasn't sure how to describe her. "Interesting."**

**Matt laughed. "That's the first time you say that about a girl. You like her or something?"**

**Mello grinned. "No…if you saw her you wouldn't even ask."**

"**She ugly or something?"**

"**No. You just can't see her, she's all in baggy clothes that cover everything but her face and hands and her hair hides her face. I wouldn't be able to tell if she was pretty or not."**

**Matt shrugged. "Let's go to the roof and have a smoke."**

"**Matt, its fucking raining."**

"**So? Why do you care if you get a little wet, its not like you're going back to class anytime soon."**

"**You just want to play your gameboy where no teachers can catch you."**

**Matt grinned. "What can I say? I'm hooked."**

**She took her things from her locker. Bag, books; her finished water bottle she tossed in the recycle. She went to the staircase leading to the roof. It was forbidden to go there but she did it anyway. It was big enough to hide someone as small as her. **

**At the top, a nice breeze blew through her hair. She smiled. It was so peaceful, so nice. She wanted this peace forever. She went to the edge and climbed the railing, swinging her feet over the side. To make things better, it was raining. A nice, soft rain that drizzled grey.**

**She loved the rain. Ever since she was little she'd gone outside during rain storms and sat there, feeling the power of the wind and wet storm all around her and rejoicing in it.**

**She hopped back on to the roof. Her hoodie was much to big for her, the tips of her fingers faintly visible from the loose sleeves. It was warm, and comforting but she took it off anyway. She wanted to feel the rain on her skin directly. Like this, the scars on her wrists were plainly visible, the tattoo on her back visible from the low cut of the tank. It was actually pretty revealing but that didn't bother her considering no one ever saw her in it.**

**She sat down, cross-legged. She pulled out a smoke and lit it, shielding it from the weather as best as she could. She looked out.**

**I can't even go through with it, she thought dejectedly. I can't even kill myself. God I'm fucking pathetic.**

**What a word. It rang in her ears, like a hard, hollow bell. **_**Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. Patheticpatheticpathetic.**_** It mixed with other words. **_**Patheticuselessstupiddoomednamelessunknownunloved…patheticuselessstupiddoomednamelessunknownunloved…**_

**She held her hands up to her ears as they spun around her. She took the knife and bit it into her tender, pale skin. She created a violent slash, not to kill but to bleed, and hurt, and scar. She took a long drag from her cigarette and did it again.**

**The best thing, she thought, about the rain is that it can wash away anyway. Tears, sorrow, blood…**

**Mello cursed Matt as soon as they got to the roof. It was fucking **_**wet **_**up there. Matt didn't seem to care. The door's overhang provided protection from the rain so he smoked and played there. Mello, bored again, leaned on the wall next to him listening to the sounds from his stupid gameboy.**

**Wait a second…was someone else up there? He looked around. There was a discarded bag near the railing. He took a step to see around the doors and there was…Jade?**

**He looked, interested. She looked much better than she had in class. He nudged Matt to take a look. She was sitting on the ground, looking comfortable. Her shirt, being white, was completely see-through by this point and the low-cut of her shirt provided them with a very nice view of her boobs, which they could see were clearly of a good size. That and her pretty black bra, stark against the shirt.**

**Her hair wasn't so much in her face and they could see a pretty structure, and unblemished skin. If she had been wearing any make-up it would have been washed off and Mello was interested to see that she wasn't wearing any due to the fact that she didn't have raccoon eyes.**

"**She's hot," Matt said before returning to his game. "I think she's bleeding though."**

**Mello looked more carefully. Squinting against the rain, he noticed that in fact she did have a pool of red around her, the rain pushing the mixed water and blood from her wrists to the rooftop where it dyed it red.**

**In fact…Mello saw her take another hard drag and lower a knife to her skin, cutting more open.**

"**Hey!" he called out to her. "What are you doing?"**

**Apparently she's deaf, he thought. He looked back at Matt, who was still smoking and playing calmy and fixedly as though it wasn't pouring, Mello wasn't glaring at them, and there wasn't an unknown girl slitting her wrists not ten feet from them.**

**Well, there really wasn't anything better to do. He might as well go see what the fuck was up with that girl.**

**She cried openly from the pain, not loudly but quietly, tears washing down wet cheeks. The blood looked so beautiful in the rain, little rivers falling from her wrists on to a rooftop that reflected…a pissed blond in black leather?**

"**What the hell is wrong with you," he asked. He looked pissed. Or maybe it was his usual expression, because he'd looked sort of like he was now in class. It could be he simply didn't appreciate getting wet.**

"**W-What?" she stammered, surprised. What the hell was he doing on **_**her**_** rooftop? She realized he was looking from the knife in her hand to the open cuts on her wrists and the blood trailing to the ground.**

"**What the fuck?" he asked. "You come up here to kill yourself or something?"**

"**Leave me alone," she said. He didn't budge. "Leave me alone!" she said louder, unconciously pointing the knife at him. She stopped, looking surprised at herself and her eyes widened. "Um…"**

"**Oh hell no," Mello said, a sort of grin playing at the corner of his mouth. His eyes gleamed. "You did **_**not **_**just try to threaten me."**

**Before she could move he snatched the wrist with the knife, squeezing hard enough on her wounds to make her cry out and drop the knife. His other hand grabbed her other wrist, hard.**

**The struggled against his grip and he laughed. Furious, she kicked at his legs. Surprised, he stumbled. If it had been dry land, he would have righted himself instantly and kicked her back. Mello didn't really have a problem with hitting girls if they were bothering him. **

**As it was however, he slipped on the wet ground and basically fell on top of her. This came as a bit of a shock to both of them and they ended up with Mello on top of Jade, his hands pining her wrists down by her side, his knee between her legs and their faces inches apart.**

_**Strong hands holding her down. **_

"_**Let me go!" she screamed. **_

_**He didn't answer. His hand held her small weak wrists easily, the other reaching for her pants…**_

**Her eyes widened in horror. She gasped, wanting to scream but couldn't seem to. She was too terrified to react. Mello, on his part, seemed to be surprised but was enjoying the power he had over her.**

**She got her bearings. He's not huge, she thought. Not the same..not the same…not the same…it became a hysterical chant in her head. "Get off me!" **

"**Why?" Mello asked casually. He stayed above her easily. In a quick movement he pinned both her hands above her head and held them easily with one of his own. The other reached for the knife beside them. "So you can try to attack me with this again?" He'd definitely found a way to beat the boredom.**

**She made a frustrated sound and tried to wrench her wrists free. The water poured down more heavily now, harder on her since she was face up to it. She discovered that it was not particularily pleasant. Neither was he. He just grinned sadistically when she tried to free herself.**

"**So, what's this knife for?" he asked pleasantly. "You into pain?" he looked at it with interest. "I can go for that."**

"**What?" Was he insane?**

**Apparently. She tensed as he leaned over her, bringing his head above her face and then, slowly, licked at the blood dripping from her wrist. Then, his tongue moved from her palm to her second wrist, where he did the same thing and even loosely pulled at the skin with his teeth. Her eyes widened. What the fuck was he—?**

**He slid the knife along her arm, into the center of her loosely closed hand, opened the palm with his fingers. He lightly held it there, and drew a thin line of blood. She cried out as he did the same to the other palm, harder than the first.**

"**Get off me you sick bastard!" she threw all her weight into freeing herself, but he held her easily. Not difficult to do considering she was about 100 pounds. **

"**Hey," he said grinning. "I'm not the one that started with the knife. I'm just helping you experiment a bit…" with that he brought his face to hers and kissed her. **

**She was so shocked her body went numb and she stopped fighting for a good 20 seconds while he kissed her. He kissed her hard, painfully, biting her lip hard enough to draw blood and forcing his tongue into her mouth. While he kissed, his hand gripped tighter on her wrists, the other hand holding her face. **

**He stopped and she gazed upwards at him, half-blinded by the rain. "You can't stop me from kissing you," he said. **

**Her surprise turned to alarm as his hand moved downwards, between her breasts and down to her pants, touching her just above where the zipper ended. He gripped the jeans hard. "I could yank these jeans off you right now and anything else I pleased and you couldn't stop me then either." His voice wasn't pleasant anymore, it was cold. "I could do whatever I wanted and you**_** couldn't stop me**_**."**

**Her breath came out in small gasps. "Please…" she whispered.**

**He put away the knife's blade and tucked it into his vest. "Don't screw around with me Jade, and don't try to threaten me again."**

**She couldn't say anything. With that, he gave her wrists one last squeeze and kissed her again.**

**Matt led a relatively simple existence compared to that of Mello for a very simple reason: he was much lazier, much calmer, rarely stressed about anything, and always either had a game with him or on his mind so he was never really bored.**

**When Mello mentioned the girl from his class and later pointed her out to him, his first thought was: Mello has a crush. This was a bit of a concern since Mello was still his only crush and if their late nights were any indication he was Mello's as well, but he didn't stress. Mello had no idea how to treat a girl in the first place and would probably end up just scaring her. Also, he looked so cute pretending that he didn't like her.**

**When he first looked up from his game to casually see what the pair was doing, he saw Mello talking to her. Cool, he thought. Mello's actually looking relatively calm, well for Mello being wet anyway.**

**When he looked up again, after defeating Bowser and waiting for Mario to finish stomping the castle, he saw Mello on the ground with her, hair covering both their faces and he had her completely pinned to the ground, knee between her legs. Well, he thought. Either they're about to fuck or they're fighting. The knife works both ways.**

**The third time it was Mello that made him look up, tapping him on the shoulder and telling him to go in because it was fucking pouring outside. Matt shrugged. So…either the girl was a very quick shag or Mello had just been scaring her. Judging from the grin on his face as he played around with a switchblade Matt was sure he didn't have before Matt opted for the second option. **

**She sat there on the roof, holding her sore wrists up to her chest. Tears slid down her cheeks. Some of them were for the pain, which was considerable at this point. That guy was **_**strong**_**. She wouldn't have expected that sort of strength from someone with his slender frame.**

**Some tears were from the horrible, horrible memories that he had brought to the surface when he held her down and hurt her. Memories that she preferred to forget during the day, they haunted her at night often enough. **

**But the most tears where for what he did to her. Not just her body, that hurt a lot, but to her heart. He'd terrified her, but more than that, made her feel…lust. The soft kiss before he'd gotten up, so different from the one before it. Softer, but still hard, as though trying to leave an impression. It was more than that, because for some reason, when he had been enjoying being on top of her…she had enjoyed it too.**

**Oh God, she thought. What's wrong with me? The saddest part was that she sat there in the rain not crying because of what Mello had done, but because he'd left.**

_**Reaching from nowhere**_

_**Feeling for your hands**_

_**Screaming out your name**_

_**Nearing towards you.**_

**So, the end of chapter 2.**

**Tell me what you think!! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Heyy!! Thank you for reading!! I'm so happy and exhausted. And I smoked too much weed today so my brain is dead. Oh well.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, or the lyrics at the end of the chapter. Just my own characters**

**Chapter Three**

**The girl walked back to the apartment slowly. She knew that she could potentially get in trouble for only attending one class in the entire day but she didn't care very much. Her lips still throbbed from the boy's kiss…she wish that she knew his name at least.**

**The first thing she'd done is gone to clean up her arm in the school bathroom, washing it well. After, she'd left.**

**There would be no one at the apartment now. Lydia was at work, she was a receptionist at some firm; and Richard—really—just—call—me—Rich was at his own behind a cubicle job. She didn't really care. Aside from their first day or so of conversation after she'd arrived they pretty much left her alone.**

**She got there quicker than she'd expected. Apparently she walked faster when lost in thought. She went inside and the first thing she did was go to dry her hair. She looked at her reflection in the mirror.**

**The one thing she liked about her body was the amount of jewellery and art on it. She had multiple piercings in her right ear with a row of tiny silver hoops going up, and three in the left ear, the hoop, a stud beside it, and a stud in the center. She had her nose done too, a tiny stud she loved. She had a gorgeous tattoo of a tiger running down the center of her back, and another of a rose on her neck hidden by her hair. She had a black flame pattern on her lower back, a writhing dragon from her lower stomach that stretched about 4 and a half inches downward, and a tiny star pattern on her left ankle. **

**She decided that all her clothes were too wet to wear and replaced them with another pair of dark baggy jeans, and an oversize black tee under a further oversized black hoodie with ripped sleeves. She decided that the buying of a cat was enough of an occasion for make-up and applied plenty of black eyeliner. Feeling ready, she grabbed her bag and left.**

**Mello didn't usually obsess about anything other than beating Near. But now he was obsessing about some stupid girl he hadn't even noticed 24 hours ago. And it was fucking irratating. **

**It's not obsessing, he thought. It's curiousity. And, somewhere in there, maybe a bit of guilt. He did have a reputation as a bully, and really didn't mind hurting the other classmates when he wanted to. But he felt as though he'd gone too far with her. **

**Damn. He didn't know what had made him act that way. He wasn't even that pissed with her. Just pissed off in general. To make it worse, Matt was being quiet about the incident which usually meant he didn't approve. He didn't want that to be the truth either.**

**He scowled. Much as he hated it, most likely he was either going to have to beat the shit out of someone to take out his frustrations, or find the damn girl and mumble some sort of apology. Or charity like…saving her from the path of an oncoming truck instead of standing around and watching it while eating chocolate.**

**He scowled. He hoped she'd run into some trunks. In the literal sense of the word.**

**She walked out of the apartments. The Tomb, she called the building. Cold and empty of feeling. Inside, she felt like an intruder, she belonged to no one there. **

**Jade hadn't always been such a loner. In her last home, when she was 14, she'd disliked her foster parents but had managed to make a few friends. Friends that got her interested in the occult and had paid for her tattoos and piercings. Her best friend had been Laila.**

**With Laila she had learned how to get stuff from stores for free. She had smoked her first cigarette, tried her first joint, drank her first beer, snorted her first pills, and had her first kiss with Laila. Laila had gotten her into the occult, shown her how to apply make-up, and had always been there for her.**

**She wondered why she was remembering her now. Laila was still in L.A somewhere, living with whatever new loser her mom started dating. She was two years older than Jade, so she should be 19 now.**

**I'm probably still freaked out over what happened today at school, she thought. If she were here I'd tell her about it. She sighed. It didn't do any good to think about what she couldn't change. She did that often enough in regards to her parents, she didn't need to spoil the memories of her friends too.**

**That's all they are now anyway, she thought. Memories.**

**She stopped at Practical Magick. It was a small shop, and had taken her a while to find. Stepping inside, she saw a few people and decided to browse through some books.**

**She already had several, but she was interested in a few others. She grabbed a book of candle magick, and another on the occult in history, with different viewpoints. The books were at a bargain, so she didn't bother to pick between the two and took both. She went to the other parts of the shop, picking up other supplies. The girl working was one she didn't recognize; a friendly-looking redhead with pretty pink lips that never appeared to stop moving.**

**She shyly made conversation while she paid and left after a cheerful "Come back soon!!" from the other girl.**

**She walked over to the animal shelter, where she had been intending to go originally. She smiled. It would be so nice to have a companion, even an animal one.**

**Inside, the smell and sound of cats, dogs, rabbits, and other animals assualted her senses. She walked down the aisle, looking through cages, giggling at prancing kittens, flaying paws, and mewing little faces. Finally, a cat caught her eye, a bit of an older one with gorgeous black fur.**

**She looked at the cat closer, startled by the sharp intelligence in the creature's eyes. She asked a man who obviously worked there about the cat.**

**"We call him Pantera," he said. "That means—"**

**"Panther, I know," she said.**

**He looked at her curiously. "You speak Spanish?"**

**"I lived in L.A for 3 years. It's easy to pick up when everyone else speaks it." She didn't feel it necessary to mention that she was also half-Mexican because frankly, she'd met other people with exotic origins and a lot of them couldn't speak their own language. She also didn't mention that her grandmother, before she'd died, hadn't known a word of English other than "fuck you" and "Hello, where is the bathroom?"**

**"Anyway," he said. "He's a smart one, but you might like a kitten better if you want a playmate. He doesn't like people. Been kicked around too much I guess. He doesn't trust us, or other cats much for that matter. Except that skinny cross-eyed one."**

**Jade looked back at the cat. He watched her still, liquid green eyes compelling her to go to him. "I still want him," she said. "I can take the other one too." **

**He shrugged. "Your call."**

**She signed the necessary papers and gave a large donation, then realized that she had no way to carry them out in. She sighed. She was going to feel ridiculous walking down the street with a cat and bags in her hands.**

**"You have a way to carry 'em?" the man, whose nametag read Alan, asked. **

**"My car's outside," she lied easily.**

**"Sure it is," he smiled. "That's why you got your bags with you."**

**She flushed, caught in her lie. He winked and took out a small carrier and said "Don't worry about it." She smiled gratefully at him and watched him place the cat inside. Pantera hissed at him, and scatched him spitefully. When he brought him, she heard his low growls. The other cat had gone in easily. **

**"I'll call a taxi," she said. **

**He rolled his eyes. "Second lie in 5 minutes. Have fun walking home."**

**She giggled. He was good. **

**When she got back, no one was back yet. As expected. She went up to her room and opened the carrier. The cats had been restless, probably from being cooped up. They eagerly got out.**

**Alan had said the smaller female cat hadn't been named yet, so she felt free to name her Hekate. She and Pantera were complete opposites, both were slim but the male much bigger and clearly stronger, his coat glossy black with fiery, liquid green eyes. For some reason, she looked at him and thought of the boy, of his fierce stare. Hekate was smaller, tinier, and almost pure white. Her eyes were 2 big blue shining orbs that looked at her seriously, making her look comical since they were cross-eyed. **

**Hekate was friendlier. She went to the girl, and rubbed her tiny head on her hand. Love me love me, she seemed to say. Jade complied, stroking her lightly on her head and neck. The other stayed farther back, but watched her. It wasn't a suspicious gaze, just intense. She felt like he was sizing her up. **

**"I'll feed you in a bit," she said. "But stay here. I'll open the window in a while, after you've gotten used to me."**

**Already her heart felt lighter, a smile tugged at her lips. The girl huddled in the small room, the cats around her, and happier than she'd been in a long while.**

**Mello took another bite of chocolate. Sweet, heavenly chocolate. It was an addiction he would never resist. **

**After school, a few guys had been walking by and one had casually mentioned Mello's choice of black leather to school to his friends. The boy was obviously an idiot, and new to the school because they had tried to shush him.**

**Mello had, of course, beaten the living shit out of all four of them. And it had been fun, but he still felt restless. He wanted to beat more people. Squash them, anything to get this stupid girl's face out of his head.**

**She hadn't even fucking cried when he grabbed her. Just got scared and mad. But she started crying when he kissed her and left and that bothered him more. It wasn't that big a deal, he thought. **

**To make things worse, Matt was being uncharacteristically silent, something that bugged Mello more. Because really, who was Matt to be silent? Mello hadn't done anything to him. In fact, all day he'd been trying to get him to talk.**

**He was there now, sitting on the floor instead of on the couch with Mello, playing on his old Nintendo. Stupid fucking bastard, making him feel guilty.**

**"Matt, you pissed at me?"**

**Matt didn't even glance away. "Nope."**

**"Why aren't you on the couch?" Mello challenged.**

**"I felt like sitting on the floor. Besides, with the mood you've been in today, I figured you'd want some space."**

**Mello snapped. "What mood?"  
Matt didn't answer while he rapidly hit the buttons, a cigarette dangling from his lip, eyes glued to the screen as several enemies appeared out of nowhere and he tried to fend them off.**

**"Matt," Mello warned. "You don't answer and I take the stupid thing and toss it out the fucking window. After breaking it in half, along with your hands."**

**"Well," Matt paused. "As illustrated, you're in a particularily bad mood. You beat up some random guys because he mentioned that your choice of clothes was interesting. You nearly kicked the ass of the innocent guy that asked you for a smoke. You made that worker at the KFC cry and got us thrown out when you grabbed the manager; and have been glowering into space since school."**

**Mello blinked. Of course it sounded bad when he said it like that. "Its not like I hit you or anything. So are you mad at me?"**

**"You just threatened to break my hands," Matt pointed out, calmly hitting restart when his party died. "And no, I'm not. So how about that girl today?"**

**"What girl?" Mello asked, feigning ignorance. **

**Matt sounded bored. "The one on the roof."**

**"What about her?"**

**"You been thinking about her?" Matt asked. He was about to start playing but Mello looked at him so furiously he wisely put the controller down and turned off the console.**

**"Why would I be thinking about her?" Mello looked really pissed. He took a vicous bite of chocolate. Matt raised his eyebrows.**

**"Maybe you like her," he said. "And you want to know if I'm mad at you because you're mad at you for treating her like that because you like her and probably just scared her away."**

**Mello didn't say anything. After a minute he said: "Matt, have you been reading Lisa's **_**Psychology For The Teen Age **_**again?"**

**Matt looked down, embarressed. "Uh…might of thumbed through it, casually, in class when the teacher took my gameboy…"**

**Mello rolled his eyes. "Next time, don't come at me with cheap psychology crap or I'm beating the shit out of you."**

**Matt shrugged. He was used to Mello's mood swings. That was something he liked about him, there were no levels of bullshit with Mello because he could never hide what he felt anyway. "I'm gonna take a shower. Care to join me?"**

**Mello grinned. **

_**Time is getting colder**_

_**And I'm getting older, older**_

_**Where is the face that I knew before?**_

_**I am awake and cannot sleep**_

**So. Here she is. I find I cannot write during the day, only during the morning hours of 2-5. isn't that starnge? I don't know how I can write with like 2 hours of sleep a night but whatever…**

**Review this please, I thought this chapter would be good to reveal a bit more of Jade's history and personality. The next chapter is gonna be faster and with more action. Bear with me, I'm tired. **

**Night everyone. **


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm in such a good mood but I'm so tired. I got back from Canada's Wonderland a while ago and I've been up all day after 3 hours of sleep. Walking. **

**Dead tired. But happy. So it is now 1 in the morning and I can finally settle down to write. See how I suffer for this?? So be nice and review.**

**Oh, and my friend asked me why Jade says she lives in an attic, but lives in an apartment building. She means attic as in old, kind of musty, and ignored. Like the shitty room of the house. Like my room. Matchbox size.**

**Disclaimer: Seriously, by now these people should realize that I obviously do not own Death Note. And its not like I'm pretending the lyrics (by Milla Jovovich) are mine either…**

**Chapter Four**

**As expected, Lydia and Rich hadn't noticed anything. They never went into her room at all, or even in the little hallway it was in. Their bedroom was completely on the other side of the apartment, along with the nice bathroom. Jade suspected that her room had been a large closest before she'd moved in.**

**Oh well. She couldn't complain. Lydia and Jack were nice people, just not nice parents. But they were better than her other foster homes had been, and were a definate improvement over the living conditions she'd had with her real parents.**

**The night before she had cheerfully fallen asleep with Hekate curled up against her head. The black one watched her but didn't seem to dislike her. He even came for her to pet him good-bye too when she bent down to adore Hekate. **

**As usual, she was in uniform. The school uniform was a bit of a joke actually, and Jade in particular found it annoying. It was a long-sleeved white blouse with a gray sweater vest that only made her boobs stick out more than they usually did and the sizes dwarfed her already tiny, thin figure. The girls had to wear a blue and gold plaid skirt with white knee-highs, so of course Jade had the skirt rolled a few inches to avoid feeling like a pioneer but instead got to show off her thin, pale legs to the world. And to top of the utter ridiculousness of the outfit, overtop she had to wear a blue and gold plaid tie and matching navy blue jacket. **

**In the stupid uniform she felt like she should be walking around with a white hankercheif to wave to the soldiors and eat scones. She'd be more comfortable in her usual baggy attire.**

**Usual morning routine. Probably Lydia didn't even realize I wasn't in uniform yesterday. Jade mulled over these thoughts. It was amazing how without even trying everything made her feel about 2 inches tall. They lived in the same house, and Jade was still too insignificant for her foster mother to even say good morning to.**

**Outside, the weather was warm. It had rained again during the night, and the ground was covered in long, dank puddles. She was about to cross the set of lights when she heard a familiar voice call out in surprise: "**_**Jade?**_**"**

**She turned around. A figure in a tiny t-shirt on a bike was talking to her. The girl pulled over to the side and took off her helmet. Thick white hair was tied back in a ponytail, surrounding a familiar face she couldn't place…**

**"Laila? That you?" she walked over, a smile breaking over her face. "I can't believe it. What are you doing here?"**

**"I'll tell you later," she said, pulling the younger girl into a hug. "I got a spare helmet, hop on."**

**"What about…" Jade didn't finish, and gestured at the uniform.**

**Laila snorted. "Yeah that outfit sucks, don't worry big sister Laila is loaded right now and can buy you something else to wear. Get on the bike."**

**That wasn't exactly what Jade had been trying to say in regards to the uniform but she took a split second to make her descision. School was where the substitute from Hell would be along with the boy from the day before. She didn't want to deal with that first thing in the morning, and Laila could drop her off for her after lunch classes. **

**She smiled, took the helmet, and climbed on.**

**Mello had decided on a plan of action. When the girl walked in for class, he would go before attendance was taken and the joke of a substitute teacher walked in. He'd just walk casually to her desk, and mutter a quick apology about the Roof Incident (that was how Matt said it, like it was fucking capitalized or something) and say he was having a really bad day, shouldn't had taken it out on her, etc. **

**It was foolproof. It was perfect. It was simple. And sadly, it all depended on the one factor of her coming to class.**

**Mello waited. She could just be late. The girls that usually got to class the latest, giggling and apologizing like morons, walked in. The sub just shook his head and told them to take a seat.**

**They took attendance. They sat through announcements. They started reviewing the homework and getting back last week's corrected essay rough copy. **

**She didn't show up.**

**Mello was getting angrier and angrier. That stupid, ungrateful bitch! He'd gone through all the trouble of coming up with an easy way for him to apologize without making her awkward and the fucking slut couldn't even bother to come to a class?**

**He was becoming more annoyed with everything. The fucking uniform, the fucking substitute, the fucking homework that was 2 less than Near's, the stupid student that pratically tripped on his own feet to get away from him when he'd snarled at him receiving the mark, Near, and that fucking stupid useless bitch that didn't bother to come to class.**

**He unwrapped a bar of chocolate and took a vicious, snarling bite. Then another. God help the sub if he asked him to get rid of it.**

"**He **_**what**_**?" Laila's big brown eyes were wide. "Holy fuck Jade what did you do?"**

**Jade shrugged uncomfortably. True to her word, Laila had bought her new clothes so she was sitting comfortably in a warm pink hoodie, sexy cut-offs and smelling vaguely fruity with what Laila had used to style her hair into a sweet, fluffy ponytail. **

**Looking at her, Laila would have thought she looked hot but without make-up, her face was too sweet and angelic, with the big amber eyes, long girly lashes, full lips and delicate features. She looked too pure to be hot.**

**"I kind of froze up, and then he left. I don't know what surprised me more. That he kissed me so gently or that I was sad that he left."**

**"Hmm…"Laila didn't say anything. As usual, she seemed oblivious to the attention she was attracting. The little café didn't usually see sexy biker chicks with long white hair, the bottom tips and a streak through her bangs black, wearing a tiny little tee that showed off her rock hard abs and dragon tattoo similar to the one Jade had.**

**Jade was frankly a little worried that Laila would storm up to the school on her motorcycle and demand to know where Mello was so she could fight him. But there was something else that was bothering her.**

**"Laila, where did you get the money for the bike, the clothes, the trip to New York…"**

**"It's not a trip." The older girl took a sip of coffee. "I live here now." Jade's facial expression asked the question so she took another sip and answered. "I'm working…kind of in the porn industry. Basically, a guy I met in L.A opened up some doors for me so I'm doing like, live videos. Not sex or whatever, mostly I just wrestle with other girls. The money's great and it got me away from fuckface Eric, my mom's new boytoi." She stood up. "Let's go."**

**They stepped outside. Laila looked at Jade seriously. "I missed you."**

**Jade, surprised, replied "Me too. I mean, I haven't really made any friends since coming here. I missed having you to talk to."**

**Laila didn't say anything. "I'm gonna be busy for a couple of weeks, but I got time now so I'm taking you shopping, no buts, ands, or refusals. I'm willing to bet my bike you're back to your old baggy jeans and oversize T-shirts instead of showing off your tight little body."**

**"Laila, I'm a stick figure. With annoying boobs."**

**"Uh, no, your morning sit-ups really toned your stomach. And your legs are nice, I saw them in that skirt remember? Plus, hello, your boobs are like, the size of the state of California. You still telling me you're **_**not**_** hot?"**

**Jade burst out laughing. **

**Mello was still seething during lunch. Matt was sitting by his locker, playing an older version of Gameboy. Mello stormed up to the locker, pratically tearing it open and swearing when two of his books fell out. A pair of freshman girls standing nearby gave a united, terrified little squeal and darted around the corner.**

**"In your usual good mood then Mello?" Matt asked casually, not even looking up.**

**In response, Mello viciously tore the game from his hands and smashed it against the floor. **

**Matt looked affronted. "You're buying me a new one. Those old systems are hard to find you know?"**

**"Matt." Mello said. "I don't fucking give a shit."**

**Matt didn't say anything. As expected, in a few seconds Mello was already telling him what the fuck his problem was.**

**"She didn't even show up. The little bitch didn't even show up for class!" he said. "After I went through the trouble to decide to apologize too, which I didn't have to do!" Getting pissed all over again, he kicked the locker aggressively. **

**"Mello, when you're through destroying inatimate objects, you might consider that she didn't show because you freaked her out and she doesn't want to see you." Really, he desereved a medal of fucking valor. Who the fuck else could put up with these types of mood swings. And Mello was really clueless when it came to figuring out other people's feelings…usually because he didn't care.**

**Mello thought this over. "Fuck it, I don't care."**

**"Sure you don't." Matt got up and started walking down the hallway.**

**"Matt, where the fuck are you going?"**

**"Since you destroyed my gameboy I'm going to have to go to the office and steal back all the others that got confiscated."**

**Mello went off on his own, presumably to beat someone. Really, Matt smiled, there wasn't anyone like him. And no one who understood him as well as Matt did. But he didn't like the fact that Mello appeared to be obbsessing over his complete lack of success with this girl. It was really making him difficult to live with.**

**Really, Matt thought. You'd think the fact that they fucked about 8 times a day (on some days) would have calmed him down a little, given him someplace to direct his passionate energy and emotion. **

**So, Matt decided that he had a full proof plan to get them all to deal with it, along with some experiments he wanted to try on the pair himself. After smashing his third game that month Matt really decided that Mello owed him some entertainment.**

**Laila drove them to the apartment a few hours later, the bike stashing their new clothes. Laughing, not even caring that school had been over for more than an hour, they went up.**

**"I can't believe you bought me so much stuff," Jade said again. "You really shouldn't have." She went to go pour herself some iced tea. Behind her, she saw Laila carefully dropping a white powder on the coffeetable, and snort it up.**

**"You want any of this?" she asked. Jade shrugged, bringing a glass for her friend as well.**

**"Maybe later. Lately all I've been doing is weed and like…some pills and shit. But give me some and I'll probably take it later."**

**From one of her many pockets Laila pulled out a second bag, empty, and distributed some of the powder inside. "You better enjoy this you bitch," she giggled. She drained her drink quickly. "Walk me back downstairs. I gotta go."**

**"Sure," Jade hesitated to ask. "You good to drive like that?"**

**"Yeah, no problem," Laila answered breezily. "Makes me more alert, you know?" Jade kept Laila's overactive 'alertness' to herself and walked her downstairs.**

**"Thanks again for the clothes," she said when they'd reached the bike. "You didn't have to—"**

**Laila leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft kiss, but lasted a few seconds. Jade was too stunned to kiss back. "Like I said, no big. I told you, I've got cash now. Things are gonna change, especially since I found you again. It's fucking fate, you know?" **

**With that, she gave Jade another quick kiss, put on her helmet, and rode off. Jade watched her leave, a mix of emotions in her gut.**

**Back upstairs, she pocketed the bag and opened the door to her room, carrying the bags and cat food. Hekate mewed instantly, but Jade knew something was wrong. **

**She looked around. Feeding the cats quickly, she serached her room. She felt a sense of wrongness, but didn't know why. She glanced quickly at her altar.**

**On it were a variety of things, but in particular that she looked at her tiny crystals. She always had them in a certain order, based on what they stood for and their element. To the side, she had corresponding flowers, albeit slightly wilted, which fit with the pattern.**

**She looked closely. They were all there, completely evenly spaced and in order of colour. She frowned. This cinched it, it the cats had been there they wouldn't have touched something and put it back later. Whoever had done it had had no idea about the meaning behind the placement.**

**The 'rents wouldn't go into her room. She **_**knew**_** that. But someone clearly had been.**

**Three minutes later she realized something else. Her journal was missing.**

_**I see a shining…**_

_**A sweeping from the clouds**_

_**A glimmer of hope**_

_**Is coming to feel our light.**_

**So. That was a bit rushed. I finished it now at exactly 2:44. shit im tired. And this really creepy spider is like really close to me but I don't want to kill it for no reason. I hope it goes away.**

**Anyway. Got big plans for the next chapter. It is time for Mello, Matt, and Jade to spend some quality time together. Hope you read and review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**The great sadness that is my life continues. I cannot even write in peace. Since its 3 in the morning and I havent eaten since 4 in the afternoon I decided to break a piece of cabasa (kabasa, how do you spell it?) to eat**

**My 2 cats (that resemble jade's cats not at all in appearance or personality) decided that it was feast time and ended up sitting in my lap, preventing me from seeing the keyboard or the screen, tearing into the meat that was supposed to be mine.**

**Now they're both watching me because I've safely hidden the piece that remains..its very distracting.**

**Big, shiny eyes…3 inches away from me…not blinking…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, the lyrics, etc. all I own is my own characters**

**Chapter Five**

**The minor break-in bothered her all day. She'd thoroughly checked the apartment and nothing else appeared to be missing. She didn't see the need to bring it up with Rich and Lydia, as it would also give to understand that she hadn't been home all day; when she said she didn't have to work until 7 that day.**

**Once again, she ate dinner alone in her room. She let the cats lick off the plate while she read **_**The Thief Lord. **_**She loved the book, when she had been younger she had wished for an older boy or girl to rescue her as well, and take her to sleep surrounded by friends in the Star Palace as well. Then she'd grown up.**

**She was pleasantly surprised when Pantera licked her hand, purring. "Does this mean you like me now?" she asked him. He simply curled up on her lap.**

**Matt was already in front of the TV, playing his Xbox when Mello got there, as usual. Mello went to his room, grabbed a chocolate bar on the way, and changed out of his work uniform.**

**"Got fired today," Mello informed Matt, as he flopped himself down gracefully on the couch beside him. Mello had a sort of casual elegance, dispite the fact that he sat with his legs and limbs uneven, almost laid-back, an arm resting on his unraised knee. **

**"There's a shock," Matt said, eyes not leaving the screen. "Is it because you threatened the manager again?"**

**"Nope. A custumer." Mello grinned. "Piece of shit job anyway, and I don't need it anyway."**

**Matt raised his eyebrows. "Why is that?" Mello however, remained secretive. **

**"I got something to show you," Matt said, after he leveled up and saved. "Paid your girlfriend a visit, but she wasn't home."**

**"What?" Mello got pissed. Shocker, thought Matt. "Seriously, are you the one that likes her or something? You're getting obsessive." Mello secretly felt better to be able to say that to someone else. It pissed him off enough when his head kept saying it to him.**

**"I stole her journal and checked her out. If you're curious you can look at it. If not, leave it." Matt didn't turn anything else on yet. He waited to see Mello's reaction.**

**Mello was curiously examining the journal, while pretending to be not interested. It was a good act, but Matt knew him too well for that. He glanced through the first few pages. Matt felt it was safe to return to his games and turned on the PS2. **

**Mello sat down, looking at the journal. He didn't feel the least bit like he was intruding on her privacy because it had been Matt that stole it and broke into her house. A lot of it was pictures and things she pasted in herself. **

**"She's in a foster home?" he said out loud. He looked at previous entries and poems. Some were distinctly dark and frankly disturbing, but Mello found them fascinating. He was surprised to see a suicide entry on the day that he'd…talked to her. Then another note about how she was too cowardly to kill herself. He skipped back to earlier entries. Then he read an entire section that appeared to be seperated from the rest.**

**"Shit."**

**Mello didn't mention what he'd read to Matt, who, knowinh him, had probably not read it himself but just taken it for Mello to see. He told Matt he was going for a walk and not to wait up for him.**

**He walked quickly, trying to name the emotion that rose within him. Finally, he found it. Guilt.**

**Mello had never felt guilty before, but he did then. The letters stood out in his mind and he groaned loudly. No wonder she'd been so freaked out…**

**The next day at school, Jade nervously avoided Mello's eyes in class when she sat down. If it had been the day before, Mello would have ignored this and gone to talk to her anyway. As it was, he felt too guilty to do so.**

**Damn guilt. Kept him up half the night. Matt had finally told him that if he wanted to fuck to just do it or if not go sleep on the couch because his restlessness wasn't letting him sleep.**

**Mello of course had punched him in the face but had tried to move around less. **

**Fuck. For the first time Mello wished he hadn't been such a shitty person all his life so that this wouldn't be bothering him now. The best thing to do, he decided, is push it aside.**

**He was going to need **_**a**__**lot**_** of chocolate. **

**Jade felt depressed. Her journal was such a personal thing to her. A place she could quietly take out her frustrations and hurts. It was more a part of her than her body was, it housed her soul.**

**She felt more depressed thinking of someone reading it, looking into all those private, personal parts of herself. Maybe even laughing. She couldn't bear it if someone laughed at it.**

**What bugged her more was that she had absolutely no idea who it was, so she couldn't simply go up to that person and grovel. A regular burglar wouldn't break into an apartment and steal an old journal and nothing else. Aside from Laila, she had no friends and Laila hadn't known where she lived before Jade had shown her. No one at school really even recognized her existence, and she was too insignificant to be picked on, most of the time. Sometimes, when other targets were unavialable, some girls turned their claws to her.**

**In reality, the only people she really talked to at school were the dealers, and she was positive that if they'd broken into her room they would have taken valuables, her money and her stash. Her journal would have been of no importance to them. **

**The class passed slowly. It wasn't just bad, it was uncomfortable since she and the blond from the other day were trying so hard to ignore each other. She would have laughed if she wasn't so unhappy; he was **_**actively**_** trying to ignore her, she felt it like a wave from where she sat. **

**He got called down to the office halfway through the class, nothing unusual there. She was relieved he left…now she could go back to being invisible in peace…**

**After class someone was by her locker. This surprised her, her locker was in a pretty secluded section. There weren't a whole lot of lockers there, and most of the people had classes close by so they were gone quickly. **

**Jade watched him carefully. He was really quite attractive, with thick red hair even looking good in the uniform, his body slender. What did he want? Was he waiting for someone? **

**"Hey," he said as she drew near. "I'm Matt."**

**Matt had no idea how to do this. He never asked girls out, they asked him out and he might grunt an affirmative if he was in the mood, but more often than that a brisk "sorry, busy" usually worked. **

**Being on the other side of dating wasn't particularily enjoyable.**

**"Hi," she said, shyly. "I'm Jade."**

**"I know who you are," he said, which caused her eyebrows to go up in surprise. "I want to ask you a question."**

**"Oh?" she said, probably expecting something homework-related. **

**"You wanna go on a date with me?" **

**The look on her face was probably priceless. She was so shocked she was surprised her jaw didn't fall to the floor like a cartoon character. Why was he, this gorgeous guy she'd seen in class before usually surrounded by pretty, giggling girls, asking **_**her**_** out?**

**"Um." Great conversation piece. If only her brain were working.**

**"Nothing fancy," he said casually. "Just y'know, someplace we could eat and shit." Shit, Matt thought. He'd meant to say 'stuff'. He hoped she wouldn't say no, his entire plan depended on her saying yes.**

**"Why?" she asked. **

**Matt went over the list he'd thought up earlier quickly. He had been expecting the question. "You're hot, you know. And you seem worth getting to know." He gave her a winning smile, the one that always made the girls volunteer to pay for dinner and whatever else he wanted.**

**She looked into his eyes carefully, searching for signs of deceit. He seemed honest, and certainly she couldn't remember him doing anything to her before. And damn, he was gorgeous. Almost as much as…**

**"Yeah!" she said quickly before she could think about him again. He looked a bit surprised but recovered quickly.**

**"Give me your number," he said. "Are you busy tomorrow?" he asked, knowing the answer.**

**"Tomorrow's…Saturday right? No, I'm not busy." God how pathetic. Who didn't have plans on a Saturday? She berated her answer. She should have said 'I'm not sure yet, but I could probably hang out' or something like that. Stupid! Her mind said. "My number's 289-701-1624."**

**"I'll call you," he said, and walked off.**

**She stood there, still stunned.**

**The day passed quickly, she was a bit too dazed to worry about class. Walking home, the first thing that occurred to her to do was call Laila and tell her what was going on, but she'd said she was busy and Jade didn't feel like bothering her. **

**Inside, she went to grab a snack, and as usual there was none. She made herself a sandwitch and carried it to her room. The cats were curled up, asleep. She'd opened the window for them that morning, and was relieved that they saw her room as 'home' and had returned to it. **

**Pantera opened his eyes as she walked in, and stretched. She smiled fondly at him and sat down, putting her plate on the desk. She grabbed her walkman from halfway down the bed and picked a CD: Cradle of Filth "Live Bait For The Dead", going to her favourite song on the CD "Her Ghost In The Fog". She listened for a long time, the music drowning out the pictures of the blond-haired boy from her mind. Or trying to.**

**How pathetic, she thought dully. I'm asked out my a gorgeous guy and I'm still thinking about some jerk that I barely even talked to on a rooftop. The rain is what did it, she thought. Her love for the rain was imprinting his soaking wet image into her mind.**

**She closed her eyes. Sleep came to her, the lyrics echoing hauntingly in her mind, his lips closed over her own and that deep, aching part of her was saited.**

**Mello couldn't figure Matt out. All day he'd been acting weird, like he was having his own private little joke at Mello's expense and it was pissing him the fuck off.**

**"Matt what the fuck is so funny?" he demanded.**

**"Mello, I'm not laughing," he said seriously. **

**Mello glared. "Not now, but you keep getting this expression on your face like you're laughing about something. What the fuck is so goddamn funny?"**

**Matt sighed. "I'm not allowed to be happy now? I beat the final level of Bomberman Fantasy Race on one try, after playing it for a day."**

**That made sense. Matt always got excited over his games. Still, Mello was suspicous of the redhead. There was something he was definitely hiding…**

**The next day Jade woke up early. Matt had called her earlier last night, she'd been surprised by the late time but pleased he'd called. She had already throughougly convinced herself that it was a joke.**

**Laila advised her on what to wear and she tried a few things on. The poem, as always, leered at her from the door.**

**"I'm not nameless," she whispered. "Someone does know my name."**

**She walked out. Matt said he'd meet her on the street, he said they could walk around for a bit, eat, see a movie or go someplace else. She bit her lip nervously. She hoped she looked ok.**

**Matt was kind of surprised when he saw her come out of the building. She looked fantastic. Her thick hair hung in soft waves around her beautiful face, her legs long in open-toed platform shoes and a tight red miniskirt. Her T-shirt, tiny and ripped with the words **_**Nobody Knows I'm A Transexual! **_**written acorss it showed off her thin waist and breasts. **

**He went to meet her, taking her hand easily. She blushed. He grinned. She was like a female Mello, so easy to read.**

**"My car is over here," he said.**

**She gasped in surprise. "Its gorgeous," she said, touching the red convertible lightly.**

**"Yeah, its ok," he said nonchalantly. She looked up at him, her huge eyes framed by dark lashes. It struck him as how pretty her face was, innocent, doe-like eyes and delicate cheekbones balenced by lucious lips. "You look good."**

**She blushed. "Thanks. You too."**

**God, he felt like he was in gr. 8 again, she was completely different than the other girls that had asked him and Mello out. She was so quiet. It was refreshing to get in the car and not have his ears assaulted by a parade of opinions about what lip gloss looked best on her, the other girls at school, her opinion on sluts (which Matt would later find ironic), and force him to listen to whatever happy pop group was popular at the moment. He wouldn't have minded so much if they'd actually liked the group, and not just bought the CD because it was cool.**

**She was so quiet. It was awkward. Matt wasn't a talkative person. Mello was. Mello's volumes were louder-than-the-average-person, louder, even louder, and scarily quiet. When he got like that Matt didn't even go near him. But Matt was quiet, he really only talked to Mello.**

**On dates, this usually worked because the girls never even fucking shut up. But she was quiet. And he was quiet. And the car was quiet…**

**Jade felt like she should say something, but had no idea of what it should be. She hadn't been on a date in a long time, years. The thought depressed her. She tried to shake it off. She was on one now, right? But it was so awkward. The guys that had asked her out, the ones Laila hung around, where always really talkative, even if she didn't answer back they went on and on about their cars, ex-girlfriends, fights with other guys, wild drinking parties…**

**Matt was just so quiet. And so was she. And it was getting more and more awkard as the quiet stretched between them like a living, breathing creature, eating their words and breath.**

**"So." She said. He didn't reply. "The weather looks great for driving, doesn't it?" The first thing I say when I get in the car is about the weather, she thought bleakly, no wonder I am so popular.**

**"Yeah," Matt said. He didn't want to leave it there and said: "You still want to walk when we get to the park?"**

**"Yeah…" she said. **

**By the time they got there the awkwardness was easing up a bit. Jade had casually mentioned a video game she had been playing earlier at home and that she was stuck, hoping to at least get some sort of reaction from him.**

**Surprisingly, he asked her a million questions about where she was in the game, what game it was, and told her how she could beat it, and gave her a bunch of spoilers. Then she'd asked him if he liked video games and he replied with a "hell yeah" and when she'd asked him about his favourites…**

**Well, it seemed everyone had something they loved to talk about.**

**On his side, Matt was pleased. He loved talking about his games, but Mello usually told him to shut up after the first few minutes. If that. Jade appeared to be both amused and interested, putting a few comments here and there when he mentioned a game or character she recognized.**

**They got out of the car. Jade was acutely aware of his slender frame in his striped shirt, relatively loose but showing off his shoulder's nice size. She blushed, wondering if she looked ok. She could feel him checking out her legs when she climbed out of the car.**

**"So," he said. "There's a burger place by here, if you want to go. Or we could get pizza."**

**She smiled politely. Food really wasn't her thing. Light sandwitches made up of lettuce and tomato were fine, but big, bulky meals…**

**"Or," he said, reading her expression, "we could walk around here and get fries or something."**

**She looked relieved. Fries were better, smaller, and didn't have that stuffed feeling pizza and burgers gave her that made her want to vomit. "That'd be great!"**

**He grinned at her. They walked for a while, talking easily. Now that the ice was broken, she was finding it much easier to relax. Even when they were silent, it was more comfortable in the outside, in the sun and open air. **

**"How did you hurt your hand?" she asked, noticing red marks.**

**He sighed. "A cat scratched it," he said. "It was a complete beast. Hissing and scatching like you wouldn't believe."**

**"I see," she said. He looked like he was enjoying his own private joke after that, a sly grin on his face. They found a stand and he got 2 hot dogs and a large fries and she ordered fries with cheese. She wanted to pay for herself but he said he'd do it. **

**"No, really," she said. "I can do it."**

**He looked surprised again. This was new. Usually it was 'Matt, why don't you ever buy me anything! Can you pay for this?'**

**"I got it," he said. **

**"Fine," she sighed. "But now I feel like I owe you." **

**He laughed and bit into his hot dog. "Don't, it's ok. Trust me." They went to a bench and he noticed how oddly she ate her fries, holding them delicately with her fingers, taking tiny tiny bites and whenever cheese lingered the fry she would meticuously spin it around until the cheese completely covered it. **

**She noticed him watching her. She gave him a curious look.**

**He looked like he couldn't find the right word. "You look cute," he said.**

**"When I eat?" she asked.**

**He shrugged. He was already done, he had a tendancy to eat things he really liked a bit like he was trying to imitate a boa constrictor. "Especially. Want some help finishing that?"**

**She giggled. "As long as you don't tip it and swallow it whole its fine." So, she had noticed his bizarre eating habits too. **

**"No problem," he said. "I'm just going to call my friend, be right back."**

**She took another bite. "Sure, no problem." **

**Mello was sitting at the apartment, eating chocolate and studying. There was a test on Monday and he was determined to beat Near at this one.**

**He noticed though that Matt wasn't there. He'd mysteriously mentioned he had a date but Mello hardly cared. The girls they went out with were usually sluts used for a quick fuck, or several…**

**What was strange was the fact that it was still early in the day and Matt was gone. He was usually glued to the PS2 at this time. So why was he gone? Fuck what a weird week, he thought. Matt at least took his girls out. Usually, Mello just waited for the call and said something along the lines of: "Be here in about an hour. You can bring a friend."**

**When he was musing over it, his cell rang. He picked it up, it was Matt.**

**"Mello, come down to the park by the apartment. It's a minute away you can walk." Matt sounded amused.**

**"Fuck you," Mello drawled back in response. "Why should I?"**

**"Well, I'm sure your little journal-writing girlfriend would like to see you."**

**"WHAT?!" Mello was so shocked he actually jumped from the couch. So that was what the little son of a bitch had been planning…**

**"Come on, Mello. You obviously like her, and she has this idea that you're this violent perverted freak. Which you are. But you can be a relatively nice guy too you know. I should know, I live with you."**

**"Matt," Mello said through gritted teeth. "When you get back here, I am going to—"**

**"Does that mean you aren't coming? That's too bad…I had so many entertaining stories about you to tell too…remember that time you got drunk and picked up a transsexual prostitute? Wasn't that funny?"**

**"Damn it Matt!" he glowered. Matt was really going to pay… "I'll be over at the statue."**

"**My friend's coming to meet us," he said. "That ok?"**

**"Yeah, fine," she said. She wasn't quite sure what to do now anyway. Kiss? Make-out? Have sex in the middle of the park? Someone like him was obviously used to girls with lots of experience…**

**They started walking. When they could see the statue he unexpectedly put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. She blushed. What the fuck? He hadn't been this friendly before.**

**"There he is," Matt said, pointing to a figure leaning against the stature, all in black leather, looking uncomfortable. She looked closer. No way, she thought. "Mello! Over here!" Matt called out.**

**Mello looked like he was sucking a lemon. He got closer and glowered at Matt, then at Jade. Jade was looking at him as though he were growing horns and a twisty moustache. "Y-You," she said.**

**Matt looked at both their faces, grinning. "You two know each other?" he asked, laughing wickedly.**

_**Its my heart**_

_**In your hands**_

_**Keep it or just let it fall**_

_**Another stone placed on my wall**_

_**Pieces they fall**_

_**They fall**_

**So there it is. Finished at 2:32 am. Its my little sisters birthday tomorrow, well today…I bought her a harry potter hedwig notebook and a chocolate frog (expensive for being so small) I hope she likes them!!**

**Please review and forgive any mistakes. Im very very tired but insomnia keeps me awake…**


	7. Chapter 7

**So im making cookies right now. I don't know why just in the mood. Im starting writing early today, its only 12**

**To my reviewers: THANK YOU!!! I am so touched. I'm so glad someone is actually looking at this!! **

**To laydeekira: thanks for noticing. I hate when I have to wait lik a week for a chapter or something so I try to write every day. Plus my insomnia keeps me up anyway.**

**Yeah I thought Matt would always be a sweet guy to go out with. Mello strikes me more as being into casual sex but Matt would feel about if he didn't at least take the girl out first. or at least I think so**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, the lyrics, etc. I own my own characters, that is all.**

**Chapter Six**

**Jade looked at the boy. Mellow, Matt had called him. What a strange name. In response to Matt's question she said: "Um, yeah, we…talked before."**

**Mello was glowering at Matt, who in turn was still grinning while Jade appeared to not notice that the person with his arm around her had no soul. "Yeah, briefly. I didn't know you and Matt knew each other."**

**"He asked me out yesterday…" God she felt like she was in a sitcom. And why was Matt laughing? What the fuck was so goddamn funny? She felt like moving her waist out of his touch but seemed frozen to the spot.**

**"When I mentioned you wanted to see a movie Mello insisted on coming along to meet you," Matt said, lying easily. "That's ok right?"**

**She shrugged. "That's fine," she said, hiding her discomfort effectively. "I'm…kind of flattered you talked to your friends about me." **

**Matt shot her a winning smile. Mello looked at him suspiciously. When did Matt ever act like that? So fucking cheerful and talkative? Never. Lying little bastard…**

**The ride to the movies in the car was twice as uncomfortable as it had been when she had gotten in with Matt. Mello (he'd corrected her spelling of his name with the air of someone highly insulted when she questioned him about it) and Matt had been giving each other very strange looks. Mello looked like he was thinking about the best way of killing Matt quietly and without too many people noticing, giving Jade some doubt in the "mello insisting to come" line Matt gave her, and Matt was looking suspiciously like someone who was enjoying a pretty good joke at their expense.**

**Shit, she thought, she might not have that much experience with dating, but even she knew when someone was acting suspicious. She checked the handle casually. Unlocked. If they tried anything she could throw it open…**

**From the way the two were looking she offered to sit in the back to let them talk, so that she could listen to some music she'd said. Matt of course had argued, saying what kind of a guy put his date in the backseat, and Mello had mumbled a "no, its ok you stay in front."**

**Jade had politely refused and sat back. Listening to The Sunday's **_**Wild Horses **_**she could barely hear them. She thought. Matt had really sounded sincere when he'd asked her out, they'd been having a genuinely good time (or at least she had, she thought he was too) and he had tried to get her to sit with him. So maybe she was being paranoid and he really didn't have an ulterior motive…**

**She glanced back up. They were talking very quietly though, and she never knew guys to do that…and what was up with the Mello thing? Was it really coincidence that he happened to know Matt?**

**No way, she thought. Matt couldn't be that devious…**

"**Matt, I'm going to fucking kill you," Mello hissed at him, concious of the girl in the backseat.**

**"Mello, I'm doing this to help you," he said. As usual, he drove recklessly, and casually gave a guy the finger as he sped past him cutting him off. **

**"Fuck you!" the man yelled back.**

**"Help me?" Mello hissed, his face getting whiter with rage. Mello, Matt had noticed, got paler when he was really angry. Usually this expression would have made him slink away but Mello wasn't going to do anything with Jade in the backseat.**

**"Its obvious you like her, I'm trying to let you guys get to know each other. Mello, its your problem that you treated all your girlfriends like whores and don't know how to go on an actual date…that isn't with me that is."**

**"What?" Mello spluttered. "I-I do know how to date! I've been on lots of dates!" realizing he said that a little too loud he looked back at the girl, who appeared to not notice and looked like she was studying the door.**

**"Mello, having a girl come over wearing nothing but a trenchcoat and thong and throwing her on to the bed does not qualify as an actual date," Matt said patiently. He was really enjoying himself. Mello was definitely going to make him suffer for this later, hopefully in bed. Just something else to look forward to.**

**"Its all in the little things," Matt continued, getting into a parking space. "Look at her, doesn't she look good?"**

**"Yeah, guess so," Mello said. He had noticed her tiny outfit and had been surprised by how nice her body was. He was expecting her to look…less hot. More emo-girl-next-door. "She looks good."**

**"Why don't you tell her that," Matt whispered, turning down the music. "Try to make it sound like you're not reading from a script."**

**Mello would have said something back if Matt hadn't already opened the door.**

**Jade was surprised when Matt opened the door for her. Her hand was caught in mid-air, having been intending to do so herself, so he took it and pulled her gracefully out, reminding Jade of a prince and princess. **

**She giggled. "You're a real gentleman," she said. Matt smiled at her. She felt like if she could take that smile and press it, like a flower, she'd keep it with her in her journal, to carry everywhere and look at when she was sad. It warmed her up, making her blush. **

**Mello got out gracefully. Matt casually threw his arm around her after closing the door, and led her in the direction of the movies. Mello looked at them like he was being force-fed some disgusting drink he didn't like.**

**It was sweet, but awkward. Mello was kind of scaring her, and Matt was being sweet but it was uncomfortable to be walking with someone glaring daggers into your back. She sighed.**

**"What movie did you want to see?" she asked Matt. He looked surprised again. He was starting to get used to being surprised by her. Mello was thanking whatever God there was that he was not going to be dragged into a sappy chick movie starring Lindsay Lohan or something.**

**"You can pick," he said easily. "It's fine with me."**

**She glanced at the posters. "Does Mello like any in particular?" she asked. Mello started to blush but turned quicky towards the posters.**

**"A big action movie with lots of exploding guts, guns, car chases, and strippers." There, he said it. The usual teenage girl's nightmare movie. Maybe if she refused he could get out of this ridiculous date and go back to plotting Matt's death.**

**Her eyes lit up. "I love those! Well, not the strippers but I like action movies. With lots of speacil effects!"**

**Damn. He looked at Matt, who was grinning again. "I like those too," he said. "So how about this one?" he pointed to a poster.**

**"That's fine with me," she said. **

**"I'll get tickets," Matt said. "You and Mello get in line for popcorn."**

**Popcorn? They just ate! She sighed, it amazed her how boys could have bottemless pits for stomachs and still stay so skinny. She had intended the fries to be her lunch, dinner and food for the rest of the day. **

**Will I look dumb if I don't eat now, she thought. Maybe I should say I don't like popcorn…but that sounds so whiny…**

**She frowned. While she stood there, some guy randomly walked by and whistled at her skirt. She blushed, and tried to lower it, wishing she'd worn jeans.**

**"Don't mess it up," Mello said unexpectedly. "It looks good on you."**

**She looked at him, surprised. He was just so gorgeous. Matt was hot in a laid-back way, Mello had an unusual…beauty…to him. Not model-like, but an unexpected, delicate sort of face with the features hardened into his usual expression. His face was beautiful, like a doll. She wondered what he'd say if she told him that. Probably swear at her.**

**His eyes were beautiful. A shade of blue she'd never seen before, and so intense and deep. She felt like she could lose herself in them, sink into them like an ocean, and fall down deeper and deeper…**

**She caught herself staring at him and blushed. His face was unreadable, he was looking at her too, but she couldn't tell what he was thinking. For a few minutes she didn't say anything, she just studied him.**

**Is this normal? She wondered. To like a guy like him so much? She felt guilty, and confused. She liked Matt a lot too, she'd never had a date as sweet as this was…before Mello showed up. But somehow she couldn't be annoyed with Mello. She felt dizzy with heat when around him. **

**"Um…are you going to get in line?" she asked him shyly. "Because I'm not really hungry so I don't want anything. But you and Matt probably do, well Matt does and I'm not sure if you ate or not but…" shit, she thought. I'm babbling. I sound like a complete idiot.**

**Mello looked sour. "He can stand in line himself," he said, snapping a bit more than he'd intended to. He mentally berated himself after seeing her expression. And it wasn't like he didn't want popcorn. "I mean, I don't have money."**

**"Oh!" she said eagerly. "I can pay then."**

**Mello couldn't believe this girl. She was the strangest he'd ever met. First he paid her the fucking compliment. And the next thing out of her mouth was that she wasn't hungry. What the fuck? Then she starts talking weird and offers to pay for food she wasn't intending to eat? She completely defied all the rules Mello had set about girls.**

**I don't like her, he told himself. Yeah right his brain said. Funny how it sounded like Matt, smirking. Oh he was definitely going to kill Matt, he was not going to be able to walk tomorrow. **

**And why is it, he thought, that whenever I open my mouth around her I keep scaring her? Not that he cared. But he did feel guilty about before, especially after reading the journal entries. And besides, she looked really hot in that outfit…**

**All right, he thought. Little things. What the fuck are the little things? It would help if Mello thought he could simply take her outside, pin her to the ground, and fuck her brains out but somehow he didn't think it appropiate.**

**She kept looking at him. "What?" he snapped.**

**"Are you going to get in line?" she asked again. "I don't mind lining up if you don't want to."**

**"I can get in a fucking line!" he yelled, annoyed. Shit. **

**She blinked. "Ok then…you can line up…"**

**Matt, on his part, was really enjoying himself. Watching them both was so entertaining. On their own, both were amusing to watch, because Mello was so explosive and Jade so random and adorable. But together it was priceless. **

**He fast-talked his way into seeing a movie without the I.D and looked over. Mello was jealous when some guy checked Jade out, and looked like he was trying to spit out a hairball said something to her. She looked surprised but pleased.**

**Then the two started staring at each other, from his angle he could both their faces from the side. Mello looked intense, like he was trying to memorize her features. She looked at his softly, eyes wide, like she was looking for something. It was fucking hilarious, and they didn't even realize it.**

**And Mello was snapping again. No surprise there. He'd been surprised Mello had gone that long without yelling. **

**The only problem, Matt decided, was that now he liked them both, Mello and the girl. It could be remedied, seeing as Mello liked both him and her, and she liked the two of them. He smiled. **

**Jade was relieved when Matt slid up beside them in line. Mello was acting sullen again, and glaring at anybody who happened to look their way. On her part, she was trying to give them an apologetic I'm-sorry-he's-crazy look. **

**"Got the tickets," Matt said. Jade turned to smile at him, her hair bouncing around her. Matt reached out and touched her hair, catching it between his fingers.**

**She noticed what nice hands he had. Long and slender, but still masculine. His fingernails were clean, and square cut. She looked up, watching him watch her lazily. His lips were parted very slightly and she had the sudden insane desire to reach out and kiss him.**

**He dropped her hair. She blushed more than ever and faced forward. Mello was glowering darkly again. **

**This is so strange, she thought. It feels like I'm out on a date with the two of them…**

**Matt looked annoyed. "This line is so long," he said. Jade giggled. Where had that come from? **

**She just felt so…relaxed? She didn't know why, but somehow she felt she could trust them. It was nice to feel safe, for once.**

**By the time they finally got the popcorn the previews were already starting. There weren't that many people, not even half-full. Jade wasn't surprised, the movie had been out for a while. Matt led them to the secluded seats in the back corner, they had the entire space to themselves.**

**She didn't know how, but somehow she ended up between the two of them. Mello looked surprised at the placement too, but not wholey unhappy about it. Matt just smiled at her. She was starting to really like those smiles, and the mischief underneath.**

**Its so hot in here, she thought, feeling her pulse beat against her skin. she felt like she was on fire, Mello's body so close to hers. She blushed, and knew she was. Damn! Good thing it was so dark. She tried to breathe normally, and Matt shifted in his seat beside her.**

**This was too much. Way too much, she hadn't been on a date in 3 years goddammit! I need to calm down, she thought. **

**Mello was more interested in Jade than the movie, but he tried to ignore it. This, he thought, shouldn't be a big deal. He'd been with hot girls before and it had been no big deal. Fuck, he thought. Whats the big fucking deal with her?**

**Ignore. He thought that purposefully in his head. Watch the movie. The movie sucks. Ok, think. I'm going to beat Near, I have to study for that damn test, at least I know I can beat him in German class…what the fuck? Why was Matt kissing Jade? In front of him?**

**Jade was trying to focus on the movie instead of the 2 hotties next to her. This is ridiculous, she thought. She closed her eyes. It reminded her of things she didn't want to, this stupid movie. If she'd known the plot line she might not have agreed to watch it. It made her sick to see some people watching someone get raped, even if it was fake, like in the movie, and get off.**

**She didn't want to see it.**

**She almost jumped out of her skin when she felt someone take her hand. She looked up at him, his eyes were concerned when he looked at her.**

**"Are you ok?" he asked quietly. "You looked…uncomfortable."**

**To say the least, she thought to herself. She kept it to herself. "I'm…I'm fine," she said. "I just…don't like these types of scenes. I just need to focus on something else is all."**

**He still looked concerned. "Do you want to talk about it?" she shook her head, **_**no**_**. "Well," Matt said. "I'll just give you something to focus on."**

**He used her hand to pull her slowly toward him, leaning closer until their faces were inches apart. Slowly, looking at her face to make sure she was all right with it, he touched her face gently, tilting his face up to meet his, and kissed her.**

**It was the best kiss she'd ever had. He was very soft, and gently, like he was dancing lightly over her lips like a butterfly. She kissed him back, lost in the softness, the lightness, of his touch. He moved one hand from her face, slowly to her hair and neck, lightly cupping the side of it and stroking tenderly with his thumb. His other hand moved up her leg, sliding smoothly to her waist and holding her there. His tongue expertly parted her lips to pass, slowly, languidly, exploring what was inside there.**

**She'd never been kissed this well before. Matt kissed like he was there all day to do just that, there was no hurry, no pressure to push ahead; she didn't need to keep concious of where his hands were to make sure they didn't go where they weren't supposed to. Which was fortunate because at this point she honestly wasn't thinking to well, completely lost in him.**

**She kissed back, moving her tongue slowly, sweetly over his and into his mouth, lightly stroking the inside and moving out to kiss his lips softly again, and teasing him gently, playing around.**

**He apparently liked this. He got more animated and started alternating between softer kisses, almost a peck even, and harder, more intense ones, sucking and pulling lightly on her lips with his teeth. **

**She became aware of the fact that she had a body. Her hands were kind of limp, exactly where they'd been when they'd started, so she made a concious movement to lightly touch his chest with one, running her hand up and down it gracefully (at least she hoped so) while the other satisfied her curiousity by exploring his thick, gorgeous red hair.**

**She didn't know how long they stayed like that, soft against each other. Before she knew it, Mello was nudging her, annoyed, saying that the movie was over and that he wanted to get out. **

**Matt looked at him, annoyed, but got up, pulling Jade lightly to her feet. Jade was glad, she was still a bit dazed. Her lips were tingling from his touch, her body felt oddly light and detached from her. She could feel a happy glow spreading around her like a warmth.**

**They moved out and Mello stretched. "The movie really sucked," he said. "Not that you guys noticed. The car chase where they blew that guys head off was pretty cool though."**

**Jade barely heard as he and Matt started talking. As though he wasn't even thinking about it, Matt's hand reached down to clasp hers loosely; not like he was trying to lead her but like he wanted to keep them connected. She felt herself blushing again, a smile tugging up her lips.**

**They got in the car, Matt insisting she sit in the front and that Mello would take her spot when Matt drove him back home. Mello didn't feel the need to point out that he and Matt lived in the same place. **

**In fact, he was really fucking pissed at him. What the hell was he doing? First he said he wanted them to get to know each other, then he spends the whole time kissing her? Mello would have kicked something, violently, but there was only the seats ahead of him. **

**What was Matt scheming? To make him jealous and force him to act? He wasn't jealous, he was…annoyed. That was it, he was really fucking annoyed. Because Matt had called him and ignored him. He was more annoyed because he couldn't figure out if he was jealous of Matt kissing Jade or Jade kissing Matt or both. Fine, two could play at Matt's game.**

**Who hadn't he called in a while? Debbie. She girl was like a leech, latching on to him desperately whenever he called her. If he told her to, she'd be over that night, and he'd tell her to bring a few friends along. The usual girls and maybe a new one. **

**He smiled. Fuck Matt, he would make the lying little bastard jealous too.**

**Jade was so happy she barely noticed the ride back. She looked out the window, noticing with surprise how dark it had gotten and watching the street lights. She shivered. In her clothes it was much colder now that it was night.**

**Matt stopped in front of the apartments. She got out, and he walked her to the doors. Standing there in the tiny light she felt her heart flutter again. Matt was watching her, and she noticed how long his lashes were from her angle. She also noticed how much taller than her he was.**

**"Do you want me to walk you to the apartment?" he asked.**

**She shook her head. "No thanks, this is good enough. Besides, I don't want to bother you and Mello."**

**He nodded, and bent down to kiss her lightly, just once on the lips and turned back to the car. The kiss lingered in the air after him, making her head dizzy and her cheeks redden. **

**She wasn't going to wait outside for them, so she waved once and walked in. When she got to the apartment, for once it didn't bother her that the 'rents hadn't even noticed how long she'd been gone or commented on her appearance. The two boys occupied her thoughts, and when she lay on the bed and closed her eyes, their kisses led her to sleep. **

_**We are aging**_

_**Soon to pass away**_

_**So cruel to never know, never know**_

_**Never finish what we started**_

**I'm sorry that chapter took longer than usual!! I can only hope it is up to standards. **

**Its so strange. For the past 3 nights I keep seeing these little spiders by the lights above the computer and getting freaked out. Today I asked my dad to get rid of them and he said there weren't any. I checked and now there aren't when I SAW at least 7 before.**

**I'm very worried for my sanity. I prolly just need a smoke really bad. Theres a person on the loose with a gun in my neighbourhood so lately at night I cant go out and smoke and that makes me sad…**

**A review or two will perk me right up. So please, review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**When she woke up this morning the first thing my mom asked me was if I was high. Figures when for once I'm actually not high she suspects me of it. Like I can write when im baked, its too hard…so is thinking..**

**Anyway, I was just really happy about being added to a story alert! It makes me so pleased I didn't sleep until 8 in the morning, and woke up lik in 2 hours. Oh well, smoking helps keep me awake**

**I hope everyone liked the last chapter, I was kind of worried about it because I was so exhausted when I wrote it I started hallucinating. That's probably not good.**

**Anyway, please enjoy this one, I think this is my longest chapter so far (is that bad???)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, how many times do I have to say it…I'd be so much easier if I could do it once and never again. Also I (still) do not own the lyrics. **

**Chapter Seven**

"**So how was the date?" Laila asked over the phone. In the background, Jade could hear what were probably her roommates, there was a loud clattering sound and Laila yelled "Seriously shut the fuck up I can't hear her!"**

**"Sorry about that," she said into the phone. "What happened again?"**

**"Well…it was really nice. I mean, Matt kisses better than anyone I've ever kissed before."**

**"Even me?" Laila teased, she heard her laugh over the phone.**

**"No one's better than you," she assured her. "I hope I was…good. I mean, he obviously has a lot more experience than I do…" the thought gripped her, what if he didn't call her again because she was such a bad kisser? Was that why he hadn't made out with her again under the lights?**

**"Damn, hold on Jade can I call you later?" Laila asked, sounding a bit annoyed, she yelled back at her roomates. "One of my roomies thinks she can cook and just set the kitchen on fire."**

**"Oh, ok," Jade said. "Bye."**

**She hung up the phone. It was dark out, she looked out the window. She loved the summer weather, the soft scents the warm winds brought to her. The cats were both asleep, curled up on their parts of the bed. Hekate liked the foot of her bed, like a dog, and Pantera liked to sleep on the pillow with her. When they both did that she always had to move because their fur made it too hot.**

**She glanced down at the phone, still in her hands. She wondered if Matt would call her again.**

**Mello yelled at him the entire way back to the apartment. Matt couldn't figure out what he was so mad about. He had given him the oppurtunity to talk to Jade, Mello was the one who had blown it. Still, he didn't like his best friend to be mad at him.**

**He lit a smoke. "Matt, don't smoke in the fucking car," Mello snapped. "It fucking stinks in here. Didn't I tell you to stop smoking in here anyway?"**

**Matt obidiently put it out. "I don't see why you're so angry."**

**Mello didn't answer, just glowered. After a minute he said "Stay out of my room tonight, I'm calling some girls."**

**Matt looked ahead, he could imagine the type of girls that would be coming over. In the mood Mello was in they were going to get a lot of frustration taken out on their little asses.**

**When they got inside, the first thing Mello did was go to the phone and call someone. From what he said, Matt figured out that Debbie was coming over with her slut friends. And they would probably keep him up all night, making sleep impossible. He went to his room and grabbed a gameboy. He hadn't played Pokémon in a while, he would try that. He quickly passed the introduction part and picked Bulbasaur. He never bothered to nickname them because with his many games it was just too hard to keep track of them. He glanced casually to the side, Mello had left Jade's journal on the desk.**

**He ignored it for a while, levelling up his Pokémon but evantually the screams and gasps from the next room started really bothering him. He saved after meeting Bill and turned off the game. He'd go out for a smoke, definitely. **

**He looked at the journal. Might as well glance through it since he hadn't before. It certainly looked interesting. If it had been just a normal journal with just writing he would have ignored it, but she had decorated it with poems, scribbles, random drawings, and photos. The leather was worn, old.**

**He went to the balcony. Sliding the door closed he lit a smoke, opening up the small journal. He flipped through casually, starting to look at a few. He looked at one poem, **_**Monster **_**that interested him. She'd written it and it spanned 5 pages. He read it, realizing what the white beast that didn't let her sleep was. That was surprising. He'd found out that she usually bought weed from a dealer in school, but hadn't known that she took harder drugs as well.**

**Some of the entries he found strange, they seemed to go nowhere and just rambled. They scattered, some almost a half-poem, like she'd picked forgotten words of the streets and blended them there together.**

**He was starting to feel really bad about having taken it. She'd mentioned it briefly to him in the car, that her journal had been stolen and she really missed it. He would probably just break into the apartment again and put it back. Although he wasn't thrilled about seeing that black devil cat again.**

**Jade woke up slowly. She loved waking up, while she was still drifting in that place between dreams and what was real, and the hazy memories slowly left her. It was still very early, and being Sunday she didn't have to work. She only worked about three days a week, every other week four. **

**She felt like staying home and reading, but the house felt lonelier than usual. The cats were out, probably chasing the morning birds. Her apartment wasn't high up, only the second floor so it was easy to get out, especially since they could easily jump to the tree or someone else's balcony from her window. Lydia and Richard had told her last night, almost as an afterthought, that they would be going to breakfast with some friends and wouldn't be back until later.**

**She decided to go into her stash, and then head for a walk while she was stoned. She could have a mornign smoke, grab a coffee somewhere, and go to Chapters or something. It wasn't that far, and reading where there were other people around seemed a better option than staying by herself.**

**She changed quickly, just putting on low-rise grey sweats and a pink tank. Her room was always freezing, she didn't know why. Her nipples stood out against her bra and shirt, protesting. She considered grabbing a sweatshirt but decided it would be warmer outside. She didn't bother with make-up, and simply brushed the tangles from her hair, wrapping an scrunchie on her wrist in case she decided to put it in a ponytail later.**

**She was about to grab her pipe when she remembered Laila's gift. She took out the bag, and not using it all, spread the powder into a relatively thick, long line. She took a piece of paper and shredded it, rolling it tightly. Unlike Laila, she'd never been able to just snort it up from the table.**

**She plugged one of her nostrils by pressing her finger lightly against the skin there, and she put the paper up her nose. Then she bent down and snorted it all up quickly, moving the paper across the line. Before she could change her mind, she quickly put out a thinner line and did it again.**

**Just as she remember, it **_**burned**_**. She coughed several times, sniffing. She carefully rolled the bag back up and put it away. She went to the bathroom and turned the faucet on to a thin sprinkle, the water running in a tiny line and glittering in the light. She bent down, letting it run up her nose, trying to soothe the pain.**

**She felt a grin coming over her face. She could hear everything sharper, see everything sharper. She looked at the details of her face as though she had never seen it before, and watched the mirror like some fantastic artifact, magnificant. She ran her hands over the smooth surface, loving it. Then she began to feel very thirsty so she went to get a bottle of water.**

**She decided to go for her walk then, and took her bag from her room, a large beat-up messenger, and left; happily remembering to lock the door behind her.**

**Outside, everything was even better. She stood there for a second, hearing a bird chirp evenly. It was really tripping her out. It sounded louder in her ears, and sharper and perfectly accurate. She could hear her heart beating loudly against her ears, and the sidewalk looked sharply defined.**

**She grinned, walking down the street. She was still thirsty, and decided to buy a coffee, then changed her mind. She would go somewhere else completely, maybe a walk to the park or something.**

**Whenever people talked about New York, they said things like "You can't look people in the eye", "you get mugged on any corner if you're not careful" and people had this perception that evil men with guns and machetes stood in every shadow, ready to rob, rape and kill them.**

**Jade had never seen it like that. She rarely thought about it but when she did she always thought the rumours were ridiculous. It was just a city, like any other, not the dark, dangerous place she heard about. It was common sense that brought people inside at night, not raging serial killers at every turn.**

**She didn't think very much at the moment. Her thoughts were wild, and kept jumping from one idea to the next. She forgot she was going to the park and then remembered after she went down a wrong street.**

**She giggled. No big deal, she thought.**

**Mello woke up in a good mood. He'd been up earlier, when the girls had gotten up and snapped at them for disturbing him. They'd left a bit reluctantly, and had begged him to call them again soon. Mello said he would and had slammed the door.**

**Now, he woke for the second time. He grinned. He knew Matt would be pissed about the night before, and it made him feel better about what had happened the day before. He got up and dressed. **

**He wore one of his few non-leather pants, just tight black jeans, and matched it with a black tee, black boots, and a black leather jacket. Leaving the room, he saw Matt already up, sitting on the couch playing his Xbox. **

**"Hey Matt," he said. Matt's hair was a bit messy, a sign he hadn't brushed it yet, as opposed to Mello who always brushed his hair almost immediately after getting up. He was wearing well-worn jeans and a baggy, faded blue T-shirt.**

**Sometimes people looked at them on the street and wondered how they could be best friends. Mello always looked like he was out of place on the street, his clothes too tight and getting too much attention. He looked like he belonged at a rock concert. Matt was always dressed casually, usually in clothes a little loose, completely laid-back and if he wasn't so hot he might have been ignored. That and the fact that a usually raging Mello generally accompanied him wherever he went.**

**"You kept me up half the night," Matt told him when he sat down. A cigarette dangled loosely from his lips, the smoke rising slowly in the room. **

**"Good," Mello said dismissively. He grinned though, and Matt saw it. Matt looked over at his smoke stash, the one in the living room. The carton was nearly empty and he swore. **

**"What?" Mello asked. **

**"Can you get me a pack of smokes?" Matt asked, not wanting to leave when he was winning.**

**"Fuck no." **

**Fine. So Mello was still pissed at him. Matt glowered and saved, turning it off. "I'll go myself then." Too himself he muttered "Might as well get a carton then."**

**Mello relaxed on the couch, channel surfing. Evantually he decided he was bored and he was going for a walk. He absently chewed on chocolate and took a few in his jacket before locking the door.**

**Jade had no idea where she was. She'd meant to go to the park, but somehow ended up somewhere else. She felt her high would be leaving her soon and regretted not bringing more coke with her. Her head felt dull, not throbbing in pain but still throbbing in a way that bothered her. **

**All right, she thought, where am I? She looked around. She could see a building beside the park a little ahead, but she must have taken a route she never had before. She lit a smoke, watching as it caught and burned slowly.**

**She inhaled, deciding what to do. She might as well still go.**

**She walked and after a few minutes was surprised by the sight of someone. It was definitely Mello, no one else had hair that perfect. She wondered idly what he would say if she told him that.**

**He was walking out of a building, a set of apartments all in a row. "Mello!" she called out.**

**He turned, as though he heard but wasn't sure if it was for him or not. She gave a little wave and walked up to him. "Hi," she said.**

**He looked at with surprise. "What are you doing here?"**

**She shrugged, "Just out for a walk, you?"**

**"I was going to get some breakfast," he said, truthfully. "There's nothing edible at my apartment." He studied her eyes, closely. They were shiny, and the pupils were bigger than they usually were. Now that he looked at her eyes however, he realized that they were the colour of molten gold. He'd never met anyone with gold eyes before, and he was sure they weren't contacts.**

**"Do you mind some company?" she asked shyly, biting on her lower lip lightly.**

**He was about to tell her that last night he'd had enough female company to make any man happy but decided against it. "I guess so," he said. **

**They stopped at the grocery store after Jade mentioned she liked cooking and if he wanted could make breakfast for them. Mello would have refused, but tried to remember the last time he'd eaten something that hadn't been fast-food greasy or out of the microwave and failed. So he'd said fine.**

**He didn't regret it. She was bouncing around, asking him what he wanted: eggs with ham or bacon? Did he want potatos, toast? He felt like reminding her that it was just going to be the two of them eating, and possibly Matt if he got back in time. But she looked so fucking happy he couldn't. **

**"I love to cook for other people," she said, placing the eggs in the cart. "But with my foster parents, I don't really get to cook at all. I'm kind of…excited. I know that sounds weird."**

**"No it doesn't," he said, glad that he was the one making her so happy. **_**And that he had her to himself without Matt**_

**She smiled up at him.**

**When they got back, she decided to not say anything about the state of his apartment. It was filthy, clothes, wrappers, empty food cartons, general stuff, and what looked like half of a ripped lacy thong hanging from a doorknob. Mello either didn't care or didn't seem to notice the mess.**

**"You don't have to take your shoes off," he said. She straightened back up. "The kitchen's over there," he pointed. **

**She went over **_**there**_**. At least the kitchen didn't look too bad, just messy. She started clearling off the stove. She'd insisted on carrying half the bags from the store, so Mello hadn't argued. It did, however, not seem completely right for him to just go listen to music in his room while she cooked though. It wasn't like they were married.**

**"Do you want help?" he asked.**

**"I'm good," she said. He shrugged and left the kitchen, for the first time kind of noticing that you couldn't take 2 steps in the apartment without stepping on something. Well, Jade was probably too high to notice. He hoped she wouldn't damage the kitchen.**

**A short while later, she was done. Like he'd asked, she'd made him 4 sunnyside up eggs with thick bacon strips, something that he had no idea what they were but were thin and looked vaguely like large chips that she was munching on from a seprate plate, and she'd even made muffins and brought toast.**

**"Thanks," he said, feeling himself incapable of doing anything else. She sat down with only a piece of toast with an egg on top and took a bite. Mello dug into his own food, and suddenly realized he hadn't eaten anything as good for a long time.**

**He finished faster than she did, despite the fact that the toast and a muffin was all she ate, and she went back in the kitchen to wash dishes. He told her not to bother but she said she didn't mind.**

**After, they sat down on the couch. Mello was getting some chocolate and noticed something in the cabinet. "Hey," he said. "How do you feel about liquor?"**

**She looked up from where she'd been channel surfing. "I'm good with it, I haven't really had much to drink in a while though…I'm not to good with the hard stuff. The last time I drank half a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream I woke up regretting it."**

**Mello shrugged. "That's not **_**real **_**liquor," he said. "This stuff," he held up a bottle of Bacardi White, "is your friend."**

**She looked at him. It probably wasn't the best idea to mix coke with alchohol but she wasn't high anymore…so she decided to take her chances. "If you're inviting me to have some…sure."**

**He grinned, and she was surprised—and thrilled—to be an honest grin from him directed at her. She tried not to blush and hastily lit a smoke.**

**He grabbed 2 glasses. Usually he drank straight out of the bottle, but he felt that wouldn't be right with her. He poured them both a good amount, filling up more than half the glass. "Here," he said, handing her one.**

**She noticed that he took a fortifying sip of his own—not so much of a sip, more of a chug—and she timidly tried to follow. She coughed. She had forgotten the much-loved sensation of fire running down her throat. Mello looked amused at her expression.**

**"Small enough sip?" he asked her. She gave him a withering look and picked up the glass again, giving him a tiny cheers and bringing it to her lips, swallowing it down with her eyes stinging.**

**"Happy?" she coughed. He smiled at her and drained his glass, pouring a bit more. She seemed to take heart and after bracing herself drained most of the glass. She coughed more. "You can handle this shit a lot better than I can."**

**"True," he said. "Do you want to go straight from the bottle?" he asked. In a more teasing voice he said "So I can't laugh at how much you're taking?"**

**She laughed, looking at him and said she wouldn't mind. He grinned again and took a large swing, enjoying the way the fiery liquid burned down to his gut. She looked at him and said: "I wasn't kidding when I said I don't drink a lot. I'm going to be drunk soon if I keep at this."**

**"Fine by me," Mello said. **

**She shrugged and took a long swallow. She choked less on this one, and Mello realized that it was almost gone. There had been less than half when they'd started. He took a pull and casually tossed the bottle on the floor. "Be right back," he said.**

**He got back in about a minute, carrying an almost-full bottle of Cutty Sark. "You like whiskey?"**

"**Sure," she said, not bothering to say she'd only tried it once. Mello sat down beside her, a lot closer than he had before, their knees bumped lightly but she didn't mind.**

**He started them off, taking a long swallow before handing it to her. Her head was already beginning to feel odd, and her teeth beginning to go numb. She was looking at him as she drank, and he was noticing that she was taking more now. He took the bottle again and drank.**

**She was caught thinking how gorgeous he was. Really, she'd never seen such a beautiful human being. His hair was lovely and straught, a perfect shade of blond. He had the most amazing green eyes she'd ever seen, his features and body too perfect to even be compared as model-like. Her head was swirling and she could hear each thought passing in her head like a car spinning in circles.**

**She took an enourmous swing, neither choking nor coughing; her eyes didn't water. However, Mello noticed that when she talked her enunciation was not particularily great.**

"**Mello, you such a gorgeoush face," she slurred. He noted that she didn't pass him the bottle but took more. He glanced at it. Bit less than half left. He plucked the bottle from her hand and finished it in one turn. His eyes watered a little, but he placed the bottle down and leaned back against the couch, bringing his leg up comfortably. One arm he rested on his knee, the other went around her shoulders.**

**She trustingly laid her head on his shoulders. Her mind kept telling her how drunk she was and she turned to look at Mello again. He looked at her too. He knew he wasn't as plastered as she was, but he was still pretty damn drunk. He'd drunk most of the first bottle on his own, after all.**

**He fingered her hair lightly with his hand. She was fucking beautiful. her hair was reddish brown, with thinner black streaks and wonderfully wavey. Her eyes were wide, framed by long dark lashes, and her lips were perfetly shaped, full without being pouty. Her body was slender, a thin waist with her breasts falling out of her cami like a tasty, tempting dessert.**

"**You look really hot," he said, slurring his words a bit. She giggled.**

"**Can I see your room?" she asked, sweetly. A smile was stuck on her lips, she was plastered and she knew it. **

"**Sure," he said, and stood up. He got a bit of a headrush but had to help her, since she stood up and prompty fell back on the couch. She laughed. **

**Staggering a bit, her head spinning, he led her to his room. His bed was amazing, a large four-poster bed with black sheets and a large black headboard. The room was a bit cluttered, but it was much neater than the rest of the apartment.**

**She **_**really**_** wanted to lie down. She fell on to the bed, her cami rising, revealing a couple inches of her tantilizing, flat tattooed stomach. Out of habit, she reached over and took off her sneakers. **

**Mello flopped down next to her. From where they were, they were just a few inches apart and looking at each other, Mello reaching across and playing with the straps of her shirt. Without thinking, acting out of desire, he moved across the bed, slowly, making sure he had her consent.**

**He pulled her toward him, underneath him and grasped her hair with his hand, bringing her face to kiss him. Her lips met his with hot, breathless passion. He kissed her deeply, fighting for dominace, knawing lightly on her lower lip to not hurt her. That badly.**

**She grabbed his hair, in turn and deepened their kiss, her hand feeling over the muscles in his back through the material of the shirt. He kicked her along her neck, making the skin there tingle like it was on fire, and bit lightly; moving up and she felt his touch in every nerve in her body. She wrapped her legs around his waist, crushing the two of them together, gyrating her hips against him and pleased when she felt his desire pressing between her legs.**

**He grew impatient with their clothes. He put her hands on his shirt and she understood, he sat up and she pulled it off over his head. Then she hastily did the same with her top, and his eyes fell to her breasts swelling against the lacy pink bra, eager for his touch. She, in turn, looked at his extremely defined abs, and the thin line of blond hair that ran down into his pants. **

**Impatient, she pulled at his pants, undoing the belt and he helped her slide them off. She would have laughed at the fact that his pants were tighter than most of hers, but he was crushing his lips harshly against her own. His body on top of her, he easily took off her sweat pants and socks, as well as his own. From his boxers, she felt his need pressing hard against her and he slowly, torturingly, reached up and removed her bra, and she took his hands and pressed them to her aching breasts.**

**He expertly stoked them, squeezing harder randomly to make her cry out. He lowered his lips to them, and his hands reached down to pull off her panties. At the same time, she ran her hands over his boxers, and started pulling them off. He repositioned himself.**

"**Don't move," he whispered in her ear, his warm breath tingling her and his voice heavy. With that, he brought his mouth to one of her nipples, resting on it, lightly, licking and flicking, then slowly moving down her body, pausing at her belly button to tug at the piercing with his teeth, and following the dragon all the way down. He tested the skin there, lightly kissing it and furthering anguishing her by leaving and dragging his tongue back up to her other nipple, slowly circling it before allowing his lips to closer over it.**

**She moaned, deep and throaty, and he felt it reverberate through his entire body. Enouraged, he brought his face back in between her breasts, kissing her there and up her neck and chin; and took her hands and placed them on his penis.**

**She grasped it lightly, and as she began to pull and stroke, hard and rough; he let out a groan of his own and buried his face in her neck; she was relieved that she was lying down because from the feeling in her tingling spine, she was sure she wouldn't have been able to hold herself up. His hot breath and lips kissed her deeply and hard, as his pleasure increased he bit and sucked harder. **

**They moved again, and this time she was on top and he was lowering her head down, and she teased him. Ignoring his hard on she licked the skin on the inside of his muscular thighs, a light V-pattern up and down his upper inner thigh, and then slid her tongue over to the other side, doing the same thing, and unexpectedly catching the skin there between her teeth, hard.**

**He groaned again, and she felt it pleasurably in her own body. Finally, with help from his hands dragging her hair and head to his member she closed her lips over it and let them continue the job her hands had started, her hands lightly fondling his balls, pumping them very gently and sending jolts of pleasure down his spine.**

**They moved again and Mello was on top again, his fingers expertly finding the wet, needing place between her thighs and pressing there, hard and unrelenting. She couldn't stifle a moan that came from deep inside her throat, and finally he replaced the fingers with something much longer and thicker.**

**She wrapped her legs around his waist, running her hands over his ass and pushing it deeper into her, sending him more deep with every thrust, and she couldn't control the cries that tore from inside her. She gasped and cried out, and pressed him more deeply into her, and he complied, skillfully embedding himself in her so deeply she could have sworn she felt all the way to her spine, his lips urgent and hard against hers.**

**Her hips moved with his, pushing him in deeper and deeper, and she felt pressure building up inside herself; his kisses got harder and more violent, drawing blood once again from her lips and she, in turn bit back. His blood fell on her own, his tongue licking it up.**

**She called Mello's name in a ragged voice she didn't recognize, digging her painted black fingernails into his skin; feeling it grow inside her, building up until she was so desperate she could barely stand it…**

**And it consumed her entirely, making her feel like her hot, flaming skin was suddenly dowsed in cold, gloriously refreshing water and she cried out again, louder this time, breathing hard.**

**Mello came out during her own climax, finally collapsing on top of her, breathing hard as well. She felt his heart beat against her breast, he moved—well, rolled—to the side, beside her. She was sweating, hot, and placed her head against his own slick, chisled chest. Then she closed her eyes and fell in an exhausted slumber.**

_**Oh pretty creature**_

_**From what door did you arrive?**_

_**Oh what madness will you drive me too?**_

**So it's the first Mello/Jade sex chapter. I went all out for this one, I was trying to figure out how to get Jade into Mello's room alone and the breakfast was my best idea…I suck.**

**Anyway I'd love to have reviews for this one!! Once again I finish late, or early, whatever, at 3:30 in the morning. My friend is coming over in a bit I think ill stay up and watch Charmed eating chocolate chips till she gets here. Shes bringing me cookies so im so happy cause her cookies rock**

**I didn't see the spiders again tonight, but I usually do. Do they just come out when im really really tired???**


	9. Chapter 9

**To my wonderful reviewers THANK YOU!! I'm so glad you liked the last chapter, even though im kind of mortified because in one part is says he was 'kicking her neck' instead of 'kissing her neck' and im like damn I missed that editing and it completely changes the feel of the moment…lol**

**To laydeekira: I'm so sorry about the wait!!!! That week was crazy for me because my little sisters birthday and my moms birthday are one after the other (24****th**** and 25****th****) and like my friend was sleeping over before…I felt so bad. I promise I will never take that long again!!! Thanks again for the compliment and for sticking with the story anyway!!**

**To White Alchemist Taya: lol thanks!! I'm definitely writing a threesome in the next couple of chapters…the question is who it will include?? Lol**

**I feel so ashamed for starting this at like 6:30 in the morning but yay im going to Tim Hortons for breakfast later so who needs to sleep?? Im extra-tired today though cuz I was so stoned for like sooo long today it was fun. I watched The Breakfast Club and started laughing my head off. Kaylee looked at me like I was a mental patient. It was very disheartening. **

**Writing about sex makes me want to have sex again?? Jesus its been like over 2 months how very very sad for me…don't you wish guys like Mello and Matt just popped up in real life??**

**Sorry about the rambling. Enjoy the chapter**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, or the lyrics. I only own my characters. **

**Chapter Eight **

**Mello's third wake-up of the day had been nowhere as pleasant as the first two. He winced as he opened his eyes, even the darkly illuminated room, and closed them hurridly. His mouth was dry, and his head was pounding. What the fuck had happened?**

**His mind slowly went over the past few hours: he got up…met up with Jade…oh yeah, he remembered, I saw Jade and we got breakfast…wait, no breakfast was here. And then the…suddenly Mello remembered the empty bottles of rum and whiskey lying by the couch and the fact that not only was he completely naked but an equally naked girl (from the feel of it) was lying against him, still asleep.**

**"Shit," he muttered outloud. "I fucked Jade…"**

**"I noticed," came Matt's dry voice. Mello barely had time to open his eyes groggily and see Matt's figure standing at the doorway of his room before the redhead grinned sadistically and flicked on the lights.**

**Matt had stayed out a lot longer than expected. Firstly, the guy he always bought his cartons off of wasn't home, so Matt waited around for a bit, chain-smoking with boredom, and realized he was out of cigarettes.**

**So he decided to use his money to go to the store to buy a pack for himself instead. The woman behind the counter was not only pushing 50, leaving Matt no oppurtunity of flirting himself a free one, but also seemed to find him adorable. For 20 minutes while Matt tried to tell her what he wanted he was forced to listen to what a nice hair colour he had, and didn't he notice how many redheaded guys there weren't, like they went out of style or something? And wasn't he the sweetest thing, coming in there dressed like that? **

**Finally, when she paused to glance up at the clock Matt took the oppurtunity to ask for his pack and she asked for I.D. He realized his fake was in his other jeans and tried to charm his way out of it, but the 'sorry honey, maybe you can get your mom to come,' started him on a swearing spree…something that greatly reduced his adorability in her eyes.**

**He walked back to Jake's house, and waited again. Finally he opened the door but said Matt had to wait for his father-in-law to bring them. Matt was getting massive cravings by this point and beginning to hate the world when happily almost 40 minutes LATER his father-in-law finally showed up and he refrained from throwing himself on the man and kissing him. **

**Before he walked back, he stopped on a bench to fully appreciate and cherish the smoke, at least until a homeless man came up to him, after all it wasn't exactly the best neighbourhood. Feeling sorry for him Matt handed him some change.**

**This proved to be a bad idea, as it set a flurry of homeless crackheads after him and his change, so he was forced to hide in a phone booth and pretend his change had run out and he couldn't make a call; pointing to the original homeless man (who looked pleased with his luck) and saying that he had all the money, follow **_**him**_

**Needless to say, arriving back at the apartment, Matt had not been in the best mood.**

**When he opened the door his nose was greeted with the scent of alchohol, eggs, bacon, and muffins, the first of which usually had nothing to do with the others. He looked in the kitchen and saw actual food there and helped himself to some, wondering if Mello had gone back to sleep. **

**From there he went into the living room and noticed the empty bottles lying by the couch that had not, previously, been lying by the couch. Suspicious, he decided that it was entirely too quiet for Mello to be in the apartment, but someone had to be there to have prepared the breakfast (something Mello was incapable of, his last attempt at macaroni and cheese had left a strange substance unrecognizable as food that didn't move, even with the pan flipped upside down, and had resulted in several small fires) and the kitchen didn't appear to be burning.**

**Curiously, he had looked innocently into the bedroom, half-expecting to find a passed-out Mello lying on the bed listening to music on his MP3 or something.**

**He was certainly not expecting what he actually saw.**

**When the lights flashed on Jade was painfully removed from her peaceful, dark dreamworld into a blinding reality. She cried out, and heard the rasp in her throat as well as the pain throbbing entirely through her head, and ran her tongue over swollen lips. She was also unusually sore down by her…**

**Oh fuck, she thought, I had sex with Mello. Amazing sex. No, she thought, can't let myself think that! It was wrong. I am a whore. I kissed Matt one day and not even 24 hours later I fuck his best friend…**

**She was still mentally berating herself when she heard voices. Mello's, unsurprisingly, and holy shit…Matt's.**

**She opened her eyes to fast for her hangover, and saw the complete embarressing situation. She, completely naked, lying on Mello's bed her cheeks turning the colour of Matt's hair; Mello, also completely naked, sitting up beside her and arguing with Matt; and Matt, looking to be quite honest, a bit homicidal, and seemed to be restraining himself from strangling the blond.**

**"Mello, what the fuck?!" he yelled.**

**Mello's eyes twitched with the sound, and he snapped back: "I was drunk. She was drunk, and—oh, she's up."**

**Matt's attention turned to Jade, who was reddening by the minute and really wishing she had clothes. She hastily grabbed the bedsheets and pulled them up to try to cover herself a bit.**

**Ouch. Sitting up hurt. Moving hurt. And the yelling hurt. "Please don't yell," she whimpered. "My head hurts."**

**Mello, unlike her, seemed to have no problem whatsoever with being completely naked, he didn't try to cover herself and she realized that she needed to look at something that wasn't his gorgeous naked body, Matt's eyes (that were making her feel guiltier by the second), or anything in the light…which pretty included all the above and everything else in the room.**

**Matt looked over at her, and glared at Mello. "Get out, she has to get dressed," he said. It hurt that he only looked at her for a second, and so coldly. He was really mad, she realized.**

**Mello took his clothes and left the room, closing the door. He looks way too good for someone that just woke up with a hangover, she thought. Jade stood up, her head spinning, and tried to find her clothes.**

**Ah, her bra was over here, and Mello had conveintly flung her panties to the opposite side of her room. At first, all she heard from the other side of the door was silence. This, for some reason, made her more nervous.**

**She finished getting dressed and glanced in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, she did her best to untangle it before she heard voices—distinctly male voices—outside her—well, Mello's—door, yelling at each other. She opened the door.**

**"Don't even try!" Matt snapped. "Mello, I had no idea you would go this far. Is this some stupid payback thing for you? You got her fucking drunk Mello!" Matt only repeated his friend's name a lot when he was really angry.**

**"I didn't force it down her throat!" he snapped. "And it wasn't planned, it just happened. For shit's sake it's not like I fucking held her down or anything."**

**"You didn't have to asshole, you just got her trashed!"**

**That pissed Mello off even more. He added, a little smirk to his voice: "Hey, your little girlfriend isn't exactly blameless here either. She wasn't some little innocent that hadn't tried it before. Besides, once we got started its not like she tried to push me off. She knew what way was up."**

**Matt decked him. Mello, not expecting it, fell back against the couch. He got up instantly, blood falling from his nose, and grabbed Matt's shirt collar, throwing him on the ground and punching him back.**

**Matt tried to wrestle him off, and the 2 fought with each other, struggling, their attacks getting more vicious and Jade barely saw it. Mello's words repeated in her mind: **_**she knew what way was up. **_

**She'd known before, of course. She might not have known his name before, but listening for it later she remembered the rumours she'd heard about him, he screwed anything with legs. Usually, when people don't notice you're there, they talk quite freely about their problems, and Jade had heard many girls talk to their friends about him, and what he was like.**

**She shouldn't have expected it to mean anything to him. She was now another casual Mello fuck bunny, just a claim he could have casually. That hurt. He was the first guy she'd ever done it with…at least with her in full consent. Even if she was drunk. But she knew that, drunk or not, she wouldn't have had sex with him if she hadn't liked him to begin with.**

**Tears slid down her cheeks. She was such a fucking idiot. **

**Matt just dimply felt someone trying to pry him and Mello apart and somewhere in the back of his mind he heard Jade screaming for them to get off each other. He shoved back the hands that tried to stop him from walloping his best friend in the face. Both he and Mello were bleeding, Matt's mouth bled as his lips had been split, staining his teeth. Blood spurted from Mello's nose, and he was annoyed to have it falling on his clothes.**

**Finally, somehow she pried them apart for a second and threw herself in front of Matt, holding his arm. He noticed, through his red haze, that she was crying. He suddenly remembered his mom, the way the tears gathering like that in her eyes when her pimp was really hurting her.**

**He stopped fighting. Part of him wanted to yell at Jade too. He wanted to grab her by the thin shoulders and throw her into the wall. But he didn't, because unlike Mello he didn't hit girls. He was partly confused by his anger, and why he was being so effective. It wasn't like he and Mello hadn't spited each other by fucking the other's date before.**

**But Jade was different. He couldn't place her in the same category as the others.**

**"I'm so sorry," she said. "This is all my fault. It's not Mello's fault that I got drunk so fast, I know I can't handle liquor that well; and like he said it wasn't like I pushed him away…" Matt stiffened. "But I'm so sorry!" she was crying harder now, despite her tries not to, "I really, **_**really**_** like and now I'm pretty sure I fucked up everything…"**

**Matt didn't say anything. Mello looked pissed, but looked away. So, that was it? They have sex and she fucking take's **_**Matt's**_** side? You lost, the little voice in his head said. He didn't feel like telling it that it had never been about winning or losing for him, not between him and Matt. **

**She looked down. "I'll see you around," she said quietly. When she turned, she looked at Mello. There was no accusation or anger in her eyes, she looked at him with the same longing as before. Only now, she looked resigned too. He evenly held her gaze until she looked away first.**

**She walked out of the apartment, and a minute later Matt followed her out. Mello remained behind, thinking.**

**He'd hit Matt. Normally, that was no big deal because really, he hit Matt all the time. But it was mostly just for little annoyances, he'd punch him in the gut or something and walk off. And Matt wasn't above giving him a good kick in the ass either when he was really pissed. But he and Matt had never fought like they just had, both angry and really trying to hurt each other.**

**That bothered him more than anything else. And a fucking girl is what made us do it, he thought. How fucking pathetic. **

"**Jade, wait."**

**She stopped. Her heart thumped loudly against her chest, and she barely dared to breathe. Matt walked up behind her and turned her to face him. She couldn't look him in the eyes and instead studied the floor.**

**"What did you mean back there? When you said you really liked me?" he asked. He kept his voice neutral. Flat. It echoed coldly against her and she wished he had yelled at her instead.**

**"I meant it," she whispered. "You're the best guy I've ever met. I want to be with you, I feel safe with you…I don't want to leave and know that you'll never talk to me again."**

**"What about Mello?" he asked.**

**She thought about it. If there was such thing as love at first sight, this covered it. "I…I like him too. I know that sounds bad, and it is. It's not fair and I shouldn't have had sex with him…but…I promise I won't do that again Matt. If you still, by some chance, want me here…I want to be with you."**

**Her love for Mello was one thing; all-consuming and fiery. But she was falling more in love with Matt the more she knew him, and it was for completely different reasons. She couldn't choose. She knew she couldn't and that knowledge weighed heavily on her chest.**

**"I still want you here," he said, tilting her face up so she could see the sincerity in his eyes. Behind the goggles.**

**"Really?" she asked, smiling wetly.**

**"Yeah," he said. "And it's ok if you're in love with Mello," he continued. "I understand. Completely. He has that effect on people." Like me, his mind said.**

**"You do?" she asked. This was unexpected. "How?"**

**"Well," he said matter-of-factly, as though commenting on the weather. "I'm in love with him too."**

_**Walk for hours**_

_**In black desire**_

_**Soft and deep and **_

_**Counting shades of quiet**_

_**Living in your fire, living as fire. **_

**There it is, I'm sorry it looks so short to me. It was so hard to write because I didn't have my usual time to write it since I've only been able to write as my friend is sleeping. Its such an addiction…**

**Anyway, I hope you all like it, I thought it works really good for what I want but tell me what you think**

**Ugh. Coke feeling gone my brain is dying on me. I need to sleep soon or im going to collapse. And miss breakfast. **


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm so happy with everyone that's looked at my story!! It makes me so happy whenever I see a review or story alert cause I feel like people actually like what I write**

**Thank you thank you!!! They give me the strength to fight exhaustion and keep writing.**

**To SUPAxLinner: thanks I've never been on a favourite story before!!**

**To sasuke1342: thank you, I take my story being 'strange' as a compliment lol I hope it was. Im glad you can't stop reading it!!**

**ALSO I APLOGIZE for the wait. Im terrible, but in there is a reason. I was up, obbsessively late, reading the final Harry Potter. It was so AMAZING!!! I loved it so much. But now that I've finished I can update with my mind at peace.**

**Disclaimer: I still do not own Death Note, but hope springs eternal. Also, the lyrics are not mine either. **

**Chapter Nine**

"**What?"**

**When Jade had revealed her feelings for him and Mello, his own confession of love for Mello was the last thing she expected to hear.**

"**Well, I've known him a long time, and we don't live together to just save money either…" Matt started an explaination that Jade was mentally blocking out. She was shocked, in fact to say that would be a bit of an understatement. Although, now that she looked at it, it did explain a few things.**

"**So you like Mello and you like me?" she asked him.**

"**Yeah." Matt blew out heavily, lighting another smoke. "That's why I was so pissed, you know, you and Mello together. I guess because I wanted the 2 of you."**

"**I see…"**

"**He really does like you, you know," he added offhandedly. "It's just he's never really known how to treat a girl he likes, he usually just…" he wasn't going to finish but she looked at him. "…fucks them."**

"**Like me," she whispered. She lightly touched her sore lips while she thought. "So what happens to us now?" She noticed she kept fingering the torn parts and put down her hand. Matt looked at her poor, abused lips.**

**He took one of his own fingers to lightly touch her lips, lightly feeling the swollen parts and she was self-concious about how it looked. Matt was making her feel so soft again, like she was frozen in time and couldn't move from the part she was it, and didn't want to as long as he didn't either.**

**He lowered his head to lightly kiss her lips. It was a soft, lingering kiss, and he very delicately, lips almost touching, ran his tongue over her lips. She decided to go for it, and touched his tongue with her own, her lips closing the space between them. **

**He slid his hands up to her hips, lightly keeping them there. She hooked hers around the back of his neck, and the 2 made out there right in front of the door that opened to the stairs. It was the gentlest, sweetest kisses she'd ever had. His cigarette lay discarded on the floor, where it went out.**

**Mello's heart hardened as he looked at the scene outside the apartment. Fine, fuck Matt and fuck her too. In fact, he hoped they'd fuck each other so that he could always rub it in Matt's face that he got her first.**

**I'm acting like a child, he realized. This realization didn't help, only made him more annoyed. He was getting way too attached, Matt was one thing she was another. **

**He forced his brain to slow down. She was nothing, just some stupid little whore that he'd been attracted to. He fucked her, it was great, he could forget her now. He fully intended to. **

**Jade had wanted to talk to Laila about what happened but when she called she got a room mate who said that Laila wouldn't be home for a few days. Jade thanked her and hung up and then had gone to sleep.**

**She woke up relatively early for her. Getting up she noticed her journal on her dresser beside the tiny black TV. Surprised, she made sure it was hers. It was. Completely unharmed, nothing seemed to have been taken or added to it. Strange.**

**She went into the living room, Lydia was checking the morning news, already dressed, her straight blond hair pulled back. Jade tenatively called "Lydia?"**

**She looked surprised that she was talking to her. "Did you need something?" she asked absently.**

**"Um…yeah. I'm not feeling too good, is it ok if I stay here today? I have to work later and I don't want to be sick for that." She held her breath.**

**"That's fine," Lydia said. "I'll call the school." **

**Jade smiled and went back to her room, deciding to stay in bed until she left. Matt had asked her earlier if she wanted to skip the hole day. She'd said yes and he said he'd be waiting for her in the lobby.**

**She curled back into her cloud p.js and black tank she slept in. She'd forgotten about skipping when she'd woken up and had already put on her uniform. **

**When she heard her leave she got up and dressed. She wore all black: black tight tee with the letters 666 bedazzled across the front (a gift from Laila), a short black skirt and black fishnets, and topped it off with big black boots. She put on some make-up, and made sure to wear a lot of black eyeliner, her favorite thing, and after debating with herself rubbed some mousse into her hair. When she felt more confident, prettier, around Matt, she might be more comfortable into slipping back into her baggier clothes.**

**For the time being she walked down to the lobby in her current clothes, and the unaccustumed tightness was worth it when Matt's eyes lit up when he saw her. He wore oversize ripped jeans and a baggy tee that had faded in the wash. As usual though, he still looked hot in a sort of scruffy way.**

**"Hi," she said a little nervously.**

**He kissed her lightly for greeting, and asked "so where do you feel like going?"**

**She thought about something he would like. "I haven't been to the arcade in a long time. You'll have to help me at the games if you want to go."**

**"I am a master of the games," he promised her. "Don't worry, I'll help you out." His grin—childish and wide—told her she'd made the right choice by picking a place he'd be comfortable with.**

**They got in his car and she opened the window. She enjoyed the breeze on her face, and smiled. It was so strange for her to have a boyfriend, or just for any guy like this to be paying attention to her. She felt really lucky, but paranoid, as though expecting for it all to disappear when she closed her eyes. She resloved to push those thoughts to the back of her mind. Whether or not this ended, she would remember it had happened.**

**Matt took out a smoke from his jeans, the box lying open. He offered her one. "Thanks," she said, and lit it. "I didn't think you'd smoke in here."**

**He flicked om his lighter, letting it catch slowly and watching it burn for a moment. "I usually do. Mello doesn't drive this very much, he's got a bike. A really nice one."**

**"A motorcycle?" she asked, wanting to be sure. Matt said 'yeah' and she sighed. "I'd love to have one some day…"**

**"You like them?" he asked.**

**"I like the feel and power behind them," she said, thoughtfully. "When you're riding one, it feels like there's nothing but you and the bike and the road and that's it, it's so powerful and you feel so free to do anything. Like nothing else can catch up to you."**

**"You can ride one?" he asked curiously.**

**"I used to," she said. "A little. My friend showed me."**

**He didn't really ask anymore questions after that, hearing a sad note in her voice. So they smoked in silence. It wasn't particularily uncomfortable, just thoughtful.**

**Jade suddenly remembered something. "I found my journal by my bed this morning," she said. "Whoever took it gave it back."**

**"Really?" he asked casually. Shit was he starting to flush? Mello could usually tell when he lied, he wondered how he gave it away?**

**"You took it, didn't you Matt?" she said, more of a statement than a question. He didn't answer, but blushed a little. "I'm not mad, I'm…surprised is all."**

**"It was for Mello." He said.**

**"What?"**

**"Mello liked you, and I got it for him to look at. To get to know you. I was just playing around actually. I didn't realize how personal it was until later. I'm sorry I took it," he added, thinking for a minute.**

**"Thanks for giving it back," she said. "Did you read any of it?" she asked hesitantly.**

**He took a pause before answering. "I read a little of it."**

**"And?" the question was a breath, if he hadn't known it was coming he wouldn't have heard it, the tiny, breathy voice.**

**He didn't answer. She let out a breath and tightened her lips. "I'm sorry Jade," he said, and she knew he wasn't aplogizing for stealing the book, but for what was in it.**

**Mello was sulking. Matt had skipped class and hadn't even bothered to tell him about it, and so had Jade. He tried to not notice that she wasn't there but he did, especially because he knew that Matt wasn't at home playing video games he was out with her.**

**Matt had felt bad, he'd tried to apologize. Mello had sulked, and gotten angry, and had refused to listen to him. **_**Idiot.**_** Near had told him countless times that he let his emotions rule him and he did things he regretted later. The little bastard was right, because he did regret it.**

**He regretted getting so angry at Matt to begin with, for storming off, for not listening to Matt's apologies later, and for sulking around in the morning so that Matt hadn't even told him where he was going.**

**Now he was stuck in fucking school, in fucking uniform, in a fucking bad mood and by himself. He had already gone through 5 bars of chocolate and second wasn't even over yet. The teacher kept looking over at him as though going to say something but his facial expression warned her otherwise.**

**Mello scowled and looked through his notes, making sure he had all the note, he hadn't really been paying attention. He saw his own handwriting in neat rows, and was glad that he could do boring stuff like this without paying attention.**

**He was getting angrier and angrier. Before, he'd been angry at Matt, and then decided he wanted to apologize. And now he was angry at Matt for being a dick and not even coming to school in the first place. The worst part was admitting to himself that he missed his company, he missed talking to Matt because really, he was the only person who could actually hold a conversation with him that he actually liked. Without him, there was no one Mello reallt felt like talking to. Which was bad, because Mello liked talking.**

**He thought instead about his job. The guys had him controlling a relatively small area, but he knew he was doing a good job of organizing them, and making sure no one was stupid enough to get caught. He covered mistakes and took care of anyone that tried to interfere. **

**He was rising quickly in ranks, getting more money and covering more people. Jose mentioned that he might be expanded to other fields as well, the boss wanted someone to be checking on his girls and making sure that they behaved. Someone like Mello was right for the job because he wouldn't be taken in by them and could manipulate them easily. Girls, Jose had said, were much harder to handle than any junkie. **

**Mello smiled at this. He'd already met a few of them. He'd been asked about making a video with one of them, but hadn't answered yet. He knew it was a sort of initation, but wasn't sure if he wanted to be caught fucking a random girl on camera.**

**He might go for it though. Unexpectedly Jade's face popped up in his mind, unexpected and unwanted. He was sure Jade wouldn't like what he was doing. He got pissed for catching himself thinking about her and purposefully thought of the girl he'd be with for the 'event'.**

**She was hot too, but in a really trashy been-around-the-block-several-times-way, which beat out even his usuals. She'd said her name was Alexis, which he knew was a lie. He remembered her because they'd spent 15 minutes talking about bikes, and he'd liked her hair. White, with black tips and a streak of black through her bangs…**

"**EEK!" Jade jumped to the side as the 'bullets' shot at her. The game was touch sensitive, depending on where she stepped and hid she could get shot. She held up her gun and ducked down, in the game she saw the screen follow her gun's movement as she ducked behind a crate.**

**"Stop shooting your own guys," Matt said, quick on his feet with vitual boxing right beside her. She looked over for a second, interested to see that he was winning.**

**She turned back around and was caught in a hail of machine-gun fire. "My virtual body," she said glumly, "was surrounded and shot to death."**

**He laughed. Within another minute he'd won the match. He hopped out of the booth where she stood. He was warmed up now, she noticed a slight flush to his cheeks, a healthy glow.**

**"Which ones now?" he asked.**

**"No more fighting ones," she said. "My ass has been kicked so bad…and its worse because someone else keeps getting the high scores right beside me," she added, looking at Matt pointedly.**

**He grinned and shrugged. This was the funnest date he'd ever had. None of his past girlfriends had ever let him take them to an arcade, or even shown as much enjoyment from just being with him as Jade was. It almost made him forget how sad he was about Mello.**

**Jesus. Mello could sulk. He'd tried to apologize yesterday for hitting him, but Mello had snapped at him. He'd tried again in the morning, intending to invite him to come with him, but he'd been ignored. **

**Truthfully, Matt disliked conflict. He enjoyed walking away when things got complicated, but he couldn't walk away on Mello. He loved Mello, he didn't want to think about them fighting or not being together. They could work out, Jade had proven she'd liked them both so why make dating between just 2? The three of them could be together.**

**Matt could be called optimistic. Living with Mello, you had to be. **

**"Matt?" **

**"Huh?" he'd zoned out. She pointed to a big car racing game, seven cars lined up. **

**"Do you want to try that one?" she asked. **

**"Sure," he said. He noticed the looks the people gave them as he took her hand and led them over. She followed him with a smile, blushing, light on her feet. He was used to being stared at by girls, but there weren't really any here. There were mostly skater guys in oversize clothes ditching school. They were definitely checking Jade out, and she, as he'd noticed was her custum, was completely oblivious to how good she looked. If anything, she kept nervously eyeing herself in the mirror, tugging at the clothes.**

**There were already 4 people in. They climbed in a car each, Matt's blue and hers red, and the last car was filled by a guy with shaggy hair and a nose stud. The got a bit of an audience, looking at the screens. It was a popular game.**

**The lights flashed GO and they went. Jade was an expert on this game, it had been her favourite the last time she'd come to an arcade. She pressed down hard on the accelerator; fourth…third…second…**

**Matt was still in front of her, and she rushed to catch up. She wasn't aware of her own pretty face having its turn on the screen, her eyes unblinking and concentrating, biting her lower lip a little. If she'd looked over she would have seen Matt in equally deep concentration, fighting to stay ahead. His eyes narrowed slightly behind his orange goggles, body stiff except for his hands and feet.**

**The final lap. She was gaining, and there was another car behind her. She got ahead for a minute and then they were both side-by-side before they both began to run out of gas, and the shaggy-haired guy zoomed ahead of them both; getting first.**

**She got third. She sat back, smiling, feeling as though she was releasing stress. That was fun, she thought.**

**Matt got out of his car, and she hopped out to meet him. The shaggy-haired guy walked past them and checked her out. He looked at Matt, eyebrows raised.**

**"Your date looks too hot for this place," he said.**

**Jade flushed. Matt shrugged. "Too hot for you anyway."**

**He grinned, clearly not offended. He gave her a suggestive wink and a nod to Matt, then walked off. Matt asked if she wanted to get back in line.**

**"Nope, lets try another one. You want to try a dancing one?" she asked hopefully.**

**"No." he said, adament.**

**"Well, find one that we can move a little bit on, but not with guns because I keep dying."**

**He looked at some sports one. There was a snowboarding one that he liked. "Do you want to try this one together?" he asked. "To help you out?"**

**"Sure," she smiled. "But how? There's one machine."**

**"Just get on and hold on," he said. She complied, and in the big space left he climbed on with her, his front pressing against her back, placing both his hands close to hers. "We lean to the sides to avoid things and to steer," he said. "Its easy to pick up. Just follow my body."**

**She nodded, blushing. She was so cute, the only girl left in school that blushed that easily. She felt his breath on her hair, he leaned forward, trying to compensate for the height difference. Thankfully her boots were heeled.**

**The game started and they started down. He would say when to move, and she would. The two of them got closer as the slope progressed, she leaned completely into him, their bodies moving together, side to side.**

**He took his hands of the rail and placed them on her hips, holding her against him. When the game ended, she was slightly out of breath, and her smile was dazzling, her cheeks flushed cutely.**

**He got off and helped her off when she almost tripped. "Wasn't it more fun together?" he asked with a smile.**

**She nodded. "Yeah." He kissed her again, not a soft kiss but a playful kiss, to show her that he was having fun. She kissed back, and playfully, lightly, bit his lip. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him for a second, caught in the moment. He was strong enough to hold her there, her back lightly on the rail, and they made out, not deep, serious, or meaningfully; but fun, quick, and easy.**

**"So," he said. "Not that I'm complaining but we've been here for hours. You feel like eating yet?"**

**No, she didn't. She rarely did. But she knew he was probably hungry so she smiled and said "Sure, you pick the place."**

**He suggested Harvey's and she said that was fine, her heart sinking. He asked if she wanted a combo, but she said no the plain burger was fine. He frowned.**

**"You sure you're not hungry?" he asked.**

**She hated the way she felt when he looked at her now, concern etched on his features. In Matt's world, passing up a Harvey's combo was not only shocking but alarming.**

**"I guess I could eat more," she said. "But I'm saving some to feed the birds with."**

**"That's fine," he said, and ordered for them. They sat down to eat. Jade had noticed before that when eating Matt tending to really go for it right away, stopping only when he began to run out of air. She, in turn, took smaller bites and chewed longer, careful to not let it drip.**

**She took a fry and dipped it in ketchup, liking the warm crunchiness of it. After about 5 minutes Matt was nearly done and she was halfway through her burger, her fries nearly untouched. She watched them with disgust, resisting the urge to cover them and push them both away from her. **_**Digustinggrossewwhowdidieatthat…??**_** "I'm pretty full," she said. **

**"Already?" he asked with surprise.**

**"Yeah, I um…I'm not used to eating out." she got up. "I'm just going to the washroom, be right back."**

**"Sure," he said. He had a gameboy in his pocket anyway.**

**She smiled and got up, going to the bathroom. Once inside, she checked to make sure no one else was there and got in the stall. She pushed her hair back, and leaned over a seat, putting 2 fingers down her throat.**

**She gagged. She tried again and after a minute she threw up, it fell, splashing, into the water. She kept going, unable to stop, until she had nothing left to throw up but blood and stood up straight, grabbing toilet paper to wipe her mouth with.**

**She exited the stall and went to the mirror, checking her make-up. She was tearing, as usual, her eyes watery. She wiped off the smudged liner and reapplied, then rinsed out her mouth. Finally, she turned and walked out, hoping Matt hadn't had to wait too long. **

_**No more lies, no more objectives**_

_**Twisted partings and misconceptions**_

_**Days go by like sweet summer breeze**_

_**I don't know I…I can't feel them anymore**_

_**Give me more of this precious time**_

**Im so sorry that took forever. But I finally have an ending to this story (its not for a while, but I know what is going to be now) **

**Now that im done reading, ill try to go back to updating every other day.**

**Love you all, please read and review!!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Ok I took long again I apologize**

**To my lover: yayy!!! Im a favourite singsongs I know she is in a way both of us. And liz. Because she also inspired Jade.**

**To anyone who thinks bulimia and anorexia are bad: you are right, but only when they are done in excess. Since I am bulimic, and my friend is anorexic, Jade is both.**

**Has anyone heard the song Faggot?? Its so much fun!! I love it right now!! Sorry. Random ramble.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any lyrics. Along with Milla Jovovich's lyrics there is also K's Choice 'Virgin State of Mind' (love that song!! But unhappily for me it's not mine)**

**I was thinking the other day about Milla's music. What I like is the lyrics, they're like poems. The music itself is kind of strange though. To anyone who's interested, look up these songs (my faves): **_**Gentleman Who Fell, The Alien Song, It's Your Life, Charlie, Rocket Collecting, Don't Fade Away, Satellite of Love**_

**Also she has 2 videos for Gentleman Who Fell on youtube. They're really good, I think they're artistic. **

**Sorry. More rambling. **

**Chapter Ten **

**Matt was glad that he and Mello made up before the next day. When he got home Mello was lying naked on the couch, waiting for him. He slunk up to Matt, apologized for ignoring his apologies, and proceeded to fuck his brains out. **

**Matt told him about his idea the next day before school.**

**"You want the 3 of us to go out?" Mello asked, trying to find the pants. "That is sick. Have you told her?"**

**"No, I told you first. And it's not sick, it's **_**practical**_**." **

**Mello looked pleased to be the first to know, but didn't comment much more on the subject. He looked for the shirt and muttered "I guess that'd be ok. If she goes for it."**

**They walked out, deciding to get breakfast at the school cafeteria. Matt thought longingly of an actual breakfast and cursed the fact that it had never occurred to him or Mello to learn how to cook.**

**Mello was going to be impossible to talk to soon, he thought. Exams were coming up, and Mello was always tense before vacation, studying his heart out. he would get so tense Matt felt like he spent more time outside getting to know the door because he couldn't work up the courage to make a sound and actually open it, since Mello would snap. If everything worked out for him, he'd have someone to keep him company while Mello studied.**

**He smiled. Caught up in his thoughts, he didn't realize Mello's dark silence.**

**Jade arrived at the school a little earlier than usual. There was a bit of a spring in her step, and she had actually gotten ready for school. She'd rolled the skirt, and been glad that the vest wasn't mandatory in the summer, although the jacket still was. She'd brushed out her hair, putting in the fruity smelling product Laila had used before and kept her soft waves. She had applied mascara, a little sparkly pale brown eyeshadow, some foundation, lipbalm and a little bit of bronzer to her cheeks. She'd also changed her white nose stud for a little ruby one she'd bought when she was 12 and had gotten it done. She'd also found a thick silver crucifix on a chain that she'd had before, and decided to wear that too.**

**She was surprised to see Mello and Matt standing at her locker talking, but glad they'd met up. She was also not oblivious to the fact that there was about 8 times the number of girls there 'casually' standing around and looking at the boys with an almost hunger in their eyes.**

**How, she wondered, did they manage to look so good in the damn uniform? Mello looked model-like, his lean body looking as though the uniform had been made specifically to fit him, even the colours matched him.**

**Matt had a bit of irony to his. Jade wasn't sure why, he was in uniform but seemed to be making fun of it. Maybe it was with the tie a little to short and stiff, the jacket a touch too small, the buttons he'd pinned to the shirt and jacket, or the pants a bit too snug. **

**When she walked up to them Matt pulled her toward him and gave her a kiss. She couldn't enjoy it too much, distracted by the gasps and collected eyes glaring daggers into her back.**

**"**_**Who**__**is**__**that**_**?" she heard over and over again. "**_**Who's**__**he**__**with**_**?"**

**She decided to ignore it as best she could. "Hey," she said smiling happily. She couldn't control the grin that spread across her face. She locked eyes with Mello for a second, unsure what to say.**

**"Did you get hungover?" he asked with a grin, breaking the ice. "You got drunk pretty fast."**

**"Definitely," she said, relieved. She opened her locker and put her bag in, taking out her first period books. She suspected Matt and Mello had already dumped their's off in class. "I forgot to tell you that I am, like the biggest lightweight ever. Before that, all I'd ever had were coolers, beer, and Bailey's that one time."**

**"When was the last time?" he asked, "before you got drunk with me?"**

**She blushed and muttered something. "What?" he asked. "I couldn't hear that."**

**"Um…three years ago."**

**Mello burst out laughing. She decided he was probably allowed to and blushed with an embarressed grin. "Don't laugh, it's mean."**

**"Mello probably doesn't care," Matt said, with a **_**shall we go? **_**sort of tilt with his head. Jade pretended not to hear the whisperers and walked with them.**

**They talked among each other like it was completely normal and did it all the time. Mello got excited in a way that alarmed her a bit when she mentioned exams. She'd said that it was impressive that he'd ranked #2 on the honour roll the year before and he began ranting about someone named Near and that this year he was going to be #1. Matt wisely remained silent except for the occassional nod and 'yeah' so Jade followed suit.**

**She sat with Mello and Matt in the classes she had them with, but when she had a class alone she heard whispers about her all around. People were asking who she was and what she was doing with the 2 hottest guys in school.**

**She got bored of this, and felt she was safe to write in her journal during Spanish class, a class she'd only taken because already knowing how to read, write, and speak in Spanish she'd be guaranteed to get a high mark in. So far, she would be going into the exam with a 95.**

**She pulled out the familiar black book and went to a fresh page. **

**My life has taken a bit of a weird turn. A week ago, I was all but invisible. And now, everything is different. People are whispering and pointing at me, trying to figure out who I am. I'm kind of expecting someone to try to lynch me when I go to the bathroom, some of these girls are looking ver murderous. I don't really understand, it's not like I purposefully went after them. I don't know.**

**I feel so confused about how I feel about them. With Mello, its like this intense heat that falls over me. I can feel myself blush and get hot, and can barely think. It's dizzying just to be around him. I can feel it, I know I love him. There's so much passion there, at least from my side. But from when we slept together, I think he feels something for me too. If nothing else, to just be friends so I can stay near him.**

**Then there's Matt. He makes me feel things I never have before. With him I feel safe, and cared for. I love him in different ways, more peaceful ways and my brain doesn't decided to shut down. When I'm with him, everything feels like its going to be ok. I can relax, and feel free to do anything. He's romantic too, not in huge ways but subtly, it's in little gestures and ways he touches and kisses me. I can feel my love for him like a softness that wraps around me.**

**The problem is that its wrong for me to want them both. Its selfish. I know I can't choose between them, I can't say I will leave one alone and focus only on the other. I wish I could forget about how I feel about Mello and just be faithful to Matt, but I can't. and it's more complicated because Matt and Mello are in love with each other too. I don't know how I didn't see it before, it's so obvious now when I look at them. Mello has a smile he reserves only for Matt, I get the feeling Matt is the only person that sees his true self. I had a few glimpses, but…**

**I feel horrible. I'm selfish and slutty. I still can't forgive myself for sleeping with Mello so quickly. It makes it worse that he does sleep around a lot, because now I don't know what to think. I feel like my thoughts are going in circles and repeating themselves. I hope that this works out for the best somehow.**

**She finished the entry and looked up, relieved she hadn't been called on. She noticed that class—and therefore school—was almost over. She played with her necklace, feeling it between her fingers and thought about what she'd be doing after school. Mello had surprised her and asked if she was free but she'd said a friend she hadn't seen in a while was picking her up, and after she had to work. She'd been thrilled he'd asked her though.**

**Mrs. Flores let them out early, so she took the opportunity to go outside to the parking lot. Laila had texted her and said she could pick her up and they could go hang someplace before she had to work. As she'd expected earlier, when she got out a few girls were standing around, their faces angry or cold.**

**"Saw you at lunch," one girl started. Jade tried to place her name. Alice, she had her in first period along with Mello. She gave Jade a hard push into the wall. "Who do you think you are? You think some little **_**ugly **_**nobody like you is good enough to hang out with them? What did you do? Blow them before each class if they promised to hang out with you?" she said it like a question, her voice cruel.**

**Jade's face remained impassive. **_**Don't say anything. **_**She felt sick, did everything think she was doing stuff like that?**

**"Answer my question, bitch!" the next was a blow to the head. She didn't say anything, but felt her temper rise. She didn't want to hurt these girls, because they probably hadn't known she'd had some of L.A's baddest girls teach her some tricks. **_**Jealous bitches you have everywhere**_**, they'd said. **

**"I didn't do anything. We're friends."**

**"Liar!" said another. "I saw Matt **_**kiss**__**you**_** this morning!" Jade was getting backed up, a car right behind her. "What makes you think you can just go out with Matt, when other girls, **_**more important girls**_**, have already been waiting in line!"**

**She got pissed them. "Matt's a person," she said coldly. "Not a prize at the fair for you to fight over. He can make up his own mind about who he wants to go out with."**

**"Stupid cunt!" With that the 6 girls struck her at once. She'd had enough. When the first girl grabbed her hair, she moved toward her, to fast for her to react, and thrust her fist into her gut. The girl let go in surprise and pain, and without looking she kicked at whoever was behind her.**

**She heard whoever it was stumble, and then she heard a familiar voice, one that stopped the other girls dead too. **

**"Aw, Jade you're making new friends." Jade had barely turned around to see Laila when the first girl went down. Jade hoped she hadn't hurt her too badly, Laila loved to fight because she loved beating on people. In some twisted way, Jade thought it was how she got back at the people who hurt her, by taking it out on others she felt deserved it.**

**She struck the second girl harder, the third she grabbed by the hair and smashed her face into the car windshield. She pulled her back up, her face bleeding, and smashed her again, a smile on her lips.**

**"Laila please stop!"**

**Laila looked over. Jade was looking at her wide-eyed, and her eyes flew to the girl. The only girl that hadn't run away was looking at her with terror. "What are you doing?" she screamed.**

**"You don't like this?" Laila said, not letting her go but putting her in a headlock. "But 6 on 1 odds seem fair to you?" her voice was calm, friendly even. "The difference," she said finally, when the girl didn't answer "between Jade and me is that Jade is a nice person. She wouldn't really hurt you. I will. And if you try this shit with her again I will track you down and beat you so badly that the last thing on your mind will be losing those pesky 25lbs for summer vacay, because you'll be in a hospital. Your imagination can supply the rest. And if you think I'm bluffing…" she tossed the girl away from her. She stumbled a bit. "…try me."**

**The girls backed off, trying not to break into a run and Laila gave her a hug. "Hey hunnie, how are you doing?"**

**"Better," she smiled. "I have lots to tell you."**

**"Good let's shop and you can tell me then." Laila went to her bike and tossed her the extra helmet. She pale pink, clingy T-shirt had risen a few inches, and she hadn't bothered to tug it down. Her straight her was held back by a patterned black headscarf. **

**"Can we stop at the apartment?" she asked. **

**"No need, I'll buy you another new outfit." Laila waved it off, putting on her own helmet.**

**"Laila, no. You did already. You can't keep spending money like you are." Jade worried about how callously Laila seemed to be throwing it around. It made her wonder how much she was aquiring and what she was doing to get that kind of cash.**

**"It's no big deal," Laila said. "I'm splitting rent with three roomies, I got a good job, and I don't spend much on groceries and shit like that. I practically only eat salads anyway. You know where most of the money's going." She remembered something. "Speaking of which, how'd you like it?"**

**"It was fun," she said.**

**"Good. Now hop on." Jade climbed up behind her, and held on to her waist, embarressed to be wearing a skirt. At least Laila had jeans. **

**She stopped them some place Jade didn't recognize. She saw a bunch of dingy side-stores with little lighting. Laila grinned. "This place has the best stuff," she stuff. They got off and Jade pulled a compact from her backpack, trying to fix the damage to her hair.**

**"It doesn't look bad, Laila said. She took 2 small black scrunchies from her pocket, and gave her 2 braided pigtails. "You look so cute," she said.**

**"Where is this?" she asked, following Laila into a small store she could barely read as **_**The Cat's Meow**_**. What a strange name, she thought. **

**Laila was already looking at some racks. Jade thought the store seemed almost elegant, in a dusty way. She listened to the music playing. K's Choice, **_**Virgin State of Mind. **_

_**Where can I run too?**_

_**Where can I hide?**_

_**Who can I turn to?**_

_**Now I'm in a virgin state of mind…**_

**"Jade come here!" Laila called out again. "Come tell me what you think."**

**Jade opened her eyes and walked over. "I already picked some boots for you," she said. "They're over by the change rooms. But do you like this?" she held up a black hoodie tank top with a big white star on the back. With it she picked up a pleated red minikilt.**

**"Yes to the hoodie, no to the kilt. I'm sick of worrying about my skirt on the bike," Jade said. The hoodie she liked, however, and felt the fabric. **

**"You pick something then," she said, looking at some stuff for herself. She held up a boned maroon corset with a little 'hmm'. **

**Jade walked around the store. She found a pair of faded black, ripped demin jeans. She went to try them on.**

**"How do I look?" she asked. She stepped out, the boots that Laila had picked—brown suede—making her taller and fitting comfortably.**

**For response, Laila told a dark-haired guy with 2 lip piercings that she'd been talking to: "Just charge me for those because she's going to be wearing them. The whole thing."**

**He nodded lazily and looked back over at her. "You look good," he said. He turned back to Laila and Jade realized they were talking about a dealer that lived nearby. Jade frowned. She liked the school dealers…they were safer for one thing. She worried about Laila, knew she was getting into trouble.**

**She looked back in the mirror. The combination really did look good. The hoodie was big enough to show her thin waist as it folded, and made her breasts look smaller when it was zipped up. The pants were low-slung, and comfortably hugged her legs, making them look very slim. Her hip bones jutted from the space between the hoodie and the jeans, the boots made her appear taller and slimmer. She pulled her pendant out to the front. She noticed the clothes didn't really have tags as much as little slips attached with prices. **

**"Are you sure Laila?" she asked. The girl waved her hands, **_**don't worry about it,**_** still looking in the compact, putting on more mascara. **

**She paid, and then kept talking to the guy that Jade heard her call Jack. They talked about a big party that was going to be on the weekend, and Jade started when she heard her name. "What?"**

**"Nothing much. You're coming with me right?" Laila asked breezily. **

**"I guess so," she said.**

**"It's gonna be sick," Jack said, his dark eyes finally paying attention to her: **_**potential fuck. **_**"Gotta be careful though, some fucking cops busted Ed's bash and apparently one of them went psycho after some guys escaping. Beat the shit out of Vicky," he said. "She didn't press charges though because her mom would've killed her for going to an E bash anyway."**

**"I'll be careful," she said, unsure of what to say.**

**They left and Jade kept thinking. Laila had been excited, saying it was going to be them again, and now that they were both older they'd be hitting the party scence twice as hard as before. Jade was worried. It was like L.A again, Laila doing bigger drugs, going to wilder parties where police crashed and people got hurt, and bringing her along for the ride.**

**She doesn't have a limit. Jade realized that. Most people had a limit to what they could and would do. Laila didn't, she didn't know anything about staying within limits, only breaking them. **

**She didn't want to go. She knew that. She didn't want to go and get more alchohol than she could manage forced on her, and end up puking. And get talked into taking more drugs than she'd want to. She knew that guys would be bolder, girls would be more aggressive, the pits were going to be deadly.**

**But she had to go. Because she already knew Laila, and she knew that if she wouldn't watch her to make sure she didn't overdose, or end up with more guys than was safe for her, no one else would. Least of all Laila herself.**

**While her mouth spoke to Laila about her dates with Matt and Mello, her mind thought. And she knew, just as before, that sooner or later, it wouldn't end well. **

_**You see it**_

_**But could you ever believe it?**_

_**Your fate**_

_**Could you really heed it?**_

_**Can't help it**_

_**But can you bend your back like this?**_

**Ok, so Matt/Mello didn't appear too much. I wanted to focus this chapter more on the relationship between Jade and Laila. Things are going to be moving fast from here. **

**So…read and review. And I promise Matt and Mello will have bigger parts in the next chapter, but I need encouragment. **


	12. Chapter 12

**Wow I am so brain-dead today. Smoked so much weed in the past 2 days…it was fun. I ended up pretty much passing out on my friend's bed. Omg so much fun…I could not even stand up properly I kept falling and laughing lol**

**Anyway, it is 2:37 in the morning and my cats are locked in the next room because they keep destroying stuff. Its so distracting, I think they're trying to tear the door apart.**

**OH here is my link to a site: **http://world6. it it's fun!! and you don't need to be on 24/7 to play. Plus is you become a vampire I get extra points…lol…

**Anyway, as always…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, its characters, etc. I do not own the lyrics at the end of each chapter either, they are Milla Jovovich's. I think.**

**Chapter 11**

**Her week passed as a bit of a blue between Matt, Mello, Laila, school, and work. After the incident in which Laila had intervened none of the other girls had bothered her, and she's put up with worse than jealous looks.**

**Matt had said that Mello got really difficult to live with during exams and she saw this to be true. As such, she and Matt ended up spending a lot of time together.**

**It was Friday night and they were in the park. It's true that it wasn't the safest location, but it was a smaller, kid park; practically beside his apartments. It was a few patches of grass with a big slide and 2 swings that took up most of the space. It was deserted except for them.**

**They lay sprawled across the grass beside each other. It was a warm night, Matt wore skinny jeans and a red and black striped tee; Jade was in her new hoodie and a pleated pink and black minikilt. Her bare legs were together, bent high at the knee, allowing a passerby to see her lacy pink thong. Since no one besides them was suicidal or stupid enough to go walking around in parks at night she felt safe.**

**"Are you going to study at all?" she asked Matt, thinking back. When she and Mello studied together, he usually just smoked and played more video games in his room. **

**"I might later," he said with his trademark grin. "On the day of the exam."**

**She shook her head, a smile on her face. "You're terrible. I don't know how you managed to get on the honour roll…" she yawned and looked up at the sky. The night sky seemed to her to be the only thing beautiful enough to have to look at forever. It stretched in inky darkness, like a stunning paint had been spilled across the skies. The stars glimmered, and she knew enough about constellations to find some. In others, she made her own patterns. A few clouds skirted past the moon, shining and looking, as Matt had elegantly pointed out 'dark as a nacho'. She could look up at the sky forever, it seemed to hold an unearthly power and beauty mere mortals could never dream of. **

**"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she said dreamily to Matt. "Looks close enough to touch."**

**"Mmm." Matt, in all honestly, didn't give 2 shits about the sky and how it looked. Too still. He liked things that either moved or entertained him, as it did neither he was hardly expected to pay attention.**

**Matt was more aware of Jade than anything else. She could try whatever conversation she liked, he was never distracted from her body. He was aware of her head on his shoulder, the softness of her hair as strands brushed his neck and face and the vaguely fruity way it smelled. In the silence, he could hear her breathing, and unconciously kept track of the little pattern; felt the heat from her body touching him. The zipper of her hoodie was pulled a little low, and from his angle he could see she had nothing underneath but a pink lacy bra.**

**His hand rested on her flat stomach, under the black fabric. He lazily stroked it with his thumb and she snuggled closer to him. He sniffed, and detected another smell he didn't like. She wasn't high then, but she had been earlier. He had no problem with drugs, but it bothered him that she did them so often. Something would have to be done about that.**

**She wasn't worrying about what Matt was thinking, innocently thinking he was staring up at the sky too. She felt his warm hand on her skin and relaxed. Her mind felt lazy, slow.**

**She stared back up at the sky, and listened to Matt's breathing in rhythm with her own. The night breeze was light and cool on her skin, going up her skirt. She closed her eyes, enjoying the quiet and the stillness. She loved how different Matt and Mello were. She could never confuse her feelings for the 2. **

**Matt had told her about his idea that the 3 of them go out, and after some initial confusion she'd agreed, and it was turning out wonderful for her. Whenever she was alone with Mello for extended periods of time, and his eyes would hold a blunt sexual suggestion…as would everything else. If he were with her now, he'd already be on top of her, kissing her neck and lips.**

**With Matt, she enjoyed the stillness where she could just feel. Matt didn't care about moving as fast as Mello did, and although she hadn't had sex with either since she'd been drunk with Mello, she felt she was ready to have sex with Matt.**

**Unexpectedly, she asked "What's your mother like?" **

**He groaned inwardly. His mother was really the last thing he wanted to think about while he contemplated having sex with Jade. **

**"I don't remember a lot…" he said. She waited. "I got sent to the orphanage when I was 8. My mom had red hair, like me. But hers was darker, and it was really curly," Matt stopped. "She never smelled good, now that I think of it I think it's because she always smelled like fucking smoke." He laughed. "Now I'm the one that smells like smoke all the time."**

**She didn't ask him anymore about it, figuring he was being vague on purpose because he didn't want to talk about it. "My mom was a dreamer," she said, a smile playing at her lips. "She was always taking me out to see the night sky, or sit in the rain, or hug trees and stuff like that. And she'd say things about them. She always said that she felt better when she looked at the stars too, because they could look down at earth and see everything wrong with it, but nothing changed them. So she figured if her problems weren't big enough to reach the stars then she shouldn't bother with them. She had," she faltered. "A black eye when she told me that. Said that she knew everything would be fine when she had a fresh black eye and I knew Kurt had walked away with her money. Sometimes I think she should have been less dreamy and worried more about herself. And maybe me," she added as an afterthought, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.**

**"What happened?"**

**"Oh, you know. She tried, she did. But FAX took me away from her because it was an 'unhealthy enviornment', among other things. So I went to a foster home when I was 7. When I was 11 she tried really hard to get me back. That was when she bought me these earrings. But she couldn't take care of me, and I was still too little to take good enough care of her." She inhaled and let it out, watching the triangular pattern the smoke made. "So they took me away again and since then I haven't seen or heard from her."**

**"I'm going to be better than her." She said. She felt a drop of water on her stomach. "It's going to rain soon, I think." They didn't speak after that, and for a little while just lay there in silence,**

**"I love you Matt," she said, breaking the silence. **_**I love you. **_**The first time she'd ever said that to anyone.**

**He turned to look at her, her head moved off his shoulder as he sat up, propped on his elbow. His eyes said **_**I know. **_**She knew he did, and he probably knew it was a big step for her to admit her feelings. Because that would make them real and the pain of the possible heartbreak so much worse.**

**She wasn't sure what she wanted. Sometimes words couldn't be enough, and sometimes that was all she wanted. She looked at Matt, raindrops fell lightly on their heads while she sat up. She could still see his eyes because of those goggles. **

**He took her hands lightly, fingers drifting across every scar. He lifted her hands to his lips and kissed them, then went to her lips. His hand gently touched her face and hair to draw her closer. "I love you too," he said. It felt strange for him to be saying that to her too. He and Mello rarely said it to each other, it was simply understood. And sometimes when Matt did, Mello would be tired and grunt an affirmative. **

**It felt nice to be on the receiving end of it. **

**They kissed slowly, softly. Matt had her so close he could feel the beating of her heart. The rain was falling harder on them now, and feeling no resistance, he slid on top of her, his tongue making a very thorough investigation of the inside of her mouth, his hand travelling under the hoodie and gently uplifting the lacy bra cup. **

**His hand cupped her breast and she felt it tingling all the way down her spine. He had moved his face down to her neck, kissing her there and unexpectedly licking, biting, or sucking. She in turn arched her back and ran her hands up his smooth back, playing with his hair. He brought his lips back up to hers and for a second their eyes met and his seemed to ask **_**is this ok? **_**She gave the tiniest nod and kissed him hard on the mouth, their tongues meeting each others with ardor.**

**He slid his hands down her waist; then to her thighs and raising it underneath her skirt and up the rain-slick skin there. His hand expertly began to slide the thong there away. She barely realized it, soaking wet and freezing and her insides burning from his touch.**

**Finally, Matt moved down and buried his head there. She gasped as his mouth pressed against her and the feel of his tongue, very warm and capable, laved her. He used his hands to encircle her hips and bring her more firmly against him. She groaned with pleasure and without realizing it, held tighter to the hair she had caught in her own fingers, arching her back and neck, her hips rolling which each expert stoke of his tongue. She reached for the zipper of her hoodie and unzipped it, not taking it off but leaving it completely open, revealing the skin of her breasts and stomach.**

**She shivered when he finished there and moved up from between her thighs, sliding his mouth over her flat, wet stomach and up her rib cage, then kissed her in between her breasts and made a pause by each one, his lips teasing her nipples. Finally his face came up to meet with hers and kissing her hard, the next moment he was inside her.**

**She only had a moment to wonder at how he'd gotten his pants off without her noticing it when he moved. She felt pinioned to the soft, wet ground by the weight of his body and erection. Her hips rose up to meet him thrust for thrust, Matt's lips at her throat and her arms around him, pushing him deeper. He slipped his hands behind her, helping her lift each time.**

**She was gasping, crying out and was stifled as his lips met hers again, hard and unrelenting, with as much passion as she felt. She felt as though she was growing fire within her, the flame becoming larger and larger threatening to consume her.**

**And as the storm raged around them, she felt the cooling droplets on her face and body, she came; barely registering the downpour around them. A few minutes later she lay in a bit of a heap, completely exhausted, and her head on Matt's chest trying to listen to his heart beat.**

**"You know Jade," he said conversationally. "I think I can see why you like the rain."**

**A little while later he took her back to her apartment. Her foster parents didn't seem to notice that she was soaking wet and kissing a guy at the door; her appearance dishelved and her clothes practically stuck to her. A part of him felt angry that they paid so little attention to her.**

**"You want to come to my room?" she asked him. "To dry off, because I know you've already seen it."**

**He grinned and stepped in. She led him in and closed the door behind him. She then sat on the bed and went to the little cd player and picked out a CD. "Do you like MSI?" she asked.**

**"Yeah, they're good." She put in the CD and saw Matt already inspecting the somewhat small TV in the corner from the edge of the bed, and looking at the video games she had. "You wanna play?"**

**"Of course **_**you**_** want to, I'm going to get my ass kicked." She muttered, but not in a bad way. She went up behind him, his legs were on on the floor and she molded herself behind them, her hands loosely around his waist.**

**"I can go for that too," he said softly, and turned to kiss her. They lay back against the bed, facing each other on their sides and kissing; their hands lazily exploring the other's body. After about half an hour she said he'd probably have to leave, she had to get up early for work.**

**"All right," he said reluctantly and gave her a brief good-bye kiss before going for the door. She waited until he left and fell back against the bed, a content smile on her face. Her life hadn't been so good in a long time.**

**She looked to the side and saw Laila's new cell number written in lipstick. She sighed. Tomorrow was going to be the fucking party that Laila had been going on about all week; she was apparently going to meet some guy there, which Jade thought made her going all a little pointless but she didn't say so.**

**She decided to think about that tomorrow. For now, she only wanted Matt and Mello to occupy her mind. She opened her window, absently stroking the handsome black cat that had come in with a mouse dangling proudly from his lips. Hekate put herself under her other arm, begging for attention, and Jade happily complied.**

_**Prayed so much you nearly lost your knees**_

_**The story's old**_

_**Trying to be a harmony when**_

_**Someone comes crashing into me, yeah**_

_**Come as you like**_

**Sorry for the time and shortness of this chapter I just wanted a sweet one because its going to get very serious. Please Read and REVIEW I promise ill have a new chapter (a longer one) posted tomorrow. Sometime. Now I have to go to sleep before I pass out from exhaustion and my HEAD HURTS SO MUCH!! This screen is killing me**

**So remember: snorting shit is BAD!**


	13. Chapter 13

**I still don't know how the entire last chapter ended up underlined. Weird. Shit I'm exhausted, but I did promise to update…**

**It's so cute, my cat is like sitting on the guitar case next to me just because she KNOWS shes not supposed to lol**

**To my wonderful, wonderful reviewers: thank you so much as always, it makes me so happy inside!!!!! **

**Its funny, I love Milla Jovovich's song Gentleman Who Fell but I can't find a chapter to use it in..maybe this one…hmm**

**Like I said, the next bit is going to get more serious, with maybe some fluff in a chpater or 2 to lighten it up. I have plans..lol. But what happens in this chapter is going to be bigger later on**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, the lyrics, etc.**

**Chapter Twelve**

**Laila had wanted to dress her up, to make sure that her foster parents wouldn't see her in her skant state. She'd felt bad about her lie that she was staying at a harmless sleepover at Laila's with some other girlfriends. Rich hadn't been home but Lydia had actually looked up, and given her a smile that had melted into Jade like warm butter, saying in a pleased voice: "That's wonderful Jade. I noticed you've really been making friends and going out more. You're so responsible I know I don't have to worry about you hanging out with the wrong people."**

**If only she knew, Jade thought. Laila, the wild party girl with a crush on her, Mello, whom she'd gotten drunk and had sex with, and Matt, with whom she'd had sex with in the middle of a kid's park when Lydia had thought they'd been seeing a movie.**

**She felt a bit like a doll, stiff in a chair, with Laila fussing over her; extending her lashes and giving her a baby-doll look, adding lots of heavy black eyeliner on Jade's request and coating her lips in a hot, lucious red colour. Her long nails were black with white tips, Laila doing a little at-home manicure for her. She'd put product in her hair to make it fall in silky, sexy waves around her face and falling down her back.**

**The outfit she could live without, a miniskirt with a cropped black tank top, showing off her dangling gold charm over her navel and she admitted she liked the way her tattoo glimmered with the glitter she'd put over her stomach, arms, chest, and back.**

**But the **_**boots**_**. She'd been thrilled when Laila had given them to her; they weren't new but hand-me-downs, she remembered admiring them when Laila had bought them. Huge leather monstrosities weighing about 4 pounds each with silver detailing and giant platform heels, molding perfectly to her halves and accesorized with striped, thigh high stockings. **

**Standing up, she felt amazing, unusally beautiful and powerful when she looked at herself in the mirror. The girl that looked back at her was sexy, gorgeous, her eyes dark and glamorous; even Jade couldn't complain about her body in the clothes, despite her earlier misgivings.**

**They got to the party shortly after 10, Laila had given a name to the guy at the door and they'd waltzed right in. She looked gorgeous too, like some otherworldly goddess of lust. She wore tight black pants with silver studs low enough to see her flimsy, sequined G-string. Glitter shimmered in her hair, on her arms, cheeks, and what was revealed of her stomach and chest from her flashy emerald green Gucci vest. Her black bra was almost see-through and perfectly visible, her heels making her long legs even longer and slimmer. She'd given herself a manicure too, all white with a little red heart inset in each cuticle. **

**"Ok Jade," Laila said, "time to loosen up and have some fun." She walked over to a group of people Jade didn't know, practically dragging her with her. Two girls with ripped, low-rise jeans and tight shiny tops were leaning over a table snorting lines.**

**"Let me have some," Laila said, moving up with them. The guys gave her an appreciative glance and let her through. They looked at Jade, leering, but she ignored them. One came up to her; the one with shaggy highlighted hair.**

**"You want a beer?" he asked.**

**"Nope," Laila said, finishing up and coughing. "She'll have a few shots of tequila, like me."**

**"I'll get some," the guy said, taking off. Fantastic, Jade thought. Now he thinks we're going to get drunk and sleep with him. She tried to relax and listen to the music, which she liked. Heavy and dark, the sounds ripping through her soul and screaming the words her heart knew so well until she wanted to go right up to the stage and scream and offer her soul up to their salvation. **

**She felt a bump on her arm. "Hey, remind me I gotta meet some people at 12, k?" Laila said. Her pupils were black and large, drawing attention away from her pretty face. Her voice was thin and speedy. "Jadejadejade remind me k?"**

**"Yeah, I got it. 12." Jade pried her fingers from her arm and considered joining the wild pits by the stage. It would be a good release, she could be as angry as she wanted and no one would notice.**

**God, she was fucking pissed. She hated these kinds of parties. Everywhere around her, people made out undressing each other as though they were the only ones in the room; people were snorting lines off tables and floors, drinking beer, tequila, rum, and whatever else they could get their hands on. And she was sick of standing against a wall because people kept grabbing her ass.**

**"Hey, your friend looks pretty pissed off," the guy said, getting back with the alchohol. He'd managed to find an almost full bottle of tequila somewhere. **

**Laila perked up. "Sweet. Jade get your tight little ass over here!" to the guy she said "she's not pissed, she just needs to LOOSEN UP a bit!" **

**She grabbed the bottle and took a big swing then instructed Jade to do the same. She wished she could melt into the floor. Deciding going along would be easier than refusing, she complied. She coughed, her eyes stinging.**

**Laila giggled. "Come on. **_**More**_**." **

**In between Laila's pushing and her own rising bad mood, Jade ended up drinking most of it herself. She finally stood up from the table and realized her mistake. The world began spinning almost immediately, and she realized that she was quite, quite drunk.**

**Laila grabbed her hands, blowing the guys a kiss and saying she'd be back later. She led Jade somewhere and she tried to follow, after a few steps she realized she was on the ground. **

**"Jesus Jade don't fucking start falling. The party's just getting started!" Laila pulled her up and Jade realized they were going to dance.**

**The white-haired girl raised her arms, her hips swaying slowly, seductively. Jade imitated her movements, rolling her own hips and running her hands up and down her body. "Don't let me fall," she warned her friend.**

**They danced into each other, around each other. So close, she could feel Laila's sweat on her shoulders and arms, feel the heat in her breath, the silky feel of the material of her clothing. She fell a few times, luckily Laila caught her.**

**"Shit, its almost 12," she said. "I gotta run stay here," and with that she was gone and Jade was left by herself. **

**She decided she needed to sit. She took a few steps and fell into a big, tall guy in a pale blue T. "Hey," he said, grinning. "You lost?"**

**"I need to shhhittt," she slurred. "Siiiitt, down." **

**"Oh, sit," he said, clearly more sober than she was. He led her to a table and sat down, pulling her into his lap. She leaned her head against him, it seemed to heavy to pull back up.**

**He passed her a bottle of what she recognized to be tequila. She pushed it away. He drank some himself and held her waist, trying to take her hands. **

**She hastily grabbed the bottle to have something to hold on to, and drank. It tasted like water, and not getting the immedidate burning sensation in her throat she freely drank more.**

**The world spun around her, beginning to blend in. She muttered something incomprehensible, even to herself. The guy, who had already given her a name she'd forgotten was saying something about having some more privacy and began leading her off to a corner. **

**It was darker and less crowded. A couple was writhing around on the floor, hands everywhere. She didn't want to be here. She tried to back away but he pulled her on. "No…" she said quietly.**

**He pushed her up against the corner, kissing her, his hands running over her stomach and breasts. "Let me finger you," he whispered, moving lower.**

**"Please," she whimpered. "No.." he ignored her protests and her weak, drunk shoves were clearly nothing to him. Pinned to the wall, she felt helpless and weak, just like before. She started to cry.**

**The pendant. Without thinking she grabbed the pendant and slashed his cheek. The harsh metal tore in, glinting red with his blood.**

**"You stupid bitch!" he snarled, and struck her across the face. She fell, and the world spun too quickly for her to get up. He reached for her, grabbing her shirt, but she forced him down with her, using her enormous boots to kick him in the face.**

**He swore and with Herculean effort, moved away and used the wall to drag herself up. He seemed to be cursing and ignoring her, more concerned with finding a mirror, and she walked around. She was feeling worse and worse, her head swimming.**

**How long had she been here? When would the stupid party from Hell be crashed and over already? She wouldn't mind being arrested if it meant relief from the noise, the heat, the bodies…**

_**Laila…**_**she thought hazily. **_**She's heeeere still…**_**even in her mind her words were long and slurred. She felt a body slam into her, and realized where she was.**

_**Oh, shit. **_

**She barely managed to avoid getting thrown to the ground and moved away, her hand reaching for the wall as a crutch to walk. She fell and reached up, and felt someone take her hand.**

**She looked up.**

**Mello had actually thought it was a pretty good fuck, overall. But he'd hated every minute of it. The stupid, stoned drunk whore, snorting lines up off the floor while they set the cameras. She was hot, but too skanky even for his tastes. Plus she tasted disgusting, in one part where her hair had gotten in his mouth he'd tasted enough hairspray, mousse, and glitter to make him want to gag.**

**The cameras had caught everything, every sweaty, degrading moment of it. Mello was a proud person, and he found it disgusting to be taking part in. She seemed to be used to it, a perfect porn star, posing and moaning for the camera. But he'd known he'd passed the stupid little initiation.**

**After, she'd given him a number and said to call her. But he never would. In fact, he'd burn the page. **

**God, he just wanted to get out of there. He liked to party, but this wasn't a party it was a hell hole. He looked for the exit and saw someone that looked like Jade stumble and fall to the ground.**

**He noted the streaks of black in her hair and realized it was Jade. What the fuck was she doing in a place like this? To top it off she looked completely fucking trashed.**

**Seeing her struggling to get up, he reached down and helped to pull her up.**

"**Mello?" it was more her mouthing the word than actually saying it. Her head swam, and she thought it wasn't real. What would Mello be doing there? **

**He helped her stand and she felt her stomach churn violently. Her expression must have given it away, because his face took on a look of concern and he asked if she was ok.**

**In response, she puked on his expensive black boots.**

**Matt had been sitting at home, playing video games as was his custum. He glanced at his watch during a monologue, almost quarter to 2.**

**Mello still wasn't back. This bothered him. More because he'd been deliberately mysterious about it…**

**"Matt! Open the fucking door!"**

**Matt quicksaved and got up with some surprise. He opened the door, "Mello what the he—"**

**He stopped. Mello appeared to be dragging a very drunk, almost unconcious Jade. There was vomit on his shoes, her hair, her skirt, and her legs.**

**By way of explaination, he said "I tried to set her down to call a taxi but she threw up and ended up lying down in it so I had to just carry her."**

**"Mello what the **_**fuck**_**?" Jade was muttering words they couldn't understand. She looked very sick, groaning and sweating. It was scaring the shit out of him watching her like this.**

**"I didn't get her like this," Mello said, stamping through the door. "I found her. We have to sober her up a bit." **

**Matt didn't press things and agreed. He was about to volunteer his room and saw with some surprise that Mello took her into his. They set about removing her boots and most of her clothes, then setting the shower.**

**They couldn't leave her alone, she couldn't even stand without falling over. Matt held her up while she 'stood' in the shower in her tank top, bra, and undies. She threw up again, already wet and her hair falling slickly on her skin, her make-up washing off. **

**Matt grimaced a bit at the mess but it was already getting cleaned up. He turned away to get a towel—Matt was getting some dry clothes for her—and while he was distracted his grip slipped a bit and she fell back, hitting her head hard against the wall.**

**"Shit!" he said. He hoped she didn't have a concussion. Mello came to see what the noise was about, carrying his sweat pants—the only non-tight pants he owned to work out in—and one of Matt's big T's. **

**"She ok?" he asked, ignoring the vomit on the floor.**

**"She hit her head," he said. Jade seemed to be passing out in the shower. They turned off the water and got her out, changing her from her wet clothes. She tried to do it herself but couldn't.**

**After that, Mello carried her to his room, laying her on her side under the covers, a bucket beside the bed. She fell asleep instantly, already half-out before her head had touched the pillow.**

**Mello pushed her wet hair away from her face. "She shouldn't be left alone in case she lies on her back and tries to vomit." He paused for a second. "You go Matt, I can watch her alone for a while."**

**Matt didn't argue, the look on Mello's face he didn't see very often. Very tender and concerned when he looked at her…it was the tenderness, the softness on his face. "Ok," he said, and left Mello to his thoughts.**

_**I feel your closeness**_

_**Like a shotgun**_

_**A chill within my soul**_

_**I touch your finger**_

_**Know your darkness**_

_**Your passion takes it's toll**_

**Ok! End of that chapter. I hope its good im fucking exhausted right now. Like I said, this chapter is going to start some things that get big later. And my darling will recognize the shower part and passing out. it's not just based off me!! **

**My one friend said that when I go to a certain friend's house I always sleep! Actually, I pass out usually because im really stoned or drunk. I never noticed until she mentioned it. Shes like "your such an opposum!"**

**Haha. Opposum's are cute, I saw one from my backyard!! **

**As usual, read and review please, I'd like some imput. Aren't Jade's boots great? I want to buy a pair just like them!! But I still love my old black combats. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Yay!! I got more reviews that makes me REALLY happy!!**

**To laydeekira: I have been that trashed. It is not fun. And the shower thing was in regards to me and my friend. She thought I might have a concussion because I kept hitting my head, and I also puked on her floor and then when I tried to stand I fell and ended up lying down in it. It was so gross and I was so pissed because it was a new shirt too…**

**And yeah, parties like that suck because they get so crazy that when you're drunk or stoned it just trips you out and makes you realli confused. And like what happened to Jade kind of happened to me, but in a different way. I'm like picturing the party and being like 'ugh'.**

**I don't know why but I have the biggest headache right now..i didn't even do any drugs today…who knows? I was sorta drunk though..**

**Omg **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of the lyrics. Still.**

**Chapter Thirteen**

**She woke up with a splitting headache. She groaned and decided not to open her eyes. She tried to remember the night before…the stupid party…that guy, he…oh shit. She opened her eyes, hoping to God she hadn't gone home with him.**

**Opening her eyes hurt, but at least the room lights were turned off. She was in a big bed with black covers. It wasn't hers but looked familiar. She tried to place it. **

**The door opened. Mello walked in and in her surprise she sat up, regretting it a moment later. Damn hangover.**

**"Hey," he said, sitting down on the bed with her. She looked at her surroundings, there was a bucket filled with vomit right beside her bed. The room was dark, and she noticed that she was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt that did not belong to her with nothing underneath.**

**She blushed. "Mello…did we…what happened last night? I remember some guy…attacked me and then…um, I saw you while I was looking for Laila." Laila, that was right. She would have looked for her and wondered where she'd gone. Well fuck her! She'd left her drunk and alone to fend for herself someplace where she didn't know anyone and had nearly ended up getting raped!**

**"I saw you as I was leaving, you puked on my shoes." He said. **

**"I'm so sorry!" she looked in horror around the room, looking for said shoes. He waved her off.**

**"Anyway, after that I took you outside and tried to call a taxi, but when I put you down for a minute you threw up on the ground, and then you tried to get up but just ended up lying in it. Hence the change of clothes." She looked down at her outfit, and wondered who's they were. She wondered if she was wearing a little piece from both of them, and almost smiled. "So I got you here," Mello said. "Where you threw up everywhere, including the inside of the shower when we were trying to sober you up, and finally we put you to sleep."**

**"Thanks," she said, embarressed. "I didn't permanently ruin anything did I?" she asked, blushing more. Mello usually wore leather, she didn't want to even think that she had puked on him. How embarressing. His shoes were bad enough…**

**Matt walked into the room, already smoking. She wondered what time it was. "Wondering when you'd wake up," he said, sitting down with Mello. "How are you feeling?"**

**"Shitty…" she said. "I am so sorry, Mello told me I threw up everywhere."**

**"Yeah, that was a pain in the ass to clean." He touched her lightly. "I was more worried about you though, how'd you get so drunk anyway?"**

**"Um…Laila pushed me into going to some stupid party with her at this underground club and I didn't realize how much I was drinking since I was sitting down and getting really pissed off because I hate those type of parties anyway," stop rambling, she thought in her head. Jade knew she rambled a lot when she was nervous, and also when she couldn't remember things properly. "When I got up, drunk, we went to dance and…then she ditched me and I kind of remember drinking more…"**

**"Drinking what?" he asked.**

**"Tequila I think, both times." She frowned. "That was so stupid of me, I never even drink, I can't believe I let myself…and oh god I puked on Mello's shoes…" she flushed even deeper. Damn.**

**Matt laughed. "Yeah, he was kinda pissed. But he was worried about you too. You didn't look too good y'know. He stayed here the whole night watching you to make sure you didn't accidentally kill yourself."**

**Mello looked embarressed. He played it off with attitude. "Yeah. You owe me now. You threw up on me twice."**

**"Ouch. Sorry. I really owe you guys…" she was embarressed—well, completely humiliated was a bit more accurate—but a part of her was thrilled that Mello had cared enough to put up with her drunkness and stay with her all night. Especially after she had thrown up on him. **

**"You want to call your foster parents to let them know you're ok?" Matt asked. "Or did you tell them you were sleeping over at Laila's?"**

**"I told them I was sleeping over. They wouldn't care though, anyway. They would just assume that I lost track of time or something. They wouldn't worry…" her tone got softer, more bitter. "I could probably vanish for days and they wouldn't notice."**

**"Well, you should get changed," Matt said. "Your clothes are wet, so feel free to wear whatever you want. Your bra and shit are in the bag by the closet."**

**"These clothes are fine," she said, not wanting to try on Mello's tight leather wardrobe. The two of them shrugged and left the room to give her some privacy.**

**Matt was pissed off. Not with her, but with her so-called friend, Laila, and with her foster parents. Laila had forced her to go to a party she hadn't wanted to, gotten her drunk, and abondoned her. Anything could've happened to her, especially if Mello hadn't found her. He didn't even care about why Mello was there, he was just grateful that he was. And the 2 'parents'. Why didn't they take any interest in her, see what she was doing? Jade sounded so sure that they wouldn't worry about her, and he'd already seen how much they noticed her. They didn't even notice the fact that she'd bought 2 cats, that was how little they spoke to her.**

**Strangely enough though, he couldn't bring himself to say anything against them. Because they had been better than any other adults Jade had known, she'd told him so. They had given her a place to come back to. Matt just really wanted them to be better. A place to come back to was so easy to give, and he knew how it had mattered to Jade. The same way that Matt had looked for his mom to give him affection and protection, Jade had looked for with her own mother. Who had tried and failed. And so, the scant 'home' offered to her by Lydia and Rich were seen as favourable to her.**

**Matt thought deeply. Mello was also caught up in his thoughts. He'd gone to the kitchen and pulled a chocolate bar out from the fridge. He thought back to what she'd said: "some guy…attacked me". **

**What did that mean? The obvious was that someone had tried to rape her, but he wanted to know what had happened. He got angry knowing that someone had tried to hurt her. **

**On her part, Jade was trying to piece together whatever had happened. She dimly remembered the shower…sort of. She remembered being wet. She put her underwear back on and slipped back into the sweat pants. She was going to look a bit ridiculous walking down the street in sweat pants and huge-ass combat boots but didn't really care too much. **

**She was a bit more moved that they'd taken care of her. Scratch that; the fact that Mello had taken her out of that horrible party shocked her. No one had taken care of her like that before. And even less made sure she was ok after, he could have just as well called a taxi and ordered it to take her home.**

**Instead…he had brought her here. And she dimly remembered him carrying her. Probably because she threw up and had nearly passed out when he'd put her down before.**

**Mello, she thought with wonder, you carried me all the way over here…even though you were probably tired and I was covered in vomit and I think I puked on you again…**

**She started to cry. She brought her hand up to her eyes to push the tears away. How was she supposed to react to this? She thought what might have happened if he'd been disgusted by her instead, and had left her alone. Or if he and Matt had been so angry at her that they'd tell her to leave them alone.**

**She would have died if they'd done that. Killed herself. Because they had become something absolutely nessessary for her to live. She hadn't realized how much one person could love another, but now she knew. And she knew that even if she had stayed alive, she wouldn't have wanted to. Without them, she didn't want life.**

**She finished dressing and took a minute to look in the mirror to brush her hair. She smirked a little at the mirror. Mello had a huge vanity set, black of course, with the mirrors able to rotate. Probably so he can see himself through all angles she thought with an inner smile.**

**Deciding that she looked horrendous but not entirely like she looked like The Thing From Another Dimension she walked out of the room.**

**Matt was sitting on the couch, an large old-school Gameboy in hands, little annoying Mario music playing. Mello was eating chocolate, looking dejectedly at the food in the fridge and trying to remember the last time they'd bought groceries. Or anything other than take-out.**

**"Matt, do we have any cold pizza left?" he asked.**

**"I think there's some in the oven…" Matt said, not taking his eyes of the screen.**

**"Breakfast of champions," Mello joked, pulling out a few slices.**

**Jade wrinkled her nose. Ew. She coughed a little, and hoped she hadn't gotten a cold. They both looked up.**

**"You feel like cooking?" Mello asked instantly, shooting her a flirty grin.**

**"Mello…" Matt said, shaking his head. "You ok now?" Matt asked her.**

**"Uh-huh," she said. Damn it. Why was Mello shirtless? Tight black leather pants hugged his perfect body, his abds defined and very sexy. She could barely control herself from staring. Think, Jade, think, she thought. Make some intelligent conversation. "I don't mind cooking."**

**Mello grinned, and before she had time to react had taken her by the shoulders and steered her towards the kitchen. She winced a bit, her head still hurting and he passed her an Advil and and some water.**

**She smiled gratefully and took it. Then she turned to the fridge. It was really quite sad. They had some leftover eggs and bacon from the time she had gone shopping, as well as an assortment of rotting vegetables, and half a stick of butter. She noticed some bread tucked away in the corner and sighed. Mostly they just had drinks, chocolate took up half the fridge.**

**She looked through the cupboards. A bag of flour that looked like it had never been touched, and a few odd things here and there. There were at 4 large cases of chocolate. She wondered how Mello kept such a great body with his addiction to the sweet substance.**

**"I can probably make some pancakes with eggs and bacon. Not a lot of each but altogether it should be ok."**

**"That's fine," Mello said, leaving her to her own devices. She looked up. **

**"Mello, why does your ceiling look like a Jackson Polluck painting?"**

**Matt laughed. "He tried cooking once. Macaroni and cheese with some German thing on the side. It resluted in several small fires, and burned off half the ceiling. Looks kind of artistic doesn't it?"**

**She raised her eyebrows. She turned to clear off the stove and started. She felt good, preparing them food. She loved cooking, usually she was a little self-concious about sharing it because she worried a lot over the taste, but these 2 were hardly connoisseurs of quality food. **

**Also, she loved the fact that she could do something back for them. Small as it was, it was satisfying to be able to do something helpful.**

**When it was done she had hardly begun to nibble on a piece of dry toast before the 2 had completely finished it. She giggled. They looked so cute when they ate, eating so fast as if worried that it might vanish otherwise.**

**"I'm glad you like it," she said.**

**Matt brought up what he had been discussing with Mello. "Jade, you want to move in with us?"**

**"Because I cook so good?" she teased.**

**"I'm being serious," he said. "Mello doesn't mind, we already talked it over." She looked at the blond, who was busy chewing and just nodded. He got out of the chair, finished, and grabbed a beer from the fridge.**

**"Why?" she asked, a little stunned.**

**"Because," Matt said. "You shouldn't have to live with people that don't care about you. You're 17, so you don't have to be in foster system anymore, you could live on your own. We're saying you could live with us…besides, I like having you around where I can make sure you don't get into trouble," he added with a grin.**

**She blushed again. **

**"Don't worry," Matt said. "You're not the only one to act stupid when you're drunk. This one time, Mello got really drunk and went to pick up a hooker, and it turned out—ow!"**

**Mello hit him on the back of the head as he walked out of the kitchen. "Tell that story and you will envy the dead."**

**She smiled, watching them. At school, they'd always seemed so unapproached. Matt, almost stoic and quiet, always absorbed in a game. And Mello, usually looking angry about something, or at least annoyed, and usually people were too intimidated to go up to him. Jade felt speacil, seeing them act like this. So comfortable with each other and her, she felt included and knew that they were purposefully including her into their inner circle.**

**She giggled. They both looked over at her. "I would love to move in," she said shyly.**

**It took some trouble, but Pollard managed to get the papers done quickly. He seemed pleased that she was going off on her own. Lydia and Rich seemed pleased that she was leaving, and she knew that within a week they wouldn't even notice her absence or remember her name.**

**Laila had tried to call her several times, but Jade ignored them. She was still angry with her.**

**She unpacked her things in the room they'd given her. The first thing she wanted to do was clean. The floor was **_**shiny**_**. There were so many chocolate wrappers and empty bottles around the apartment that she felt confident she could look down and see her reflection. Also, it was a mess of stamped out cigarette butts, papers, clothing, empty food cartons, and just **_**stuff**_

**She wasn't a neat freak, but it was kind of disturbing to know that people could actually live like this. Her cats however seemed to mind the mess not at all, already beginning a game of toss the ripped foil.**

**Jade went to the closet and started hanging up clothes. She hoped everything would work out alright between the 3 of them. People said living together would change their relationship, hopefully for the better.**

**She hoped to God that neither of them had a habit of walking around naked. **

_**Ashes and cigarettes **_

_**Smell of your stale bouquet**_

_**Eating words and regrets**_

_**Looking at the road, looking at the road**_

**Does this chapter seem short? It does for me**

**I'm SO SORRY ABOUT THE LONG WAIT!!!!!! Really, my life has been very busy and filled with…disaster. And I can't get any privacy to write and that really bugs me, because I need privacy when I'm writing**

**For those who don't know, Jackson Polluck paints abstract. That should give you an idea of what the ceiling looks like. **


	15. Chapter 15

**To people who reviewed: Thank you so much! I was so happy to see them!!**

**I've been very depressed lately and not able to write because my darling cat is dead. She is only 4 years old but she's always been a bit sick. She has kidney failure, and we were taking care of her, keeping her hydrated and everything. We didn't want to put her down until she shows any signs of discomfort because as long as she's not in pain we want to keep her with us. It made me cry just looking at her because she was almost too weak to move and even though she was so sick she had so much fighting spirit. **

**And ironically afterwards my computer had to be repaired, and then I discovered my aunt is dying as well. It's been a happy end to my summer. I'm slightly bitter.**

**I hope this chapter is up to standards. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or the lyrics at the end of each chapter.**

**Chapter Fourteen**

**Exams were finally over, and Jade had decided what she was going to do. She'd waited long enough but it was driving her insane. How could they live like this any longer? She couldn't pretend to ignore it.**

**She was going to dedicate the entire week to cleaning the god-forsaken house and making sure it resembled something that was midly appropiate for people to live in.**

**She mentally ticked off everything she'd need to do. First, the floors because she hated having to kick everything out of the way. Then room for room. The kitchen needed to be a little more organized, and they needed to clean it up. The sink overflowed with dirty dishes, despite the fact that she cleaned them whenever she made dinner because the ancient dishwashing machine couldn't clean and only seemed to drip a vaguely yellow liquid that looked kind of gross.**

**Something would have to be done about the cigarette butts and wrappers and food cartons and clothes and general **_**stuff**_** all over the floors. She had put ashtrays in each room, in more than one place and she used them just fine. As well as garbadge bins around the apartment to dump wrappers into. **

**And really, she thought. How hard is it for them to keep their clothes in their room if they're not going to wear them and at least keep the empty food cartons in the kitchen where I can put them to recycle.**

**How, she wondered, did I end up the maid? At first she'd been a bit like a princess, and they had tried to be good, trying to convince her to stay. After 3 days they'd decided that she wasn't leaving and had returned to old and favourite habits. She still had to smile though, living with them was fun.**

**For one thing, their eating habits. Neither could cook, and both seemed to thrive on food she wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. Mello's usual morning routine was get up, and have a beer and chocolate. Continue pattern throughout day. She'd once mentioned it that it was weird for him to start drinking that early and he'd laughed and said "I'm German."**

**She glanced at the clock. It was almost 7a.m. She decided she might as well dress. Unless he had school Mello seemed to think it morally wrong to wake up before noon at least. And Matt was a bit of a zombie in the mornings, awake around 8, but usually catatonic and headed straight for the TV and his games. After 40 minutes or so he usually returned to a human-like state, but didn't really wake up until 10 or so. **

**She dressed a bit like a tomboy, in demin and fatigues held with a belt and tall in her big boots. She put on her earrings and favourite necklaces, touching the heavy silver cross lightly with her fingers.**

**Knowing she'd have at least an hour to herself, she went to her dresser and from a pair of folded jeans she pulled out a plastic bag filled with a white substance.**

**She poured some out on to a book on top of the dresser and took out her knife, fingering the handle lightly with her thumb. She hadn't felt the urge to cut herself in a while, not since Matt had asked her out really. It seemed like such a long time ago. But she still enjoyed playing with blades, a morbid fascination. **

**She used the knife to separate it cleanly into lines, and then took out her rolled piece of paper, putting the knife away. She cleared her nose twice, and then lightly covered a nostril with her finger, while her other hand held the paper up the other nostril as she bent down and snorted it up.**

**She coughed, leaning her head back and sniffing. And then she bent forward to finish it, pushing the paper around the book until she was satisfied she had it all.**

**She smiled—she hadn't been able to do it for a few days because she'd been getting nosebleeds—and hid it away again. She went to the bathroom and locked the door, opening the tap to a light fall and then putting her face underneath, letting the water run up her nose to soothe the burning she felt. **

**In a minute her mind felt somewhat sharper, and she had the urge to smile and spin in circles. Which she did as soon as she got back to her room, locking the door. She giggled and fell back into the bed, watching the ceiling with fascination. Fuck I'm high, she thought.**

**She spent her time alone smoking, checking to make sure that the guys had something for breakfast, and playing some of Matt's video games. She was surprisingly very good.**

**While she had time alone, she decided to think. This turned out to be a mistake. I'm 17, she thought. And already I'm living alone with 2 guys that I haven't even known for that long. Not even 3 months. This bothered her, and she couldn't place why. She knew that the ridiculous scenarios in her mind only made sense because she was high but the bothered her all the same. **

**The drug started wearing off after a while and she simply sat on the couch with an old Playstation console and playing Legend of Dragoon. She went to her saved game and started. Hekate and Pantera jumped up beside her and she smiled, petting them. "You don't eat yet," she said. **

**The guy's had had some difficulty getting used to the cats. Matt had Pantera 'devil cat' and his feelings were mutual, as the animal seemed to make it a hobby to pounce on him out of nowhere or attack his legs when he walked by. Surprisingly he got along with Mello though, something Jade found cute. As for Hekate, she loved to follow them around and bother them, Mello would go in his room to find her comfortably curled up and shedding on his leather pants, or using them to sharpen her claws to play with. And she liked to go up to Matt when he was sleeping and bat at his hair. **

**Their main complain though was that they both had a habit of staring at them for no reason for hours. Mello didn't care as much, but Matt found it freaky. Jade found it amusing.**

**Speaking of Matt…she thought, hearing him get up. She said "good morning" and got a grunt of reply as he flopped down beside her and made an incoherant sound.**

**Already knowing he wanted her to get off she did and he looked through his games and put one on. She knew she wouldn't get any sort of conversation out of him for an hour so she left. **

**Outside it was hot but not ridiculously. She smiled, enjoying the warm sun on her skin, and the feel of the cigarette in her hand. My sweet cancer, what would I be without you? She thought.**

**She walked down the street, deciding to go to the Avondale and buy some ice cream. She used to do it all the time, albeit by herself. Now she felt weird, wanting to go. Mello despised ice cream of any kind, claiming it had even taken the joy out of chocolate, his favourite flavour. Matt didn't mind the one from the store, after a night of drinking he usually had quite a bit actually. But he wasn't the kind of person that liked going out and being in public. He was a definate introvert, a complete opposite to Mello.**

**And she…wasn't sure. She liked to think of herself as a soft blend of the two of them. She wasn't as socially reluctant as Matt, although she was timid were Matt was simply indifferent, but she wasn't quite the attention-demanding explosion that Mello was either.**

**Come to think of it, although he was usually relatively calm around her, he seemed to be getting moodier, snapping at the simpliest things. She wasn't brave enough to ask him directly what was wrong, so she opted to ask Matt at the earliest oppurtunity. **

**She thought about what she could do to cheer him up, and decided to make double chocolate brownies. She didn't have to worry about calories because Mello usually ate them all before she or Matt could get any anyway. **

**She went to the nearest Zehrs and shopped for groceries. She would have to ask Mello where he got all the money from. While she was there she bought a few cleaning supplies and then called a taxi to take her home.**

**Home. What a nice word, she thought. And now I have one.**

**Mello had been trying to have sex since the night Jade moved in. **

**First, Matt had said they had to give her enough time to adjust and they shouldn't start off with sex right away. So he waited. Matt didn't seem to mind the wait, and Jade wasn't looking any closer to jumping them than she had the first time they'd met.**

**Mello liked sex. He usually had it five times a day with Matt. That, and the stress from the demands of his increasingly shadier job, was pissing him off.**

**When Jade left and he got up, the first thing he did was grab a beer, finish it, and pin Matt to the floor. After some initial protest, Matt seemed to get into it, the 2 of them kissing and Mello removing their clothes quickly.**

**If he could just fuck him before Jade got bac—**

**She opened the door.**

**When Jade had arrived inside, what she had expected to see was: Matt, playing video games with Hekate on his shoulder again, as she seemed to think she was a parrot and Matt didn't mind because it meant she couldn't really stare at him; and Mello, eating a chocolate and drinking beer. Maybe glowering at Matt because he was stealing the TV or doing one of those really hard sudokus that Jade couldn't do to save her life.**

**She did not expect to see them both making out naked on the floor.**

**Sure, she'd seen them make out. Hell, she'd even taken part. But this was definitely something new.**

**In shock, she dropped the bags, and winced, hoping nothing broke. She picked them up again—along with her slack jaw—and squeaked a "Hi"**

**Shit, Mello thought as Matt instantly got up—well, as instantly as he could anyway, it took him a few minutes for obvious reasons—and grabbed his clothes, rushing to Jade.**

**Mello liked Jade, he **_**really**_** liked her. Maybe he even loved her, he wasn't sure it was love but he cared for her in a way that he'd never cared about anyone else. Not even Matt, although they were so different that trying to put his feelings in the same cateogry for both of them was impossible. **

**But she was starting to piss him the fuck off. Why was she so shy? What was it going to take to put the sex back into the relationship? He'd thought that after she fucked Matt at the park they'd be moving along a little faster but they'd slowed down completely.**

**Jade was a five miles per hour person. Mello was more of a 500-miles-per-hour-fuck-the-speed-limit type of person. He wasn't used to moving so slow.**

**All right, he had to change his approach. If trying to fuck Matt in secret wasn't going to work, he'd need to try something more direct.**

**Matt was helping Jade unpack the groceries. She was flushing, and couldn't seem to look him in the face which seemed odd to Matt because after all **_**he'd**_** been the one naked on the floor. **

**Evantually though, five bags later, she seemed much calmer. Her cats ran to their bowls when she fed them, back in routine, and then Mello walked in.**

**Matt knew him too well to not think he was up to something. He was wearing a grin on his face but trying to hide it which only made him seem more suspicious. Jade didn't seem to notice, her face red as she set the oven to preheat.**

**"Jade, you know how to play poker?" he asked.**

**"No…" she said. "It looks fun though. Why?" **

**Why indeed, Matt thought, trying to figure out what Mello was planning.**

**"Matt and I usually have poker nights a couple times a month. Nothing fancy and shit, just alchohol and cards." Mello jumped up on the table and sat down. "You want to join us?"**

**Matt had completely forgotten about it. It would be about time for them to have a poker night, but usually it was just an excuse to get hammered and have sex on the floor. What the fuck was Mello planning? He had to know there was no way he'd let him get Jade drunk.**

**She looked pleasantly surprised. "Ok," she said. "Do you want me to make anything to eat?"**

**He shrugged. "We usually just have chips and chocolate."**

**Jade frowned, but said ok and went back to what she was doing.**

**Mello grinned and left.**

**His plan had gone perfectly. Now, all he needed was to disguise the vodka in a way that Matt wouldn't anticipate. He should probably get Matt drunk too. He was sure that once Jade and them had sex together, she'd get over the shyness thing and it could be a daily thing again.**

**Jade was a little surprised by Mello's invitation, but pleased. She was a little alarmed by the alchohol part but she was sure that if she paced herself and stuck to light mixes she'd be fine. She hoped.**

**As she cooked for them, her stomach grumbled. Shut up stomach, she thought. You're getting booze later, which has a million calories in it. You can't eat now.**

**A while after dinner (moyettes with homemade salsa and bruscetta with goat's cheese that Matt loved) Mello started setting up the game. He shuffled the cards and put them on the table. He explained that they took a shot if they lost the round. The loser got 2 shots, second place one, and the winner none.**

**"What are you having?" she asked, a little worried.**

**"Vodka," he said with relish. "But I'll mix a few screwdrivers for you. They're more orange juice than vodka anyway."**

**She bit her lip. "Ok," she said.**

**They sat down and Mello went to mix her drink. In the largest glass they had he filled it over halfway with vodka, and then added orange juice to mix it up. Then, to fool Matt he added a little bit of orange food colouring.**

**He brought the drinks back. "Here Jade," he said with a grin.**

**Matt watched suspicously. Well, he thought, it's pretty dark so it must be mostly orange juice anyway…**

**"We each take two starting shots," Mello said, and poured himself a large shot. Matt followed suite. They cheered each other and then took the first shot.**

**Jade coughed as it burned the back of her throat. Shit that was strong. "It's really strong," she said, coughing.**

**"That's just the shock of the first taste," Mello said swiftly. "Since you're not used to the taste of alchohol. It'll pass." **

**She gave him a doubtful look, but took another shot. Her eyes watering, she said "Ok," weakly.**

**Matt reshuffled and handed the cards out, explaining the rules again for Jade's benefit.**

**Mello smirked. His plan was in action.**

_**cycling cycles  
vicious circles  
wheels spinning in every direction  
cars going in every way  
wheels spinning all day  
where do I go from here  
where do I go to you**_

**done finally, this is a bit of a longer chapter**

**to my darling: haha sorry you'll have to wait for the next one…ooohh..**

**I'm so sorry about the wait! I've been busy and depressed and I finally got time to myself. Im really happy because frankly I missed Jade, Mello and Matt. **

**Please review and make me smile!! **


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you so much everyone!!! I'd glad you reviewed it made me so happY!! A speacil thank you to laydeekira!! I'm flattered and thank you…I am feeling better now though. Not so depressed.**

**To anyone still reading this because I know I took forever to update: thank you!! It makes me really happy**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note and by now everyone should know who the lyrics belong to**

**Chapter Fifteen**

**Damn, Jade thought. Lost again. She giggled and took another shot. At least she was doing better than poor Matt, who'd lost most of the rounds. Mello was winning most of them.**

**She leaned forward a bit, picking up her new cards. She knew she was drunk, but pleasantly so. She didn't feel the least bit nauseous or afraid. For once, she was really enjoying being drunk.**

**And they were all SO friendly. Mello kept getting friendlier and friendlier. They'd gone from reasonable distance apart to knees and legs touching, his hand on her thigh; pouring her the drinks whenever she lost. She smiled dreamily. He smelled so nice…like leather…warm warm leather…Mello was always so sexy in leather…hmm sexy Mello…sex WITH mello…wait what was she talking about? Damn she'd lost her grip already.**

**Matt had already finished off one of his bottles and was halfway through the second. He was probably not aware of exactly how plastered he was. He'd started with trying to lose to make sure that Mello didn't get her drunk, to fighting to win to keep whatever remained of his mind.**

**What was Mello planning? He was so obviously suspicious. You will not beat me Mello for I am ninja. Why were they looking at him weird? Shitshitshit did he say the ninja thing out loud.**

**Quick Matt, act sober, he thought. He tried to ask who was winning—oh, the suspense. Not.—and was a little surprised to hear an almost incopherable string of words. **

**Mello, on his part, couldn't have been more pleased with how things were turning out. Matt, his main concern, was completely trashed. He went in between looking completely intense to acting random. He'd successfully moved closer to Jade, and she'd even begun with some friendly necking when Matt yelled out "NINJA!" and she'd been so surprised she'd nearly fallen over.**

**No shit. Mello had been taken off guard too. He was a little tipsy, but in full control of his mind and body. He was just in a better mood than usual was all. **

**Back to the plan. He kept forgetting. Jade was drunk, but not so much that she'd be cursing him the next morning and throwing up in their shower…again. He never had managed to save those boots…**

**"I'm sick of poker," Jade said, tossing her cards down childishly and pouting adorably. "Let's do something fun!"**

**Mello could work with that.**

**Jade was bored of card games. She wanted to do something fun. She wanted a smoke first, and then she wanted to pull both Matt and Mello on top of her and kiss them both and…let them do very naughty things to her.**

**She stood up, and swayed a little, giggling. "I'm gonna go have a smoke," Jade said, reaching for little cigarette case. **

**"Don't fall off the balcony," Matt mumbled, and strated laughing like it was the most hysterical thing he'd ever heard. **

**Jade giggled and tripped, falling on top of him. She tried to sit up, and ended up with her hand in between Matt's thighs almost touching his crotch, her legs on either side of his as though she were straddling him. **

**She twisted a bit, changing position. She was now on her knees directly in between Matt's legs and she stretched her hands out to Mello and said "Help me up?" **

**He slid down next to her, and took both of her small hands in one of his own, bending to kiss her. His other hand pulled her closer to him, and she gasped as she felt Matt move behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist, teasing the skin there from under the fabric, tongue lazily stroking the side of her neck. **

**Jade raised her own arms when Mello began to pull off her shirt. For once she didn't feel self-concious about her body, and didn't worry about their eyes going to the fat on her stomach and arms, but content to show herself to them. Mello's eyes landed hungrily on her breasts, and she gave him a deep kiss before lowering his head to where he could pass his sweet, wonderful tongue over them and make her back arch with pleasure.**

**She reached back to encircle Matt's neck and drew him tighter towards her, feeling fire wherever his hot mouth touched her. Her bare neck, shoulders, spine, hips. His skilled hands caressed her body, rubbing her down there, in the place she most wanted them. His mouth was everywhere on her, kissing, licking, nipping at her skin. She felt Mello's mouth close around a nipple, as Matt pulled her down and she felt the smoothness of his bare chest, his hand pushing her hair away as he focused on her neck and lips.**

**Her breath came fast as she felt her pants begin to slide down, a hand who stroked their way back up. A probing tongue under her ear, warm breath on her face. She felt as though her body had never been touched, really touched, in the way it had been meant to until then. The hot desire raced through her, and she felt their own need against her body. She closed her eyes, kissing soft skin, stroking hard muscle.**

**Hands helped bring her back to her knees, a tongue flicking at the cleft between her breasts making her tingle, from behind a hand reached past her, pulling the three of them against each other. Another hand went in between her thighs, and two fingers entered her. They stroked and caressed her tenderly, and she suddenly knew who it was that was inside her. Only Matt was that tender, Mello would be rougher and harder. **

**On her part, she was so lost in the aching bliss of them both that she didn't even know who she was stroking, or when. She didn't want to open her eyes and know. Her own face was buried in someone's neck, hair soft on her face while she jacked him off. Gasps and moans came from all around her, matching her own.**

**Finally, she felt it. As the fingers left, something else entered it. Something much harder and thicker, pulsing inside her. A few moments later she felt it from behind too, the person being slower and gentler, allowing her to get used to the unaccustumed thickness there.**

**The three of them were wound tightly around each other, their hips moving in mirroring motions, bodies rubbing each others. She felt hands grip her shoulders and she bent her arm back, grabbing hair and twisting as it became an unbearable, undeniably pleasureable pain. Whoever was in her front kissed her lips hard, tongue searching, exploring in rythem to the movement lower down. She felt herself coming, and bit into someone's shoulder, feeling her hands tighten, one entangled in hair, the other sliding down the other's back; nails drawing blood and she heard him give a delighted scream.**

**They came with her, lustily and just as intense as she had. She cried out and was lost to their cries as she listened to her own haggard ones in a voice she could barely recognize. **

**When it ended, they simply lay on the floor where they'd made love. She felt their bodies naked on hers, and she fell asleep, head on someone's chest. She breathed deep and smelled leather. **_**Mello.**_

**She tiredly urged Matt closer to her with her hand, and the three of them slept there; cards forgotten on the table. **

**When Jade woke up the next morning, she was a little surprised to find herself on the floor. She felt a throbbing in her head that was rapidly becoming too familiar, and her entire body ached.**

**She yawned and sat up, finding herself completely naked with an equally naked Matt and Mello lying beside her. She began to remember what had happened as sleep left her and gave herself a minute to piece it together.**

**Now she remembered. The poker game and screwdrivers…she glanced over at the table, not surprised that Mello had placed enough alchohol on it to completely drown an entire village. Thankfully, most of it was still there, but it led her to wonder on how drunk he'd planned on being.**

**She heard them breathe peacefully around her. Memories of the amazing three-way from the night before came back to her, vivid. Suddenly she knew why her ass hurt so much…**

**Still, she wouldn't regret it. Regardless of whether she'd been drunk or not, she'd wanted it and the entire sensation was one she wouldn't want to give up. She'd felt something speacil with them, it felt so right somehow, as though they weren't meant to be seperated into pairs but remain the three of them. Jade could comply with that.**

**It hadn't been just sex last night. It really had been making love. She loved them. And she knew , she **_**felt**_**, that they both loved her back. **

**Carefully rising, quiet as to not disturb them, she went to grab a bathrobe to shower before her roommates woke up. **

**Matt woke up almost at the same time as Mello. They yawned sleepily, and sat up. Both saw each other naked, and then the clothes around the floor, and grinned.**

**Matt was having a bit of a difficult time remembering things. But he distinctly remembered the sex. Fuck. That was the best sex he'd ever had. It hadn't felt like they were three separate people, but one beautiful, sexual creature. He'd felt their pleasure as though it had been his own, had felt their groans riverbrate through him.**

**He thought about them both. Mello had clearly planned out the entire evening. And Matt couldn't say he was sorry he had. He looked for Jade and saw her coming out of the bathroom, hair wet and pushed to the right in front, her fingers toying at the strands. The bathrobe swam on her thin body, her body slick from the shower.**

**"Morning," Mello said when she sat down on the floor beside them. Mello noted with interest that she didn't blush and look away when she saw their bodies. **

**"Good morning," she said. She gave Mello a cheeky grin. "You planned that entire thing, didn't you?" **

**"Guilty," he said, grinning as he got up. Matt was already frisking for his clothes, and Jade passed him a shirt. **

**She smiled, and Matt stroked her face lightly for a moment. His eyes had an unusual tenderness that only two people in the world got to see. One of the two in question was gazing back at him, golden eyes calm.**

**She accepted whatever it was that they had. Matt was glad. He'd never felt as strongly for anything as he did for Mello and her. Matt rarely complicated things, things to Matt were simple. The three of them belonged together. Simple.**

**Jade went to go change, putting on her usual oversize jeans but pairing it with a lacey black thong and matching bra under a low-cut white spaghetti-strap. Just because she wanted to. She put on a little make-up and brushed her hair, then stepped out.**

**"Do you want me to make you guys something speacil?" she asked.**

**Mello looked as though he was really thinking. "I haven't had cinnimon buns in a while."**

**She smiled and started to prepare ingredients.**

**Matt sat down to watch TV. He was dressed by now, of course. He looked at a report about teen sex and grinned, checking to see what it was about.**

**"There are a lot of teens out there becoming parents for careless reasons. The newest problem among teenagers today is not preventing them from having sex, but trying to persuade them into having protected sex. A study shows that girls are less than 30 likely to ask their boyfriend to wear a condom…"**

**"Mello, check it out," Matt said, interested in what was going on. "How many times have we had sex with Jade using protection?"**

**"None," he answered. "Why?"**

**"Symptoms include: morning sickness…" Jade could usually be heard vomiting, check…"dizziness"…shit was she dizzy?…"no longer get their period…" shitshitshit he'd never anyone of her…female things. Like tampons…and stuff like that. Although that was more of a blessing than anything else since one of his ex's had a habit of leaving them everywhere. Gross.**

**"Many girls don't begin to show signs until well into the pregnancy. Some girls even remain thin throughout the pregnancy, and gain little weight…"**

**"Mello, have you ever seen Jade get her period?" he asked, grimacing a little at the world.**

**Mello looked at him as though he'd just asked if he'd like to move to Japan and open up a noodle stand with him. "What kind of a question is that?"**

**Matt looked miserably at the screen. He couldn't help being paranoid. "I think we may need to take a trip to the clinic…"**

_**In your hand**_

_**Memories stand**_

_**Strong as towers**_

_**Book for hours**_

_**In this house…**_

**Ok!! Done. Wow so hard to do tonight take a guess why lol carly**

**So…what will happen at the clinic? Are matt and mello prepared to have children? Will there even be children? And what happens when Laila makes a reapparence?**

**Please read and review this chapter and I promise I will update the next one soon.**

**Oh lol I just remembered: the cinnimon bun thing is like an inside joke. my one friend would say "I baked cinnimon buns (blank) times this week" whenever she had sex so that people wouldn't know what we were talking about. I think its appropiate for Mello to ask for**

**Anyway: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!! I will love you forever if you do. **


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you for reviewing!! I'm so happy that people are still looking at this!! **

**Speacil Thank You to Aquarius Dragon!!! Thanks, I try not to let it bother me but it does…so I got rid of it. Does that make me immature?? Also, I'd so happy that you like Jade a bit more now, I know it took her forever to really see Laila's colours, but she was a bit blinded by the past, you know? That happened to me too, and I kept not accepting it because I could remember how great friends we were before. **

**And to the people sending mean reviews: FUCK YOU. If you don't like it, don't read it. Simple. Not rocket science. **

**I'm so pissed now. Shallow bitches with nothing better to do than piss off other people are so pathetic. **

**Oh!! Also, there is a little part in here dedicated to my love. It's random, and you'll probably know which part it is as soon as you read it. I'm soooooo sorry for the late update, busy with work and stuff…**

**I promise I will do better for the next chapter!!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or the lyrics **

**Chapter Sixteen**

**Jade walked into the room to see both Mello and Matt looking unusually uncomfortable. They both shot her stricken looks and she wondered if she ha something gross on her.**

**"I'm going to go to buy some icing, ok? I'll be back in about 20 minutes. Matt, you want me to get you a new carton while I'm out? I'm getting another one for myself anyway."**

**Matt nodded, and, giving them a weird look, she left.**

"**She doesn't look pregnant," Mello said, when she'd left.**

**"The TV said she might not," Matt said. "And it might be early."**

**The pair got up and immediately went to her room to search through her things. Partly to search for feminine things generally needed by girls certain days a month, and partly because they were nosy and she generally didn't have them in her room.**

**Matt checked her mirror and the ajoining cabinets. Make-up, cream, hair stuff…he closed it and started frisking through her drawer, trying not to mess up the clothes. Holy shit what was she doing with that much cocaine?**

**"Mello, come here," he said. Mello had gone to look in "her" area of the bathroom and yelled "There's nothing in here!"**

**He walked back into the room to see on the bed Matt had laid out: a pipe, packets of papers, a plastic bag full of what looked like cocaine, an open box of little tablets that he supposed were E, another three plastic bags full of weed, another pipe, and tiny rolled pieces of paper in the shape of a straw. **

**"Shit," he said. **

**Matt looked at them distastefully. He'd known that she had a fondness for drugs, but he'd assumed it was weed, hash, maybe some prescription. Cocaine was much more serious.**

**Mello thought for a second. "First we have to find out if she'd pregnant or not. Then we deal with this." He gestured toward the bed.**

**Matt went to grab a bag to put it all in and took it to his room to confront her with later. Then he'd throw it out. Mello absently took the bag from him, "I'll get rid of it," he said, already thinking of the people he'd sell them to.**

**Matt shrugged.**

**Jade got back in and was surprised to see both Matt and Mello waiting for her expectantly. **

**"What?" she asked, walking into the kitchen. She glanced up. The ceiling was bothering her less and less now. **

**Matt looked uncomfortable. "When was the last time you got your period?" he asked, looking embarressed and grossed-out when he asked it.**

**Shit they know, she thought, how did they find out I thought I was being careful about the bulimia… "A while ago," a year still counted as a while, right? "Why?"**

**"We should go to the clinic," Matt said seriously. "We think you might be pregnant."**

**What? What the fuck was going on? So her secret was safe then, good. "I'm not pregnant," she said. "I think I would know." **

**Mello grabbed her arm, looking pissed. "You're getting tested. I'm not prepared to become a father so we're going to find out and if you are you're getting rid of it." **

**"What?" she glowered at him. "You know, I get a say in this too!"**

**Matt took her other arm and they essentially dragged her to the door. "Not when it interferes with our lifestyle."**

**Bastards! She thought furiously. May lightning strike you both!**

**She didn't want to go to a fucking clinic. She hated them. And they might even go overboard and demand she take a blood test too and then her other secret would be out.**

**She was dragged down to the car and placed forcibly in the backseat. They two of them were so tense she almost laughed. Clearly, the thought of becoming a father was a scary one.**

**Finally reaching the damn clinic, they got out and went inside. There was a few other people there: a twenty-something girl that didn't seem to realize that shoulder pads were no longer in, a spanish-looking guy with a pretty supermodel-type girl, a goth girl wearing enough make-up to scare a clown, some chick that looked about thirteen that had come in dressed in spongebob squarepants pajama bottoms, a happy bunny top, pigtails, and fuzzy pink slippers standing with a creepy-looking pale guy dressed entirely in black.**

**And every single one of them turned to stare at them when they walked in. As if **_**they**_** were the weird ones. **

**Well, Jade supposed, we probably do look weird. There were two drop-dead gorgeous guys; one wearing orange goggles and the other a bit feminine looking and wearing black leather. Both were dragging her in, and she wasn't deluding herself into thinking that she looked like she belonged with them. She might pass for cute-looking, but didn't compare to them. She laughed when the supermodel's eyes bugged when she saw Mello. Probably dying to ask what kind of conditioner he used. **

**Matt went to go talk to the person working there and came back to wait. Matt was sitting on the couch, slouching and playing the new kind of gameboy that Jade didn't know the name of. Mello was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, glowering at everyone. Jade sat down awkwardly, trying to ignore the stares and Mello's rising black mood. It was more awkward than the time she'd caught him jacking off in the bathroom.**

**"Is there a Propper Carly here?" the receptionist called after a while. Jade looked up from her magazine, realizing out of the people who had been there before her only the girl in her pjamas and her boyfriend were there. The girl squealed and got up. The guy did too and said "he should come with me!"**

**Mello muttered something about pedophiles under his breath, and Jade went back to her magazine. Matt hadn't even noticed, he'd been steadily playing Mario since they'd arrived to calm his nerves.**

**After a little bit, the receptionist called them in and Jade said she was going alone or not at all. The boys agreed, but muttered mutinously. **

**She walked in, feeling out-of-place. She hated clinics, hospitals, doctors, anything that was anywhere remotely close to needles and blood tests. When she sat down to wait for the doctor, she absently hummed a song quietly. In her mind she envionsioned all the ways she was going to torture Matt and Mello after.**

**If she were stronger, bigger, and about 30 pounds heavier and therefore able to outmuscle them. **

**Matt was understandably nervous. It had never occurred to him before that his irresponsible behaviour may have set him on track to fatherhood. He didn't want to be a father. Hell, having to pick up after Mello's messes were enough. He didn't need to still be doing it for someone else 15 years later.**

**He waited anxiously for Jade to get out. He wanted to start talking to Mello but thought the better of it. Mello was in a pretty bad mood, his usual reaction whenever something he didn't like came up. The smarter thing to do would be to ignore him completely. **

**Instead he thought about his new videogame. The new .Hack game was out and he was definitely going to buy it. Even Mello liked to play that game, he seemed to get a sick thrill from gleefully beating the living shit out of people, even if they weren't real. Matt was sure that if the World were real, Mello would be a PK. Hell, he'd probably have a separate account to be a PKK too, just for fun.**

**Although if things were going to happen as he dreaded they might he'd be looking at spending months not with his precious games and porn but in stores picking out baby clothes and changing diapers. **

**Not going to happen, he assured himself. Besides, it's probably Mello's. He's way more unlucky than I am.**

**While Matt was having this cheerful conversation with himself, Mello was colourfully cursing the world and every living person in it. Especially bachelors. **

**How was it, he thought, that with all the girls I've screwed before this problem never came up? Probably, he realized, because they were smart enough to protect themselves. Took fucking pills or something. Figures Jade wouldn't. **

**And what, he thought, kind of girl lives with 2 guys she's had sex with **_**doesn't**_** put herself on the pill? **

**A part of him was trying to pin the blame on him. After all, he could've used a condom with her, it wasn't like he didn't have any. He squashed that idea and decided it would be much easier to just blame her. **

**Jade wasn't thrilled with her boyfriends either. Just who did they think they were, anyway? And they would probably make her pay for the clinic. Did she even have to pay for it? She'd never been to one before…**

**She looked around the room, waiting for the doctor to come in. She saw a few magazines and browsed through them, seeing only various editions of Parenting Today, Good Housekeeping, and Compleat Mother. Someone was clearly trying to send her a sign.**

**"Please don't let me be pregnant," she said quietly. "I do not want to be pregnant…" **

**Out of boredom, she started listening to the conversation on the other side of the wall. The pigtailed girl was pretty loud.**

**"I'm so happy!" cue to lots of giggling, followed by a pause. "But I don't want to name the baby Necrophilia I want to call it Toby, even if it's a girl!" another long pause. "Eww…don't start with threatening to cut off my eyelids again…"**

**Jade allowed herself a little smile. At least there were some people with relationships more fucked up than hers.**

**Matt started when Mello suddenly got up. He saved quickly and looked up. Jade was looking uncomfortable and walking out. **

**"So…what did he say?" Mello asked, to the point as always.**

**"When?" she responded, eyes narrowed. She stormed out and they followed her. "Before or after he tried snapping pictures of certain private parts with his camera phone?" she clenched her teeth and looked up. "It was gross and humiliating!"**

**While she stormed back to the car, clearly trying to not get upset, Matt turned to Mello. "Who gave you the name of this clinic anyway?"**

**"Debbie mentioned it once," he answered. Matt rolled his eyes. Mello shrugged. "We can still pick up some pregnancy tests at the store if she doesn't want to go to another clinic."**

**"Yeah that's probably be better."**

**Back at the apartment, Jade calmly viewed the response from her third and final test. Negative, just like the others. She stepped out of the bathroom with a smile. "I'm not pregnant."**

**Their relief was palpable. Matt even sagged across the street in relief, and Mello took a big bite of chocolate. This had been the most tense day of his life. **

**He glanced back over at Jade. She seemed to have gotten over her anger at them. Matt also seemed to be enjoying the peace, not mentioning the drugs they'd found. Since they had time, there was something Mello was intending to try out.**

**"Are either of you going to take a shower?" Jade asked. "Because if not I'm going to right now."**

**"Before you do that," Mello said, reaching over to the plastic pharmacy bag on the table and setting down his chocolate at the same time. "There's something Matt and I decided on trying out with you."**

**"What is it?" she asked, trying to see inside the bag.**

**He showed her. Various brands of condoms winked up at her. She grinned and straddled Mello, the closer one. "I guess I'm up for that."**

**The next day, she woke up tired but content in Matt's bed. She, Mello, and Matt had decided to test out all of the condoms all day long in as many areas of the house as possible. She felt like a honeymooner, but was very happy. She turned over in the sheets and kissed Matt's bare chest, sleeping peacefully beside her. **

**She looked to her right, but Mello had already gotten up, probably for work. She did likewise, she had an early shift this morning. She got ready quickly and left, making sure that there was enough of the cereal that Matt liked before leaving. **

**It was a good day at work. The custumers were friendly and didn't give her problems, and time flew by quickly. After four hours she was done and got her things to leave. As she exited, she heard a click of boots on the sidewalk beside her. **

**She turned, and recognized the tight biker clothes, dilated eyes, and shockingly white hair. Laila.**

**"Jade…we need to talk." She said.**

_**shadows sneak behind me**_

_**who is looking behind me**_

_**washing away**_

_**all the colours that you died me**_

_**I still have your scarf you know**_

_**I wear it all the time**_

_**your scarf around my neck **_

_**slits my throat with rusty knives**_

**soo I know I took about 5 years to update but please review anyway!! I'm glad I'm able to pick this up again, Mello had practcally been pounding at my door ordering me to. Maybe I'll get some peace now lol**

**doing so much better in lots of things. Maybe you can tell, because Jade is happier now too??**

**once again: thank you to everyone who had read this, it makes me really happy!! **


	18. Chapter 18

001 BITCH

**I'm so sorry I know I've taken a long fucking time to update again!! Believe it or not I've been busy. I'm also kind of pissed at myself right now. I managed to quit these pills I was hooked on—for **_**months**_**—and today I was in such a bad mood and depressed that I started up again. Majorly indulged myself. My friend was worried that I might OD. **

**It pisses me off cause now I want them all over again so badly…its gonna be hard to quit a second time. I hope I can. Wish me luck everyone!**

**ALSO!! Yes, bulimia can kill. I had difficulty quitting that too and evantually started to when I started throwing up blood and my stomach couldn't even handle an apple. For anyone thinking about it: BAD IDEA!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note. Or the lyrics. **

**Chapter Seventeen**

**To say that Jade was surprised to see Laila there, waiting for her, would be an understatement. Astounded and shocked covered it a bit more. For one thing she hadn't thought that Laila had been sober enough to even remember where she worked. For another, it wasn't her style to come to "talk". **

** She was surprisingly happy to see her friend, to know that she hadn't been forgotten by her in a drug-and-alchohol inspired haze. But that didn't stop her from still being upset with her.**

** She stalled by reaching into her purse and grabbing a cigarette, still unsure of what to say. Laila waited patiently for her, nervously biting at her lip. Jade looked away to light, wishing she'd asked Matt to come pick her up instead of having to walk back home.**

** "Jade."**

** She inhaled. Exhaled. "What is it Laila? What do you want?" she knew her tone was cold and saw her friend wince at it.**

** "I want to talk to you. Don't—give me that look ok? A real talk. Like we used to." She looked at Jade expectantly. More quietly she added "I miss those."**

** "I kind of miss them too," Jade said in return. She thought carefully about how to say the next part. "But not too much, not anymore. I used to depend on you so much: I didn't make friends easily and you were the only person who ever 'got' me, you know? I would have done anything for you and you let me down so many times."**

** "I know…" she whispered. "I'm so sorry."**

** She took a hard drag, watching it float up into the sky. "I found other people Laila. I can trust them. They've never let me down…we fight sometimes, but it doesn't turn into a screaming nightmare and we always make up. I love them. Like I used to love you, only more."**

** There, it was out. Jade felt relieved in a way to solidify her feelings to Laila. Who looked, by the way, as if someone twice her size had just struck her. Her breaths were in tiny little puffs, biting her lip.**

** "I'm sorry Jade…I know I fucked up."**

** "Yeah, you did." She started to walk away, feeling there was nothing left to say. **

** "Wait!" she went with her. "Can't we just forget about it? Make up? We always used to be able to make up."**

** Jade stared at her incredilously. "Yeah, because you'd yell at me for something stupid and I was so lonely without you that I did everything but grovel to make you forgive me!" The memories of those times burned in her mind.**

** "I know…I was stupid. But…I love you Jade." That was even quieter than before, and she reached to kiss her, lips pressed against Jade's own desperately, pleadingly.**

** She broke it off. "I'm sorry. I'm not going to bend for you again. Not this time." Jade forced her tone cold. "I don't care what you do now, it doesn't involve me. But please leave me alone."**

** Laila snapped back angrily. "You're so predictable Jade! The only reason you're being a bitch about this is because you care more about those guys you live with than you're friends! You always said that some stupid guy wouldn't get between us."**

** "Yeah, I know," Jade said, walking away. "But they aren't just some idiots I picked up to buy me booze you know. They're important to me. And you made your choice clear about what was more important to you." This was becoming more and more difficult. Jade felt as though her heart was squeezing her. Images of her and Laila played in her mind. When they'd met, kissed, partied, and taken care of each other. They burned her.**

_**You're**_** important to me Jade."**

** She pretended not to hear. She didn't look back but a few moments later heard the familiar sound of a motorcycle revving up and knew that Laila had left.**

**Unaware of the conversation, Mello went to get a snack and picked up his mail. He was surprised to see a small package with his name on it. The lettering looked familiar, but it was unusual for them to send instructions to him through the mail. **

** He took it up to his room and opened it, keeping the door closed. Matt was out. Mello had thrown him out after his pacing had driven him to near insanity. He was worried about what to say to Jade too, but Matt was decidedly less calm about it.**

** Locking the door anyway, he sat on the bed, opening the letter first. In simple script was: "you've been promoted. Thought you might enjoy this."**

** He opened the package to find an unmarked video cassette. Shrugging off unease he placed it in and turned it on. While the video loaded he took a bit of the beer in his hand.**

** The quality wasn't the best. Then he saw the sleek shape of a woman. The curve of her butt, her breasts. She giggled and he recognized the laughter.**

** It pulled back. Those assholes had sent him a copy of the tape with him and the slut from the party. He turned it off, pissed. "What did they mean 'promoted'?" he wondered out loud.**

** He supposed he'd find out soon. **

**When Jade arrived her mood was somber and she was in serious need of a line. Matt didn't seem to be home, and Mello's door was closed so she assumed he was sleeping.**

** She went to her room and opened the drawer, fishing through it to find her stash. She couldn't. **

** "What the fuck?" she muttered, and checked the others. Nothing. All of her stash—including weed, her pipe, even papers—were gone. "Shit." She sat on the bed, thinking, growing more nervous.**

** She couldn't have misplaced them. Had someone broken in…that made no sense though, or they would have taken money too. It might had been Laila but she didn't know where Jade lived. **

** A horrible thought came to her. Had the boys looked through her things recently and found it? She'd liked to believe they wouldn't invade her privacy but that was only wishful thinking. She knew them too well.**

** "What do I do?" she asked no one. The best thing to do for now was wait until Matt was home and confront them. **

** She was anxious all afternoon. They weren't back yet, and she'd closed herself off in her room. She took out her journal and tried to write in it to pass time. The entry was long and angry, rambling and worried. At the bottom she scrawled a large picture of a line neatly cut on to a table; a smoking pipe beside it.**

** She smoked cigarette after cigarette. Her room took on a blue tinge, hazy with smoke. She forgot about the cats and heard them yeowling at the door, pawing the edge, furry paws trying to get under.**

** She ignored them.**

** After a few minutes they stopped and she assumed that they'd gotten bored and went to sleep.**

** For the first time in a long while, she pulled out her old blade. Music pounded into her temples, Alice Cooper, and she slowly drew a thin line from wrist to elbow. Then another, then another, and another. They branded a sharp red against her skin, bleeding on to the bedsheets. **

** She bent a trembling head to kiss the wounds.**

**Mello was beginning to feel the beers after a couple of hours. He wondered why Matt wasn't back yet. The atmosphere was tense. Around six the cats started whining for food and surprisingly Jade didn't come out of her room to feed them, crooning to them as always.**

** He wondered if she knew about the drugs.**

** Either way, there would be a confrontation. He didn't want to think that he was **_**hiding**_** from her…he was just waiting for reinforcements. Not that he thought she'd seriously hurt him if she hit him—although she might. It had more to do with the fact that it was hard on him, personally. **

** Mello could still remember the day he'd come home, aged about 6, to find his mom passed out on the couch from to much of the love drug. He'd felt so afraid for her, and cried and yelled, trying to wake her.**

** Finally he thought to call 911. His mother hadn't OD but she'd come damn close. Then a second time, a third. And that was it. One time he'd come home to find her dead already in the kitchen.**

** Anyone who knew him now said he wore his emotions on his sleeve. Anger, depression, happiness…out for the world to see. **

** He hadn't cried at his mother's funeral. He'd been ice. And the tears were ice too, inside his heart where they cut him up from the inside. Hurts that no one could see.**

** His father had been killed in a hit and run five years before. Mello was orphaned by seven.**

** Now he remembered his mother's cold, still face in the casket. The stiff white dress she wore to the grave, a dress she'd hated, scratching her for eternity. In his mind, the face changed and it was Jade's lovely one; etched into stone peace.**

** He wouldn't bear it. Whatever else happened to him, he could face. But he wouldn't be able to handing having Jade die.**

**Jade heard the door open and sprang up. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror—long, wavy hair messy and unbrushed, eyes livid, angry red marks branding her skin. **

**For a moment, she remembered when she had seen herself in it a long time ago, after having sex with Mello for the first time. Her nervousness had been different then.**

**She hurried to throw on a sweater that went down to her fingertips before opening the door.**

** Matt was alone by the door. He saw her and visibly paled. That was when she knew.**

** "Where's Mello?" she asked.**

** "Right here."**

** She turned around. Mello was standing outside his door, shaggy, beautiful blonde hair in his face, unkempt. His eyes were slightly red-rimmed and his slouch was enough to let her know that he was slightly drunk.**

** "Did you go into my room?" she asked them, surprised by the calmness of her voice.**

** "Yes." That was from Matt. Caring, sweet Matt with his soft eyes and tender lips. Eyes that were now pinched with worry, the corners of his mouth sad.**

** In that moment, she hated both of them.**

** "I want them back. I don't care what you were doing in my room but I want them back!" her voice was even until the last word, where it snapped, shrill.**

** If Mello was a different type of person, he would have felt more compassion. He would have asked her to sit down, so they could talk calmly. He would have tried to hold her hand, and say that he loved her, and that he wanted to help her. **

** It was what Matt would have done. But Matt was frozen by the doorway. An emo statue, pale and stone-like. And Mello wasn't the kind person he was, he couldn't be different, gentle.**

** His tone was flat.**

** "You don't get them back. None of it. If it was just the weed we wouldn't care. Not really. But it isn't just weed. You can pack your things."**

** "You're kicking me out?" her voice was incredilous, slightly hysterical.**

** "No, I'm sending you to the best rehab center we can afford. And you'll come back when you're…cured."**

** "I'm not going to **_**fucking**_** rehab!" It wasn't a sentence as much as a snarl. "I don't need it, I was **_**fine**_**!" she was shrieking now. A small part of her was concerned with the way she was acting, surprised with the way she was treating them. Most of her didn't care. **

** "Why didn't you tell us?"**

** This came from Matt. Until then, apart from the "yes" earlier, he hadn't spoken. He hadn't wanted to. He felt frozen, numb inside himself. **

** It didn't seem possible. Rehab, shit. It was that bad, Matt didn't want to believe it was that bad. He had fooled himself into thinking that they'd talk it out and everything would be better. He didn't want to think farther ahead than that.**

** Rehab. For druggies. It was something that happened to celeberties, to teenage junkies in movies. Not to someone he cared about. Not Jade.**

** His words surprised himself, but they were out. Raw hurt that had a presence of its own in this room, hanging for them all to see.**

** Jade's breathing was strange. She was holding it, and would suddenly remember that she needed air, and would take a big gulp of it. "It was never a problem."**

** He snapped.**

** "Never a problem?" he said, voice rising. "You call bags full of **_**fucking**_** cocaine **_**'never a problem'**_

** Jade was slightly surprised that he was yelling at her, her own arguments choked back. But she retaliated with an anger of her own.**

** "No it wasn't a fucking problem! I did everything I had to do here right? Went to work, went to school, got good grades, did your **_**fucking**_** cooking, your **_**fucking**_** laundry, your **_**fucking**_** cleaning every **_**fucking**_** day!"**

** A small part of her was mortified with the way she'd said that, as though it was a hassle. She didn't care.**

** Mello's voice was cold. "Rehab. Tomorrow. You go or we drag you. Pick."**

** She glared at them both. She turned into her room and turned her back to them. They stood rooted to their spots. She grabbed her backpack and threw in a few clothes, her smokes, her journal and small things lying around and then threw it on her back. Her money she stuffed in her pocket.**

** "Fine then. I'll go. You can give me a call when you're both done acting like assholes." Her mind was spinning and she couldn't think. She could only feel angry, angry, angryangryangry. **

** If she'd been calmer, she might have stopped to consider what she was doing. Stopped to consider how much she was hurting them. Stopped thinking about where to score drugs and think about why she was willing to leave them for them. **

** She didn't stop to consider that.**

** Matt tried to stop her. She walked by him, glad she still had her shoes on and didn't have to deal with looking for them.**

** He reached out to touch her arm. His touch was light, desperate. His voice pleaded. "Jade—"**

** She slapped him. It was hard enough to make a loud **_**smack**_** sound that reverbrated across the room, hard enough to mark his face and hurt her hand. **

** She tossed her keys on the floor and walked out.**

**Mello watched her leave. They heard her pounding down the hall. He wanted to go run after her, to beg her to stop; to shake her and slap her and scream at her for what she was doing. He wanted to ram her face into the walls, kick her hard in the gut. Make her feel as much pain as she was inflicting on him.**

** He didn't do either.**

** He stood there, for the first time in his life truly not knowing what to do. Evantually, they stopped listening for her footsteps and Mello went past a frozen Matt to close the door.**

** He went to the fridge, the inside white and filled with tokens on her love. Carefully prepared meals, foods she thought they should eat for their health. The way she'd packaged his favourite chocolate bars on one side.**

** It looked so painful somehow, he throat dried up and he didn't think he'd even be able to swallow. **

**Matt went to his room, hollow. His cheek stung from where she'd slapped him. He thought of Jade. He thought of how beautiful she'd been when he first took her out, how shocked she'd looked when he'd asked her. Her soft, doeful eyes that looked at him with trust, love. The sweetness and passion in her kisses, the caresses on his body.**

** The angry look in her eyes when she'd slapped him. The fury in her voice, hate in her eyes.**

** Matt lay on his bed and did something he hadn't done since he was ten. He cried.**

_**Drown my head in the fire**_

_**We're moving faster now**_

_**Burning brighter**_

_**Watch as you fade out**_

**Ok, this chapter took me about 20 years to post but I'm sorry I was kind of holding it ransom because my friend—we'll call her Carly—was taking a long time to update her own story, which I love. So I told her I wouldn't be posting a new chapter for this one—which she loves—until she wrote one. So I'm very sorry. It made a good initative though.**

**So this definitely one of the more serious chapters I've written so far. It was actually pretty emotional, I got really into it and started feeling the way they did during the chapter. It was pretty emotionally taxing. I hope everyone likes the way it ended out, the next few are going to be hard on me too.**

**Also, big thank you to my new readers, your story alerts and favourite storys and reviews have made me incredibly happy. **

**Anyway, please read and review everyone and have a good weekend/easter/ostara/whatever your religion is. **


	19. Chapter 19

001 BITCH

**Sorry again for the long update (but better than last time, right?) Everyone's reviews have made me really happy, and I'm glad that the you're all enjoying it. Makes me very very happy**

**So I had an interesting weekend. Accidentally smoked crack, some idiot gave me a cigarette laced with it and didn't bother to tell me. So for future reference: ****NEVER SMOKE CRACK!! ****It is horrible—gets you very high—but really scary. **

**Just thought I would throw that in there.**

**Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and the lyrics belong to Milla Jovovich**

**Chapter Eighteen**

**Jade was storming down the street, hot devil winds rushing around her. The sun was hot on her back and arms that the sweater covered, the normally comfortable material making her itch. **

**She stopped to take it off and tie it around her waist. Underneath she wore a white tank top that she normally didn't wear in public because of the way it thrust out her breasts, and a tight pair of shorts. Guys stopped to stare at her but she didn't care.**

**She made her way down back streets, glowering at anyone who got too close. Evantually though, her anger began to wear down, replaced by a tiredness. She recognized the district she was in and knew a couple of people there. **

**She sat down in the alleyway. It was a self-designated "reject" spot, where henna-tattooed girls wrote poetry on their boyfriend's back, and out-of-cash junkies hung around hoping to score.**

**Her lack of clothes gained her a bit of attention, but no one bothered her. She took off her sweater and placed it on top of her backpack, then put her head there. She closed her eyes, glad the shade was shielding her from the hot afternoon sun.**

**She thought about what she'd done; and the fact that once again she had no where to go. She didn't want to think about that, what she'd lost. It had been her own damn fault for thinking she could ever be happy anyway. **

**She fell asleep, dreams of Matt, Mello, and their apartment churning painfully in her mind.**

**When she woke up it was much darker out. The sun was fading lazily behind tall buildings, shadows stretching across the street like demons coming out to play. She didn't sit up immediately but allowed her mind to clear, rather than come awake blinking stupidly.**

**The alley still had a few people in it. A girl with streaked gold and red hair was passing a joint around with a shaggy-haired guy and another girl who looked around twelve despite her make-up.**

**The boy watched her get up and stretch her arms. She nodded to him in greeting and turned her back to them, knowing what her movement would do to the shirt. She felt her pockets casually and was glad to learn that no one had taken her money. **

**She put her backpack on again and set off. It was still warm out, a whispering breeze ruffling her unbrushed hair. She needed to take a piss and clean up a bit if she wanted to score. **

**She saw a convienience store run by an old Japanese guy and put her sweater on before going in. There were only two other people in there, rummaging for change while they looked at the microwave dinners.**

**She went to the back and took a small blue comb that cost 1.28. Holding it loosely in her hand, she checked out the owner. He was on the phone, speaking rapidly in Japanese and waving his hand around. **

**Then Jade walked through the aisle and quietly opened a box of Speacil K bars, slipping two into the waistband of her shorts, glad the sweater was so long. She took two rolls of life savers and emptied it into the pockets before dumping the wrapper on the floor.**

**She went to the counter and placed the comb on it along with two dollars. "Keep the change," she said, after he scanned it. His dark eyes looked at her suspiciously, but she gave him a tiny smile and turned away. He didn't say anything after her but she felt his gaze on her back.**

**Outside she rolled up the sweater sleeves and took out the bars, biting into one and enjoying the sweetness of it in her mouth. There was a diner close by and she went to the bathroom there, taking time to brush her hair and smooth her smudged make-up. **

**Then she was walking again. Jade had a pretty good idea of where to look for her dealer friends. At the park was usually a good place. The thought of a line, a desperately needed line, made her pace quicken and her heart beat faster.**

**She couldn't wait to find them.**

**Matt had been worried all day. He could still feel her slap on his cheek, hear the rage in her voice. He'd gone to cry in his room for a long while and evantually fell asleep. When he woke up, his throat was a little raw, and he had a small white cat curled up on his chest purring.**

**He got up slowly, holding her gently. Hekate looked up at him lovingly and he distractedly placed her in his lap and started stroking her head with his thumb. She purred delightedly beneath his hand.**

**He needed to think. Where could Jade go? She didn't have enough money to rent a hotel room, and as far as he knew no close friends to stay with. But then, what did he know after all? He hadn't known the most important thing about her, the reason she wasn't here now and he was pondering this at all.**

**Well, it made sense that she would try to contact one of her dealers, so logically Matt could start by tracking them down. The problem was that Matt had never done drugs; had never liked the idea of losing control that way. So his knowledge of the local dealers was extremely limited. **

**He got up, carefully placing the cat on the bed before doing so, and went to grab a glass of water. Draining it, he went to the living room and lit a cigarette.**

**Mello was in the living room, going over a piece of paper. He glanced up at Matt. "Woke up did you?"**

**Matt grunted. "What is that?"**

**Mello brandished the page at him. "A list of all the dealers in the school," he said, "the ones I know about anyway." Mello neglected to mention that a few of his new "friends" were on the list as well. "Along with places they usually hang out and the addresses." It was amazing how convienient MapQuest could be.**

**Matt was impressed. For once Mello really seemed to be thinking things through. He wished that he had thought of it.**

**"Let's give her the night to come back," Mello said calmly. Too calmly actually. Matt was a little taken aback by the icines in his tone, as though he were discussing whether to go for pizza or Chinese; and not the future of the girl he loved. His painstacking actions however, contracticted his demeanor. Matt wondered if this was his way of dealing with it.**

**"She might cool down before tomorrow," Mello continued. "But if not we set out in the morning and spilt up. I'll check out the addresses, you look at the hangouts. If we don't find anything, we'll meet up later and go looking through the city for her."**

**Matt nodded. The trouble with the plan was that looking for someone in New York—especially a someone who didn't want to be found—when you had no idea where to start looking was as impossible as it could get. At the moment though, they had no other choices.**

**"Ok," Matt said. "First thing tomorrow."**

**Mello turned back to his list. He tried to fill his head with plans and numbers, trying to block out his heart before the pain of missing Jade became too intense for him to bear it.**

**Jade found the park easily enough. She had guessed that the guys would evantually look for her, and knew that they wouldn't know about this place. These dealers were in their early twenties and would be difficult to find for someone like Mello or Matt, that didn't run in stoner circles.**

**Another thing she liked about them was the fact that they reminded her of the guys she'd known in L.A. It was a bit of homesickness for a time when things weren't so complicated.**

**There was only one guy chilling at the park, drinking beer though she was sure he wouldn't be getting drunk on the job. He saw her and gave her a good once-over. She took it as an invitation, trying to not show her excitement.**

**"Yo, you wan' something preciosa?" he asked, recognizing her. **

**"Yeah actually," she said. She pulled out a twenty. He smiled and indicated that she take a seat next to him. he wore a black T-shirt with the image of a weeping woman on the front, and she was sure that he had a gun strapped tight on the waistband of his jeans. **

**He knew her well enough to not bother asking what she wanted, and she turned her back to the streets, bending down and rolling up the twenty tightighttight. She snorted it off the bench and he looked out casually.**

**"So what's up Jade?" he pronounced her name in Spanish like 'Ha-De'. His arm slipped easily around her shoulders and she leaned into him. Already her mind was buzzing, her focus getting sharper.**

**"Well, my boyfriends basically kicked me out." she said, looking at the ground. **

**He laughed. "How many do you have?"**

**"I had two. Matt and Mello." Her voice was sad, but he didn't really notice. Not that she had expected him to. Instead he looked thoughful.**

**"Mello? He a blond guy, dress in a lot of leather like? **_**Con cara de mujer verdad?**_**" he scratched his chin, and she felt the muscles in his arms. **

**"Yeah, that's right. Do you know him?" she was surprised.**

**He grinned at her. "Yeah I know him. How come you been coming to see me to get your drugs when you could scam them off him for free girl? Not that I'm complaining."**

**She looked at him in confusion. "What are you talking about? Why would I get drugs from Mello?"**

**He looked at her skeptically. "You didn't know he's a bigshot dealer now? All the guys heard about him. He did a few tapes too, I heard."**

**She didn't bother to ask what the tapes were about. Her mind was spinning with this new information. Mello was a dealer? When had that happened? She realized how he'd hidden that information from both her and Matt as well as she'd hidden her drug use, better. It hurt her to learn that from someone like Veto. She wondered sadly what secrets Matt had kept from them, to keep them from tearing apart.**

**She didn't answer Veto but thought instead. If Mello had connections, he could find her easily enough. She considerd her idea carefully, turning it over in her mind. It was risky, but it had enough benefits to make up for it.**

**She wasn't going to be the object of pity for the two of them, especially after Mello's hypocrasy. And she wasn't going to rehab to be throwing up for weeks and suffering for months only to get out and be alone again. She knew they wouldn't want her back for anything other than pity.**

**Her mind was made up. She was going to start hitching rides to make her way to L.A tonight. She only hoped that once there, she could start to forget about them.**

_**  
Please don't fade away  
See our genius  
Warp what we created**_

No,_** No, don't fade away**_

_**darling**_

Stepping over  
Shadows from your smile  
Losing Myself  
In these waves of light

No,No don't fade away, 

_**No,**__** No don't fade away**_

See them washing  
Hearts with teardrops  
Bless these simple souls  
Baby soldiers  
Marching onward  
Watch their hopeless eyes

No, No don't fade away, darling, no

_**No, don't fade away**_

Oh my, am I high  
Is that a glow up in the sky  
Oh my, am I high  
Is that a glow up in the sky

Whitewashed liars  
Stupid teachers  
Blinded are these broken dreamers  
Little rulers  
Who will teach them time ... time

No, don't fade away, No, don't fade away  
No, don't fade away_** darling **_

**So that is the final chapter of Don't Fade Away. I'm writing this in Parts, and this was Part One. I hope you enjoyed it because it has been very important to me. The sequel is called Bleeding Love and I will post the first chapter on Monday. So I hope you all read it!!**

**Good night**


End file.
